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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that there are very few jobs which fit in with young children in school?

517 replies

jamieoliverfan · 04/01/2011 20:08

Especially considering how often they get ill (my dc started in September and has been off ill for 20 days with 2 tummy bugs, 3 double ear infections and now tonsillitis and ear infection) plus then there are all the school holidays.

Both dh and I don't want to leave our dc in before and after school childcare or childcare during the Holidays as we believe that we should look after our own child. So I would like to know what jobs could you do between 9.30 and 15.00 Monday to Friday except term time and during illness?

I have contacted supermarkets: they were not interested re how to deal with flexibility in case of illness (dh cannot take time off in these circumstances)(i.e.unpaid leave I suggested, but that was not possible). Also contacted local businesses but they thought the hours were too restricted and that school holidays would be a problem.

Is there anybody who has a job during term time with some flexibility in case of children being ill? What do you do and how did you get it?

Thanks a lot.

OP posts:
3kiddies · 05/01/2011 14:49

I really don't know why mothers feel the need to get defensive about their decisions, wether that's being a sahm, wahm, wohm. Were all working hard, love our children and want the best for them. Do you all really get a buzz out of slatting people choices. Well if you do i'd suggest your not truely happy with the life you've got and maybe need to change it or simply come to terms with it.

JamieLeeCurtis · 05/01/2011 14:50

Spot on

larus · 05/01/2011 14:53

Actually way I am a part time mum. I just really don't think being smug/self-righteous/judgemental about whether people work or not and or use childcare or not is particularly helpful. And the OP has been - I think the word that has most irritated is 'dumped'.

MrsTumbles · 05/01/2011 14:53

Wow, I have been sucked in to reading all of this! I was a bit upset by the OP, however being in a very nice mood today, and giving her the benefit of the doubt, I thought I'd pass on some helpful advice.

Work horrible, nasty, smelly shifts :) The world is becoming a 24/7 place and there is so much shift work out there in pretty much every sector nowadays. We have got by with my DH being self employed and me working shifts. Due to the shit economy, DH is changing HIS job to one where he will work shifts more crappy than mine. Some days we will not see each other, but we can always be there for DD, and we will actually see more of each other this way as there will be times when we are both off together!

And just as a side, we 'dumped' her at Nursery 2 days a week, she cried pretty much every time we picked her up as she was having so much fun. I used to adore after school clubs when I was a kid, I begged my Mum to let me go to one nearly every night even though she was a SAHM.

compo · 05/01/2011 14:54

Part time mum? I'm sure even when I'm at work I'm still a mother Grin

MrsTumbles · 05/01/2011 14:56

Ooh, just re-read my post. That wasn't a dig at SAHM's, I just ment that I could have gone home, but I wanted to stay at the clubs. I don't fancy being drawn into any bun-fights today :)

DasherandSmugly · 05/01/2011 14:56

It was much easier for me when they were both in nursery as the childcare and hours are so good. I'm finding it much more of a struggle now DS is at school and especially struggle with not being able to do any homework with him in the week.

montysorry · 05/01/2011 14:57

I don't think anyone hijacked the thread. The OP admitted her OP was deliberately provocative.

If you don't want anyone to look after your children then that's a fair enough point. However, you can't expect industry to create jobs just to suit parents who want to earn a bit of pocket money in between the school runs-oh and whilst they're at it, also take off as much time as is needed to deal with family issues such as illness and school plays etc.

Industry cannot work this way. It is rarely profitable or practical to have a workforce which does so few hours and on top of this, one who may just ring up at 8am and say they cannot make it in on a regular basis.

I'm all for flexible working systems and for companies to be more family friendly but what you want is for them to ignore their business so you don't have to put your children in after school care.

I work p/t. I was a SAHM for a while too. If you want to return to work you need to accept that you have to adjust your lifestyle and expectations slightly. If you're not prepared to do that then you need to give up any notion of returning to work. Flexibility needs to work both ways.

larus · 05/01/2011 14:57

Well yes, probably am still a mum all the time. Oops. Symptom of being a bad working mother. Must remember its work that is part time, not being a mum Wink Grin

JamieLeeCurtis · 05/01/2011 14:58

Just as an aside- I was a SAHM and "dumped" both my DSs at playgroup/nursery for half-days/days from age 2.6.

I must be really bad

wayoftheworld · 05/01/2011 15:04

jamieleecurtis you are bad not for "dumping" you children but for not being understanding with smb who chose not to do it.

wayoftheworld · 05/01/2011 15:04

...and can afford not to do it!!

reelingintheyears · 05/01/2011 15:05

I did nights in a nursing home when mine were small.
7pm-7am.
Got home,gave them breakfast and took them to school.
Went home to bed put the washing on/hang it out,clear up 'stuff' and get a kip in with the baby in the afternoon.
DP did most of the shopping then.

reelingintheyears · 05/01/2011 15:06

DP was also working i should add. Grin

montysorry · 05/01/2011 15:06

I can easily afford not to but still did.

LeQueen · 05/01/2011 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TandB · 05/01/2011 15:29

3kiddies - clearly some people DO get a buzz out of slating other people's choices otherwise this thread would never have been started or the OP would have chosen to post in a non-provocative manner.

Sadly, this is not the first post along these lines and it will not be the last. The reason people get defensive is that they are sick to the back teeth of hearing the same old sanctimonious rubbish spouted over and over again. "Well I look after MY kids" and "My children will never be dumped in nursery" or "My children come before expensive holidays" or that real corker "I don't know why people have children if they don't want to look after them."

And inevitably someone pops up and bleats the old chestnut "No-one else can make you feel guilty, only you can do that." Rubbish. People make others feel bad all the time. If words had no impact then there would be no MN as no-one would feel the need to seek advice, agreement, approval for any action at all. It is human nature to take things to heart - some people are better than others at ignoring the digs, others get very, very upset.

People like the OP know this and play on it, whether because they like being unkind or because they have doubts about their own lives and are trying to downplay the positives in other peoples' situations, who knows.

For what it's worth, I am absolutely comfortable with the choices we made for our son. Sometimes I have a few little smug feelings about the way things have turned out. I know perfectly well that I have nothing to feel guilty about in returning to the job that I enjoy, am good at and make a difference by doing. I know perfectly well that my son is happy and well-adjusted and benefiting by being in nursery. No-one else is going to make me doubt that. A year ago, I did worry over our choices. I was 6 months into motherhood and I worried over everything. There will be other people reading this thread and others like it who are just starting out on the journey back to work and questioning their decisions. Like Litchick, I am not prepared to sit here and bleat "each to their own" as smugtastic, spiteful little so-and-sos make their decisions more difficult than they need to be.

Rant over.

Thelastnameleft · 05/01/2011 15:33

kungfupanda Im new here and not sure if I can "like" your post or not but if I could I would...hear hear!

GrimmaTheNome · 05/01/2011 15:41

I'm afraid I haven't had time to read the thread properly as I've been working Wink.

I am one of the fortunate few who has managed to combine a good, challenging job with having a child. I write scientific software part-time from home. The home working happened before DD, because my company didn't want to lose me when DH had to relocate. I negotiated part-time when DD went to school, again I suppose they would prefer me working for them half time happily than not at all.

Jobs like mine are as rare as hens' teeth. I'm bloody lucky and know it. However - I wouldn't be in this position if I hadn't pushed for it.

Get well qualified, make yourself indispensible, then start your family if you can!

JamieLeeCurtis · 05/01/2011 15:48

Wayoftheworld - I was joking! I don't judge anybody (apart from Jeremy Kyle but he deserves it)

soggy14 · 05/01/2011 15:53

dh and I both work mainly from home so we usually manage to juggle the child care between us. Has your dh tried requesting home working from his employer? I think that YANBU - it is very hard to find something that works with young children and unless you are some top earner or have lots o fparental free help then the child care ends up workin gout as more than you can earn :(
Am surprised by the agressive nature of the replies that I've read so far though.

CommanderDrool · 05/01/2011 15:55

As a SAHM I would add that decisions made wheni was 30 - have baby even though paid by 'the day on a casual rate with no maternity pay, right to return etc - have had repercussions now I am 36 and have three children.

I am studying and in a year will hopefully manage a PGDE and( fingers crossed) get a job.

If I had waited until I had a staff job, track record at that company, and acquired some rights, I would be working now with above average pay. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

However my staying at home has given DP the freedom to work all hours (!) to set up his own business.

Rocky12 · 05/01/2011 16:02

LeQueen - very very wise words indeed. Very luckily I work for a large company and am now largely based from home although I have always used a nursery or childminder.

Working from home for a company does not allow you to have a screaming child in the background or worse one of them answering the phone on your behalf! When the children were younger I was in sales and although my diary was under my control I really dont know how I did it racing from here to there. I think a very supportive other half helped!

I basically had a list of what if's....

  1. What if my nursery wouldnt take the children because they were ill. What would I do?
  1. Would my Mum come and sit in the house if one of the children were sick? I would have to pick her up and drop her off quite rightly (she lives about 30 miles away potentially meaning that I could be picking her up at say 0630 one morning or have her stay the night) Ironically I have NEVER needed to use this option.
  1. I have a list of other mothers who can pick up for me if I am stuck. I do it for them and it works well.
  1. I need to always recognise that my children were MY issue. Nothing to do with the company, and therefore not their problem. They were paying me to do a job not fit it in during term time, school hours etc.

I really dont get the posters who say they have no one to do any of this. There was a heated debate on another thread regarding people bringing noisy children into nativity plays and when questioned said that there was NO ONE at all to mind a wriggly toddler even if just for 1 hour, so no friends, no family, no other parents, and no OH's!

Its been tough over the years, however with both of us working we have been able to afford to educate the children privately something we would never have thought about if I didnt work.

Its funny LeQueen, when you are dog tired from looking after children or you have a bad day you often assume that all days are going to be like this, and you make decisions that in a calm relaxed state you wouldnt make in a million years.

LeQueen · 05/01/2011 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ormirian · 05/01/2011 16:22

The other thing I found when I had my first baby was a strong feeling that 'this was it'. I would be a mother for the rest of my life and I didn't really need to think about anything as far off as when DS1 was 18! Now he's 14 and very independent and I can see the end of my mothering days. It feels very different now.

In some ways the thing that I cursed and resented so much at the time, that I was the main earner and couldn't give up work, has been a blessing long-term. It didn't feel like it when I had 3 children under 6 and a full-time job.