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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think pregnancy is the new wedding IYSWIM?

40 replies

undercovamutha · 04/01/2011 20:14

Everyone knows that (some) weddings have gone totally over the top in the past decade or so - with endless stag/hen nights, overseas large-scale events, everything having to be perfect with every last detail tied down.

I can't help thinking pregnancy is going the same way!

Before I had DD 4.5years ago, there was the normal fuss to get all the bits and pieces and of course the pregnancy book to trawl through. But that was about it.

The couples that I currently know who are expecting their first babies at the moment, seem to be event planning the whole thing IYSWIM. Multiple baby showers (thought these were American things tbh), scan photos posted all over facebook, professional photos of expectant mum beaming in perfectly decorated nursery.

AIBU to think that this all seems a bit OTT or am I just a miserable person who has lost the joy ?

OP posts:

sims2fan · 05/01/2011 02:08

I think Christenings or naming ceremonies take on the 'importance' of weddings for lots of people these days. They're not married, so they haven't been able to have a party to celebrate with friends, so when a baby comes along they throw a huge bash for the baby instead, so they can see all the people that they would have seen if they had got married. I know of one person (with a long term partner but not married) who had her son christened in my local church. When I queried why that one, as I knew where she lived and it was nowhere near, I was told it was because it was the easiest one for the guests to get to the party afterwards from. The party was at a quite expensive hotel, which is often used for weddings.

HappyMummyOfOne · 05/01/2011 07:54

I agree OP, whilst I probably wouldnt think twice about seeing a scan photo, the posed stomach ones etc are awful and I hate baby showers with a passion. Christenings no longer seem to be about the church and god, they are now just a gift grabbing ceremony.

GoldFrakkincenseAndMyrrh · 05/01/2011 08:14

Scan photo looks like a blob/alien even to proud parents (DH & I).

Baby shower organised by self?! No way. Organised by others, sweet idea.

Professional photos I think I'd consider if I liked the way I looked at the moment but I don't. I can understand some women feel at their best and most beautiful when pregnant and want to celebrate that though.

I've done 2 weddings, couldn't face another so we'll keep this low key...

onmyfeet · 05/01/2011 08:59

Baby showers are a tradition in Canada too. In the olden days there was usually one baby shower for all your friends & family, and it was usually a surprise for the mother to be. They were not grabby affairs, just people showering the mtb with baby items.

The day I hear I am going to become a grandmother, I will call the other grandma and start planning! Unless ds's future wife's best friend does it....supposedly poor etiquette for a mother to throw one for her dd, not sure about mil's though.

Original poster

undercovamutha · 05/01/2011 13:55

I think putting the scan photo on fb is fine (although I wouldn't have done it - just showed it to my parents), but does it really have to be your profile photo? Just seems a bit LOOK AT ME!

OP posts:

KaraStarbuckThrace · 05/01/2011 14:07

I put my scan photos on FB for a limited time only. Mainly so my relatives in Spain and the US (one of my Dad's sisters lives in Miami) can see them. They were really pleased.

You can't throw yourself a baby shower that is tacky! Nice if someone decides to do it for you as a surprise though. I didn't have one when I was pg with DS, and not having one during this pgcy!

WiiUnfit · 07/01/2011 16:20

I know what you mean undercovamutha, I'd like to point out that while I have posted scan pics on Facebook for family & friends, it is not my profile pic!!

nappyaddict · 25/01/2011 18:24

Those of you that prefer the scan photo to be a private thing between just mother and father did you just have normal scan or one of those 3D/4D ones. Because where the NHS scans produce a grainy photo resembling some sort of alien the 3D/4D ones are quite amazing to look at and I can see why you might want to share that?

Those of you that hate baby showers do you include in that small affairs where you might just go out for a meal or have afternoon tea or a takeaway at someone's house for example?

nappyaddict · 25/01/2011 18:25

Oh and are professional baby photos OK if you keep them as a private thing just for the mother and father to look at?

StuffingGoldBrass · 25/01/2011 18:31

Some of my friends threw a baby shower for me, partly (I think) because I was and still am about the only person in that particular gang to have a baby. It was lovley of them, particularly as I'd lost my job a couple of months ago and they gave me Mothercare vouchers...
I also did have some 'professional' pics taken of my bump but that was for a professional purpose (to illustrate a magazine article).

But I do think some people maybe overbomb it in acting like theirs is the first pregnancy in the world ever and expecting everyone they know to be interested in every burp, fart, little kick and developing haemorrhoid.

cookingfat · 25/01/2011 18:39

baby shower: nope (but partly cos friends have had to cough up for our hen/stag and wedding in the last few months, and feel bad asking for/expecting more!). Going to first baby shower (for someone else) in a few weeks and think it will be really fun.

photos: got some nice ones as DH hobby is photography. BUT for our eyes only!

scan photo: showed immediate family and some friends (not via facebook though). It's not that clear anyway!

facebook: when I found out I was pg, asked my brother to keep me in check and tell me off if my updates got too pg obsessive. He hasn't yet and I'm 38+5. Put a couple of bump photos up, but took them down again once interested parties (close friends and family who I don't see that often) had seen them.

marantha · 25/01/2011 18:40

I don't care for all this fuss about babies. I don't care for all the fuss about weddings, either. Get down the register office and sign the form wearing jeans is my opinion.

Although, it is ALWAYS a good idea to put the wedding before the baby. So it's bit dumb to have the baby shower without the wedding first.

NinkyNonker · 25/01/2011 18:46

Haven't seen anything like this bar scan pics on fb, I like seeing them. We just had a spreadsheet of what we needed and worked through it, jobby done.

fatlazymummy · 25/01/2011 19:42

No I don't think you are being unreasonable at all OP. I don't have facebook but if I did I certainly wouldn't put my scan photo on it, nor would I pose for any special 'pregnancy photos. I wouldn't want a baby shower either.
I didn't want a big formal wedding either, I'm quite a low key private person. I would never ever have worn one of those Tshirts with a pregnancy slogan or even have worn one of those badges on public transport.It's just attention seeking to me. Each to their own of course.

cumbria81 · 25/01/2011 19:49

My friend had a baby shower and even though I am a cynical old fart I really enjoyed it.

She didn't ask for any presents (I just bought her a bunch of flowers), it was just an afternoon of women sitting around eating cake and talking. I thought it was a nice ritual.

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