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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think pregnancy is the new wedding IYSWIM?

40 replies

undercovamutha · 04/01/2011 20:14

Everyone knows that (some) weddings have gone totally over the top in the past decade or so - with endless stag/hen nights, overseas large-scale events, everything having to be perfect with every last detail tied down.

I can't help thinking pregnancy is going the same way!

Before I had DD 4.5years ago, there was the normal fuss to get all the bits and pieces and of course the pregnancy book to trawl through. But that was about it.

The couples that I currently know who are expecting their first babies at the moment, seem to be event planning the whole thing IYSWIM. Multiple baby showers (thought these were American things tbh), scan photos posted all over facebook, professional photos of expectant mum beaming in perfectly decorated nursery.

AIBU to think that this all seems a bit OTT or am I just a miserable person who has lost the joy ?

OP posts:

WiiUnfit · 04/01/2011 20:28

Hmm mixed feelings on this one.

I'm currently 15+1 with DC1 & while I cringe at the thought of most of the things you listed I did post my scan photo on fb for the sole reason that my family (& lots of my friends) live 135 miles away & it's the easiest way to communicate with them all (we all work different days, different shifts .etc, it would be easier to reunite Guns N Roses than get my whole family together + the distance!)

SeaTrek · 04/01/2011 20:33

I don't think there is anything wrong with posting a scan photo on FB.

Baby Shower - horrid and grabby. Multiple baby showers?

Photo of expentant mum - don't have much of a problem with that, either. As long as it isn't a sign of expecting everyone to be continuously over-interested in every mundane happening.

Rockbird · 04/01/2011 20:35

Doesn't sound like anyone I know, a couple of FB photos at the most amongst my friends. No big baby shower, no professional photos. Maybe it's the type of person you're mixing with?

BlueCollie · 04/01/2011 20:37

When I was pregnant I posted my scan on too. Same reason as Wii...family and friends living all over the place but also because it is just a fab thing to have a baby and I wanted to show off a bit about it. However, think that is all I did as we were too lazy to decorate a nursery for a baby that couldn't give a hoot lol.

RoadCraftGuru · 04/01/2011 20:41

As long as it isn't a sign of expecting everyone to be continuously over-interested in every mundane happening.

Isn't that basically what Facebook is?

And that's coming from a confirmed facebook fan!

moondog · 04/01/2011 20:42

So naff and dull isn't it?

WiiUnfit · 04/01/2011 20:42

We won't be decorating our nursery until well after the baby's born - no point if he/she will live in our bedroom for 6m!

A girl I knew had some professional pics done of herself when she was pregnant but then again she had them done pre-pregnancy, pregnancy & post-pregnancy so it wasn't because she was pregnant. She just liked having her photo taken I think, she's bloody stunning too...

TheSydenhamSet · 04/01/2011 20:43

Fb photo - perhaps i'm old fashioned/old before my years (i'm 29) but I always feel there's something undignified about it and it should be private.

showers - yep, agree with seatrek grabby. i have a friend who organises them for her pregnancies and i can't help think she does it to get gifts.

professional photos - don't know anyone who's done this but pointless. i was happy taking pictures of myself in the bathroom mirror!

SaorAlba · 04/01/2011 20:49

Hmm. Well I have posted scan pics on Facebook, but that's like Wii for folk who don't live near me.

We will have a beautifully decorated nursery, but DP and I both like pretty rooms and like to decorate. I have no plans to take pictures of it, or if I.do they will be for us, certainly not for publishing. I'm also aware that the baby won't be fussed about how it looks, it's for the benefit of me and DP!

We are not having a baby shower. It seems very selfish to me to have something like this. At least at our wedding (if we ever get round to it) we'll be paying for a feed/party for our family and friends to enjoy.

theevildead2 · 04/01/2011 20:51

Friend of a friend on FB has a pic of her in trousers and (yes I am sure it isn't a bikini) bra with pregnant belly as a profile. You can't even see her face just an up close of the belly\boobs\top of trousers

(at best) Not interesting to anyone else.

(at worst) Terribly insensitive to people who can't conceive and have to be constantly bombarded with scans, bump photos, constant updates...

WiiUnfit · 04/01/2011 20:57

Saor - be sure to use a low VOC paint! We too will probably take pictures of the nursery when we get round to doing it, but like you, for us & our DC1 to see when they're older, not for every man & his fb-addict dog.

We too won't be having a baby shower, myself & DP conceived DC1, it's our responsibility to buy the necessary goods. I'm sure close family & friends will want to buy gifts which they, of course, will be free to do so, but not expected to.

WiiUnfit · 04/01/2011 21:00

theevildead2 - worst case I've seen personally is 10+ updates per day on how the culprit's DS1 rolled over, stuck his tongue out, even fell asleep... I vowed from the day I saw my homepage cluttered with all of her updates never to bombard other's homepages with similar... regardless of how proud DC1 makes me.

marmum · 04/01/2011 21:01

I disagree on the baby shower thing being "grabby". I've been to a couple here and in America, and they're more about celebrating the fact that a baby is coming into this world. Although, I've never been to a baby shower that was thrown by the pregnant person herself, usually by a close friend or family member. That would probably be grabby I guess. I think the FB thing is usually to let people know what's happening when they live far away rather than being a "showy-off" type thing. That's why I use it anyway. My family lives all over the world, but we're all on FB, well except my dad (but that's probably a good thing)

TheSydenhamSet · 04/01/2011 21:03

Wiiunfit that's the thing i hate about baby showers - the expectation that gifts will be given. gifts become part of a contract rather than a free-will offering. uggh.

WiiUnfit · 04/01/2011 21:10

Yes, I'd be much happier receiving gifts from those who want to give gifts (& I'd much rather the gifts be specifically for the baby rather than me!) than feeling like people were pushed into it

roundtable · 04/01/2011 21:23

The facebook thing I get, it does a bit much but I have organised baby showers for my friends and family. I've never expected or told family and friends to do anything than turn up. Presents are not mentioned at all.

It's usually a meal with friends and family about a month before they're due because it's the last time they'll be out for a while! Lots of chat, laughter and fun (I hope) and the mum to be has always seemed to like it. Again, it's the last time that they are going to get attention for a while!

I get the point about being grabby but it doesn't have to be in my opinion.

roundtable · 04/01/2011 21:23

I get the point about being grabby but it doesn't have to be in my opinion.

roundtable · 04/01/2011 21:24

Oops phone double posted!

Ragwort · 04/01/2011 21:28

Is anyone apart from the mother and father really interested in a scan photo? Even if your family and friends are miles away you can still tell them you are pregnant without having to show a photo surely? I must be incredibly old fashioned as I didn't show mine to anyone - it was purely a personal thing between DH and I.

curlymama · 04/01/2011 21:29

I like seeing my friends scan pictures on fb. Not too sure about the baby shower though. But I'd conform for a very close friend.

I don't think it's fair to say that people who post pictures of their scan or bump are being insensitive to those having trouble concieveing, that's taking it too far. People have the option to block what they see on fb without de friending people, so if it upsets people to see pregnancy or child related posts, then they can choose not to. That's like saying nobody should take their baby out for no reason in case it upsets someone ttc.

WiiUnfit · 04/01/2011 21:34

Hey Ragwort, personally, my family have just seen the end to a very bad year where we unfortunately lost my Grandfather to a long, devastating battle with cancer which also took it's toll on my Grandmother as she was nursing him, they have enjoyed being able to see our scan photo, it has given all of us something to look forward to after a difficult year.

I think in the end, it is down to personal preference.

I like what roundtable said about having a meal with family & friends before the baby is born though, seems a lot less cliquey (sp?) than a "shower" & I should imagine guests feel a lot less obliged to buy gifts.

babeinthewood · 04/01/2011 21:48

I think with the scan photo thing its each to their own, mine went on facebook because I was asked by friends for it.

baby showers - Ive never organised one for myself, and didnt have one with DS1 but with DS2 my friends at my church asked me to come along to one of their houses with my mum and anyone else I wanted as they had planned a shower for me. It was very lovely we played lots of silly games, and ate lots of lovely food, and yes, I got pressies BUT I would never organise one for myself!!

Photos - I think someone else said, thats fine if they want to do it, as long as they are not expecting everyone else to be interested! lol!

maighdlin · 04/01/2011 22:17

never did scan photos on fb but did take photos of them and sent them to family.

baby showers - why not just send a card round please be at my house on X to give me presents and lots of attention because im the first person ever to be pregnant!! (minimum gift vale £50 and minimum compliments made to me 10 per person)

photos of expectant mother - depends on your mobile in the mirror as a momento of how massive you got OK professional photos of you holding bump or worse naked again the "look at ME im the first person to ever be pregnant!"

its weird. pregnancy is a MASSIVE deal to you but to every one else its nice and all but outside of close family most people are a bit meh after a while.

JennyPiccolo · 04/01/2011 22:31

I am guilty of many things on this thread, but i'll probably never get married, so hey.

My friends threw my baby shower as a surprise, though. And my pregnant pictures were taken for an Oxfam campaign on maternal health.

I don't think it's boring or insensitive to share big things in your life with your friends online. You never know, some of them might be happy for you.

Firawla · 05/01/2011 00:27

I don't really think most people do all this baby showers, professional pregnancy photo etc a lot of people just get on with it so i would say yabu really

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