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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hope my baby will sleep better with formula?

85 replies

vinocollapso · 06/01/2011 08:32

I know this is an emotive issue, and an age old one, but after almost 6 months of EBF, I need some advice about moving over to formula. I need to be sure I'm doing it for the right reasons.

DS wakes at night, generally every two hours. He is almost 6 months old. I don't care about this - babies wake up, they need you, I'm happy to comfort him.

But I'm tired. And worse than that I'm worried I'm encouraging a bad habit, that he's waking up because he knows he'll get a feed. I try and leave him a few minutes each time to see if he'll self-settle (sometimes he does), but 95% of the time it's boob and back to bed for him.

In the day he'll go 3 - 4 hours without eating, so he doesn't 'need' to eat at night. But you know how it is, you're tired at 2am and just want the fastest solution.

Should I throw in a bottle of formula now, and start to wean him off the boob? Will formula help him sleep longer? Or is the issue just that he's not settling? I feel that at 6 months I've done my best by EBF.

Any help or experience warmly received.

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 06/01/2011 16:01

Its true TrappedinSuburbia - the proteins in formula, whilst adapted to most closely resemble those of breastmilk, are still coarser and a slightly different molecular structure, which take longer to digest and absorb. Whey based formulas are the closest to breastmilk in this regard (all "first infant milks") whereas hungry baby is caesin based and therefore takes longer still to digest.

So there is proper nutritional theory behind your midwife's comment.

TrappedinSuburbia · 06/01/2011 16:08

I always liked that woman Grin

Original poster
vinocollapso · 06/01/2011 16:09

MsKLo - there's a whole other thread there! Another time, I think.

I'm going to just keep feeding, feeding, feeding and cuddling to settle when he wakes if it's less than x amount of hours from when he last ate. See if that makes a bit of a difference.

I'll persevere with a bottle of formula here and there (though may go down the sippy cup route), and then once he hits 6 months in two weeks time, get the solids moving along.

I feel awful, wishing his life away, and I know I will look back at this time and think, well, that wasn't so bad after all!

He's such a happy little boy, and a great 3-naps-a-day lad, I just know it will all even out in the end...eventually..

Thanks again everyone. x

OP posts:
MsKLo · 06/01/2011 19:51

Lol vino! Sorry I get carried away! I Bf'd my first for 19 mths and my 16 mth old is still bf and I am constantly in awe of the benefits!

You are still in the early stages of baby's life so give yourself a little break! We all feel what you feel you are not alOne! Try and sleep when baby naps and treat yourself kindly

Just wait till baby gets to between the ages of one and two - that's more knackering I warn you! X

MsKLo · 06/01/2011 19:52

By the way, try plum organic porridge, it is a great first food with super grains x

Ivette · 06/01/2011 21:18

it depends on a baby but IMHO that wont make a dif. Just stop the night feedings,that will make him sleep deeper and better..he knows he will be fed so he is on some sort of standby sleep...first few weeks are the worst but it gets better by time. I tried that on my DD AND IT WORKED. And changing to formula is not a good option IMO because he knows how often he eats etc. And if you chose to BF stick to it. Its as simple as that!

porcamiseria · 06/01/2011 21:23

Hi, I am in same boat, or will be in 2 months

I am moving my 1 evening bottle of FF to 11pm, so lets see how that goes... as my little man wakes 2 hourly too , UGH

My aunt gave me some good advice with DS1 which was to wean him and get him on solids, and 6 months is the time no? then get them used to 3 good meals a day

then, refuse night feeds! comfort, cuddle,dummy, water etc but No FOOD, they learn eventually and whilst you have some bad nights to start, it does get off the night feeds as they learn to eat more in the day to fill up. Plus you can BF between meals

this might not kick in till 7/8 months but it worked for me, keen to see if it works second time!

LolaSummers · 06/01/2011 21:35

I couldn't BF as had to start chemotherapy 1 week after delivery for hodgkins lymphoma. Our DD was a hungry baby, was on formula from day 1, got into 4hr feed cycle in first week, slept through from 10pm to at least 6am at 6 weeks after giving her hungry baby formula, I have no regrets, I had to deal with chemotherapy and it meant DP and others could help out.

I have seen my sister BF 2 kids and make such a meal of it, she's awake twice a night still with my 11 month old niece, wonder why she puts herself through it TBH....(confused)

DD now aged 3 and is healthy and fit, formula didn't seem to do her any harm!....

So, don't beat yourselves up about formula!

MsKLo · 06/01/2011 22:56

Hope all is well with you now LOLA x

MogTheForgetfulCat · 06/01/2011 23:03

YANBU to hope it, but I tried it with DS1 who was a shocking sleeper all round, and it didn't make any difference, alas. Bah.

SkyBluePearl · 06/01/2011 23:08

I think you need to try some sleep solutions - lots of books around and it doesn't have to be CC to be effective. Both my breast fed kids were born smallish (6.4 and 6.8) but managed to sleep through at 4 and 5 months. It meant they fed tons and tons of feeds in the evenings/mornings and I had to space out night feeds. DH took time off work and quietly comforted them in the dark at night without picking them up in between feeds.

backwardpossom · 06/01/2011 23:16

We cracked DS's waking habits at around 6 months by me refusing to feed him when he woke up. The first night, whenever he woke, DH would go through and try to settle him using a pick up/put down type of method. That first night it took an hour to settle him. The second night we did the same, but it probably only took 20 mins or so to settle. The third night, he only woke once and it took 10 mins to settle. The fourth night, he didn't wake at all and after theat I no longer had to feed through the night. I think you need DP to do it though as if you go through he'll smell you and your milk and that's not fair. Luckily, my DH had a week off his work which allowed him to sleep longer in the morning as he'd been up with DS during the night.

I'm not saying that would work for everyone, but it certainly did for us. Good luck!

Scarlett175 · 06/01/2011 23:19

hmmm I'm sure I will get flamed for saying this..

but if I were you I would try it. My DD is 8 months, has had a night time bottle since 5 months, expressed milk at first then when we began weaning I gave her hipp organic and it could be coincidence but she did start sleeping longer and at the moment is sleeping through. We give her bottle downstairs, then read a story, DH then takes her for bath and puts her to bed in cot, which gives me some free time which is heaven. I still BF her in the day. I think wether its expressed milk or formula, for me it gave me confidence knowing she cannot be hungry- and that if she wakes up to at least try and soothe her without going straight to the boob. I think when we started the bottle, if she woke before midnight DH went to her- after this we conceded she could be hungry and I would go, her wakings gradually got later and later, then stopped.
We did co-sleep from 3 months to 5, and for us it meant no one slept very well- but again, may be worth a try.

What I have learnt is nothing is forever at this age- do what you need to to get through, as everything seems to be a phase that next month will change.

good luck

LolaSummers · 07/01/2011 09:32

Thanks MsKLo, in full health now, past the 2 yr stage so looking good!

working9while5 · 07/01/2011 09:40

YANBU to want more sleep but YABU to think formula is a guarantee you will get it.

QuintessentialShadows · 07/01/2011 09:45

It is so exhausting, isnt it?
Both my sons would wake up every 3 hours throughout the night. 11pm, 2am, 5am, 7am... After a full day of breastfeeding I used to feel totally drained by 11 pm. And started topping up with a bottle after the 11pm feed. This worked, and they dropped the 2 am feeds. I still breastfed till they were 14 and 12 months old, and at the time advice was to wean at 4 months, so we did that. First just baby rice. But they loved that. Ds1 took a dummy, ds2 didnt. But the problem with the dummy was that ds1 would wake up if the dummy dropped out of his mouth, so that became a bit of a problem...

But I am sure there will be people along shortly saying that mixed feeding or topping up are total no nos, and should be avoided at all costs. There usually is. If it is right for YOU, then it is right for you, whatever other "gurus" say.

Good Luck. Smile

wolfhound · 07/01/2011 09:48

Someone else mentioned the Elizabeth Pantley No cry sleep solutions book - that has some really good suggestions (she moved from a baby waking every hour to BF to one sleeping 10 hours at night, while still BF and still co-sleeping). Suggestions worked for me, esp the 'Pantley Pull Off" :) . They're not magic bullets, you have to give them some time and be flexible. Also, 6 months is a growth spurt time, so your idea of waiting a bit longer and seeing what happens may be sensible, once the spurt is over, things may settle down a bit. Good luck. No sleep is horrible.

Original poster
vinocollapso · 07/01/2011 13:45

I can't believe how amazing everyone has been on here with regards to their honest expereinces and suggestions - thank you so much again.

I know in my heart that the issue is the nigh feedings - at nearly 6 months and 19lbs he 'should' be able to go longer than two hours at night. And I should stop feeding inbetween the 11pm and 3am feeds. I think if i can crack that, we'll be flying, esp as the weaning is going well, and he's eating two good meals a day. Even less reason to feed him so often at night.

So tonight I shall be firm at 1am and not feed him - if he can go 4 hours in the day per feed, he can do it at night!

I'll also ask my DP to get in on the soothing session once a night, though I fear this may be harder work than dealing with DS!

xx

OP posts:
MsKLo · 07/01/2011 14:49

i went to my local bf drop in today and i have to disagree with the 'should' be going through the night!

this is a very modern way of thinking and not 'natural' to baby
this is not meant to be a bf v formula thing but the fact is, babies tummies are designed to take in a bit of breast milk and then a bit more when the baby is ready, it is just exhausting for us, the mothers! i have been there and am still there with dc2!formula 'unaturally' fills a baby's tummy which is why they go for longer - a bit like when we eat too much, we can't eat for a long while

so whilst it is of course ok for you to want to stop the night feeds, it should be due to the fact you think baby 'should' be going through, it should be because that is what you want, as for a baby it is natural to feed through the night

MsKLo · 07/01/2011 14:50

i am not saying you should not do what you want to do by the way, not at all, but just saying it is not unatural for him to wake still but if you want to 'train' him to not have the night feeds, or some of them, that is good too, but it is ok either way!

Original poster
vinocollapso · 07/01/2011 15:05

MsKLo - I am in firm agreement with you, I think I meant that he can go longer between feeds, as he often does in the day. This is where the lines get blurry for me - if 4 hours between feeds in the day is possible, what's changing at night? Habit?

Personally I would give him what he wants, when he wants, but this can't be good in the long term, can it? With regards to independent sleeping?

As it happens he's refusing a bottle anyway, though I will have to slowly persevere with that, as I'm going back to work and want to finish bf by 8 months..

It's like herding cats some days. Stupid phrase bykwim...

OP posts:
chaya5738 · 07/01/2011 15:14

Sounds like he is waking for comfort not food so changing milk source won't make a difference. In any event, changing to formula won't make him sleep. My DD is 18 month now on formula (after 14 bfeeding) and she still wakes up.

MsKLo · 07/01/2011 15:15

I have friends who have their partners give the baby the bottle and the baby takes the bottle from them? if you haven't tried that maybe worth trying?

as for long term - he is only a baby remember - modern society, i feel, has made us forget that with regards to babies and many people want babies to fit in with their needs rather than what is good for baby!

I hope I don't come across as being judgemental as I am not, honestly. I am just pointing out that the needs of the baby is hard work for us and to be honest, to give him security and comfort at his age will only be a good thing

try the no cry sleep solution as suggested by others and also try a book called 'when weaning happens' by dianne bengson as this is a good book for weaning and general bf advice - get from amazon or a good bf clinic

good luck and you have given your baby so much with your wonderful bf!

MsKLo · 07/01/2011 15:17

oh vino

I think the night thing is probably a security thing, baby is only so small still and it reassures him to be close to you

I had and have this still with first my ds and now my 16mth dd
I am exhausted but going and talking to bf counsellor today reassured me i am doing the right thing for my baby as she is happy and secure but it is so bloody tiring!

porcamiseria · 07/01/2011 19:10

OP my 11pm dream feed FF did FUCK all, scuse language. he went for 1 hour longer

I do agree that patience is key, this will pass

with ds1, same sleep style, i was so stressed, thought i could fix it....you cant really!!

with DS2 I am cosleeping, and because I know there is an end in sight I am living with it, and waiting for weaning time!

YANBU for being ragged and tying to fix it, but its so so normal and is all part of the package