Are we all just mean girls at heart?

[CheeseCrackers]

I read this in The Times this morning, and it has made me question some of my relationships with other women.

AIBU to think it is true?

here's the link www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/life/relationships/article2862724.ece

For some reason, I can only see the front page. do you have to subscribe to read this article?

It's in the DM as well

I think most women do bitch and talk about each other, even if they don't actually want to hurt the feelings of the person they're talking about. I do it myself. If a friend annoys me, I will rant to another friend about it. This would probably be construed as 'bitching' but I don't feel the need to never say anything negative about other women

I do let it go. There's no point telling them about it, because that's just how they are and it's only a very small percentage of them, so not worth making a fuss about. Talking about things just makes them worse because people get defensive and stroppy. Come on, everyone does it. That's why there are so many threads on here 'aibu to be annoyed with friend 'aibu to be annoyed over playdate' 'aibu to be annoyed with husband'

I have several good friends who have one or two character traits that annoy me. It's not worth stopping being friends, because they are a good sort really and it doesn't come up very much. But it's quite stressful when it does, so feels good to offload. I expect others do the same about me and that's fine. I am not perfect. It's not really a destructive thing (unless you start making stuff up or going on and on about it).

Sorry, didn't realise the link didn't work. It's a lot to Copy and Paste... here's a bit from the start.....

A writer?s claim that women are hurtful to other women has raised female hackles in America. But is it true?
Kelly Valen has a problem with other women. She thinks we hate each other too much, inflicting ?uniquely monstrous? wounds on those nearest us even as we pretend to be their friends.
Yet something interesting happens whenever Valen makes her opinions public, which would be funny were it not so awful. A great mass of female readers rises up and virtually roasts her alive for saying what she does. They attack her for her attacks on female attacks.
When I read my copy of Valen?s book, The Twisted Sisterhood, I find myself arguing with it, underlining its more provocative passages with a sceptical ? or is that unsisterly? ? pen. When she asks ?who can honestly or convincingly deny that inordinately rough conditions exist within our gender??, I think: I can.

I think they can be, but I think sometimes it works the other way. Sometimes they are overly nice to eachother when they first meet out of fear of being seen as bitchy.

Well we are human.
Humans get angry, defensive, competitive, deceptive, jealous. WTF does the writer expect, that we all sit around inoffensively swopping cupcake recipes?

So you wouldn't make any effort to overcome any of those things wukter? Humans can choose to do that.

Oh I know ShoppingDays, I just don't think gender is relevant. It's like saying women should always be nice to everyone, all the time. All people should, if it comes to that.

One of the great joys of getting older is meeting groups of women who do not gossip or bitch. Most of the people I know really do seem to live by the maxim "if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all".

Funnily enough though, I think it is a defence mechanism for a lot of women. Women meet other women, size them up, worry that they are in some way more qualified/popular/attractive/WHATEVER than them and try to find some way of knocking them down. I think I get this fairly often. As soon as they realise I am not in the slightest trying to threaten their job/relationship/self esteem/interested in playing any of these games and generally inclined to support other women rather than make them feel inferior and inadequate, they generally loosen up and let it go. It's a shame women feel they have to be so competitive with each other.

True, it should apply to both genders, I agree with you :)

I dislike gossip and bitching too, and it's hard to find like-minded friends. Would love to know how you figured it out, TheBrandyButterflyEffect

"It has taken me a long time to figure out how to find friends that like me even though I don't enjoy gossip."

My Husband works in a very male dominated industry and always has. He always says men are far bigger bitches than women...and from some of the petty stories he tells me I must say it looks like he's right Lol.

And I also think that a certain amount of gossiping and bitching is actually human nature for both sexes. Show me anyone who claims to never gossip or bitch and I'll show you someone who probably just doesn't see it as that purely because it's come from them.

Yes. I can count my female friends on one hand purely because I avoid large groups of women like the plague because I absolutely hate the bitching, two facedness and one-upmanship that goes hand in hand with a group of women.

I don't like it and I don't join in. I also don't understand why women do that to other women.

That sounded big headed; not at all how I meant it. Just generally my experience of school, uni, starting work in a mostly female dominated environment and a few other bits and pieces.

But it happens with all people not just women.
Just we notice it more with women as we are competing with them in the same spheres, iyswim.

Mutz I don't bitch, well I don't think I do. I don't sit around negatively discussing other women anyway. I don't 'do' coffee mornings, or girls nights out or anything like that. I don't do it because I've been the subject of it, it made me incredibly unhappy and I wouldn't wish that on anyone else. I just try to avoid it, if possible.

It also makes me uncomfortable because I have sat there listening to it and wondered what they say about me when I'm not there.

My Mum always used to say "When it's women it's gossip...when it's men it's 'business'" Lol