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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dealing with partner's nasty ex girlfriend.

532 replies

chloeloveshim · 03/01/2011 22:44

Partner and I have been dating for 9 months. He moved in with my DS, 7 and myself quite quickly and AFAIC, it's going okay.
I know my partner has some issues surrounding feelings of insecurity, but most of his issues were caused by her treating him so badly for years. He also finds dealing with some situations difficult, (authority figures telling him what to do) but he's really trying to make good changes and we are working on these problems together.

One of the situations he has struggled to deal with is that of his ex girlfriend.
Partner and ex girlfriend have a 2yr old DD and tbh she is crazy!! A real loon.

She made it difficult for him to see DD, but since I met him, XGF took him back to court Shock and agreed to let him see DD at weekends.
XGF has since behaved very oddly and I'm not sure where we go from here.
A selection of her behaviour is: Attempting to tell me he is a thief/liar/cheat. Partner has told me XGF has begged him to go back to her, so I can only assume she is trying to put me off, but it hasn't worked, I'm prepared to stick by him. Xmas Smile
She has told me my DS probably hates him (DS adores him) and that he will only get me into lots of debt (I pay my own way, unlike herself.)
She complains Partner doesn't pay maintenance (He has not found a job that has suited him for long enough to pay) then she said he stole money from her. (Where will it end?)
Partner and I noticed DD had a few bruises on her body, her inside lip was cut, and she had a cut on her head, so we reported XGF to Social Services. They have carried out a full investigation. Partner doesn't trust them though (you hear the stories in the news of them getting it wrong) so Partner also made a report to the doctor about DD development.
Now nutty XGF wont disclose who DD's optician is, even though Partner has every right to know.
We have resorted to refusing to respond to any form of communication, unless it is through a solicitor, because of the abuse she gives us on picking up DD. (we do not have a solicitor at present due to financial constraints) and XGF solicitor has costed and closed the case.
Her abuse is mainly to tell me to keep out of it. I am just trying to support my Partner. She has led him a rough ride, and I am more than happy to help him.
I do not class myself as getting involved, I am just supporting my Partner as best as I can. (He would like full custody and I believe he is a good dad to DD) I have also written a few letters to XGF (from Partner of course, but he is terrible at letter writing), have answered his mobile when he does not want to speak to her, and we chose to put her hair in French Plaits, which Nutty XGF says is too much too young. Confused DD looked beautiful.

I don't think XGF is a good mother. She shouts and swears in front of DD, doesn't appear to care about her very much, and smokes. (I have seen all of this with my own eyes btw).

It has got to the point now where XGF will not speak, and we do not speak to her, but it is a strain. Obviously, there are day to day things we need to know, especially when DD comes to ours, and although we have asked XGF to respect our request not to make direct verbal contact, or telephone either of us, she simply refuses to do anything. I have written to XGF, and she is being churlish and childish to refuse to reply. (Another example of how she doesn't care for DD much at all.)

How do we proceed from here? We can't afford a solicitor, but she is taking our written word to the ludicrous extreme.

What do we do to make her understand that we will not tolerate her abusiveness and total lies about Partner, and to see it is for the best for the forseeable future for Partner to see as much of DD as she does. (Partner very hurt about this.)
We have proposed to her in writing that DD lives with us for a week, then her, and hopefully that will get the ball rolling, but again, she has not responded to our request.

How do I get through to someone so stubborn and unreasonable?
I want the best possible life for her DD, and I know that is with me and my Partner.

Maybe I am just ranting, I just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom for me and my Partner??

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/01/2011 00:05

portaloo..yes, you do say it's been 5 years since you split

difficult one to get our heads around, that

it being in black and white'n'all

BitOfFun · 05/01/2011 00:06

The DS and DD switch between threads too Confused

BoysAreLikeDogs · 05/01/2011 00:06

bizarro

AnyFucker · 05/01/2011 00:07

please put the fuckwit on now

one last swansong....

it's no more than we deserve !

Ripeberry · 05/01/2011 00:07

You may find that one day you will be the 'nutty ex girlfriend' if he ends up running off with someone else.

Tell him to get a job and start paying some maintenance and he will have to bow to authority! Everyone does if they want to get on with life!R

BitOfFun · 05/01/2011 00:09

Ah, no, I'm wrong there. Must have been something else I read tonight.

ZacharyQuack · 05/01/2011 00:10

I know the OP said that the dickhead can't write his own letters, so can we at least have the barrister on now?

HollyTwat · 05/01/2011 00:10

There wS that thread the other day where someone slagged off her childminder then she came on to defend herself

Is this the new trend?

ZacharyQuack · 05/01/2011 00:11

BOF, no you're right, the dickhead's current girlfriend's child is referred to as a DD (@ 23:02 in the thread linked above), but this could just be a typo.

BitOfFun · 05/01/2011 00:12

It's a trusty favourite bizarre coincidence, HollyTwat.

portaloo · 05/01/2011 00:12

Cloudbase I totally accept that, I apologise. I would like to put the record straight. I was angry when I wrote that, although that is probably no excuse.

I was with XP for 5 years. We split early in 2009, so entirely my fault for the error. It should read '20 long months of penny pinching since we split'.

I made a mistake. Sad Sorry. Am happy to put the record straight, but am somewhat dubious about revealing much more specific detail about myself now.

You just never can tell who is reading. Confused

AnyFucker · 05/01/2011 00:14

zach...the OP has referred to her partner's daughter as "DD" from the beginning

it is that detail (and others) that has incensed people all the way through

I think the sex of the respective children has been consistent, tbh

SlightlyJaded · 05/01/2011 00:14

Fuckety bollocks. Was about to go sleep as well. But am now so intrigued confused by the 5 years?/ 2 years ?/ troll?/ not troll? / verucas? / piles? / Chloe?/ Clone? conundrum - not to mention the possibility of money saving energy tips - that I cannot rest.

sevenkeystomysoul · 05/01/2011 00:14

Fuzzypicklehead, where, in the statue of foot ailments, do verrucas take precedence over numb balls? I might just have to write to your solicitor and demand a response in writing, in ten days.

ZacharyQuack · 05/01/2011 00:15

Wouldn't be interesting if the OP of this thread could come back now while Portaloo is here, so this could be discussed properly?

BitOfFun · 05/01/2011 00:15

Well portaloo- at least you can see that the loon character is commonly accepted to be Chloe.

I wonder if we can arrange for you both to post at the same time? It would be an MN first.

ZacharyQuack · 05/01/2011 00:16

AF, I'm referring to Portaloo's thread where she says "I feel so sad for her DD."

Again, could easily be a typo.

AnyFucker · 05/01/2011 00:16

portaloo...I think you should report this hread

it can clear up a lot of misunderstandings if you were to do just that

I mean...someone is stalking you and writing your private business all over t'internet

you can't allow that to happen, can you ?

will you do it ?

Vallhala · 05/01/2011 00:16

"He rings me to tell me something apparently important, and makes lewd suggestions, asking me to take him back."

Written by Portaloo long before Chloe came on the scene.

So, if both do exist, Chloe, you're fucked dear. Whilst you've been hankering after another woman's child your boyfriend has been hankering after the other woman.

It appears that Portaloo still receives letters pertaining to your boyfriend's debts. I'm sure she'd be happy to give you copies (keeping originals for the court of course) as proof and so you can pay them for your poor much maligned idle wankstain of a boyfriend.

AnyFucker · 05/01/2011 00:17

zach, I'm getting confused myself now Grin

BitOfFun · 05/01/2011 00:18

Two laptops, both press send at the same time? Would the IP addresses be different, I wonder?

HollyTwat · 05/01/2011 00:19

Grin @ slightlyjaded

I agree BOF If only there were some way of proving they were different. Perhaps someone who knows one of them might come along?

AnyFucker · 05/01/2011 00:19

seven...are you a very slow typer ?

or are your balls that bad ? Grin

AnyFucker · 05/01/2011 00:19

GET THE FUCKWIT ON

fuzzypicklehead · 05/01/2011 00:20

Nuts to your numb balls! OP's relationship has probably been around longer than your balls. I've been told this verrucca is mine until death do us part. I can arrange for you to have supervised visitation, though.