Dealing with partner's nasty ex girlfriend.

[chloeloveshim]

Partner and I have been dating for 9 months. He moved in with my DS, 7 and myself quite quickly and AFAIC, it's going okay.
I know my partner has some issues surrounding feelings of insecurity, but most of his issues were caused by her treating him so badly for years. He also finds dealing with some situations difficult, (authority figures telling him what to do) but he's really trying to make good changes and we are working on these problems together.

One of the situations he has struggled to deal with is that of his ex girlfriend.
Partner and ex girlfriend have a 2yr old DD and tbh she is crazy!! A real loon.

She made it difficult for him to see DD, but since I met him, XGF took him back to court and agreed to let him see DD at weekends.
XGF has since behaved very oddly and I'm not sure where we go from here.
A selection of her behaviour is: Attempting to tell me he is a thief/liar/cheat. Partner has told me XGF has begged him to go back to her, so I can only assume she is trying to put me off, but it hasn't worked, I'm prepared to stick by him.
She has told me my DS probably hates him (DS adores him) and that he will only get me into lots of debt (I pay my own way, unlike herself.)
She complains Partner doesn't pay maintenance (He has not found a job that has suited him for long enough to pay) then she said he stole money from her. (Where will it end?)
Partner and I noticed DD had a few bruises on her body, her inside lip was cut, and she had a cut on her head, so we reported XGF to Social Services. They have carried out a full investigation. Partner doesn't trust them though (you hear the stories in the news of them getting it wrong) so Partner also made a report to the doctor about DD development.
Now nutty XGF wont disclose who DD's optician is, even though Partner has every right to know.
We have resorted to refusing to respond to any form of communication, unless it is through a solicitor, because of the abuse she gives us on picking up DD. (we do not have a solicitor at present due to financial constraints) and XGF solicitor has costed and closed the case.
Her abuse is mainly to tell me to keep out of it. I am just trying to support my Partner. She has led him a rough ride, and I am more than happy to help him.
I do not class myself as getting involved, I am just supporting my Partner as best as I can. (He would like full custody and I believe he is a good dad to DD) I have also written a few letters to XGF (from Partner of course, but he is terrible at letter writing), have answered his mobile when he does not want to speak to her, and we chose to put her hair in French Plaits, which Nutty XGF says is too much too young. DD looked beautiful.

I don't think XGF is a good mother. She shouts and swears in front of DD, doesn't appear to care about her very much, and smokes. (I have seen all of this with my own eyes btw).

It has got to the point now where XGF will not speak, and we do not speak to her, but it is a strain. Obviously, there are day to day things we need to know, especially when DD comes to ours, and although we have asked XGF to respect our request not to make direct verbal contact, or telephone either of us, she simply refuses to do anything. I have written to XGF, and she is being churlish and childish to refuse to reply. (Another example of how she doesn't care for DD much at all.)

How do we proceed from here? We can't afford a solicitor, but she is taking our written word to the ludicrous extreme.

What do we do to make her understand that we will not tolerate her abusiveness and total lies about Partner, and to see it is for the best for the forseeable future for Partner to see as much of DD as she does. (Partner very hurt about this.)
We have proposed to her in writing that DD lives with us for a week, then her, and hopefully that will get the ball rolling, but again, she has not responded to our request.

How do I get through to someone so stubborn and unreasonable?
I want the best possible life for her DD, and I know that is with me and my Partner.

Maybe I am just ranting, I just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom for me and my Partner??

Im not a german shower fan though,thinking of doing a Spanish take on the course of action

oh, the magic went for me a loooooong time ago

however I might get me a cock-lodging fuckwit to sponge off me and scramble my brains...it may just give me a new lease of life

disclaimer ...I have had my share of fuckwits, so there is no offence meant to those of us who have been there. Any offence taken should be purely by this OP. Thanking-you.

mj, you are right

but I for one have been entertained

and gleaned some information to go in my spreadsheet to be used in the future, if necessary

1. chickens is prone to verrucas, but has discovered an effective way of getting rid of them

2. val has a romantic attachment to her goldfish

3. WB has a zit on her arse

4. thecatsonthemat has piles

...and various other ailments as described by others

Not wasted, oh no

I think I came out better off there in comparison AnyFucker! :o

PMSL

OP, you're a creepy bastard.

I still want op to come back and give us her super electricity-saving tips!

I want to know what problems the OP's boyfriend has with authority figures.

Does she mean he needs his hand holding every time he needs to speak to anyone higher in authority than a coumcil toilet cleaner or does he just have a tendency to tell policemen to fuck off?

I'm guessing Reality and Sungirltan have enviable spreadsheets, given that they were able to find and link the other two threads.

I don't really have a spreadsheet

but I do have an uncanny memory for who has a boil on their arse

Hoping for your sake it isn't a photographic memory...

I used to work in family law and from my hazy recollections disagree mj - I think the gf would have been allowed in and it would be relevant to contact if she didn't want the ex coming to her house if that was where the deadbeat bf was living. She could have mentioned it to her bf (since he was representing himself) or it could have come up during all the toing and froing/negotiating that goes on outside the court room (in which case she wouldn't need to go into the room anyway).

Can't believe I'm getting involved, this thread is just too compelling

fuzzy

is it time yet to do another countdown ? (until the deadbeat dad comes on to tell us allll about his problem with us ...)

10....

Any news on how to save on the leccy bills yet?

we are still waiting, SJ

I just read the other two threads from the ExGf, and apart from the fact that they are all really similar, the dates are skewed - apparantly she left her ex 5 yrs ago but the DD is apparently 2?

Can't believe I am so sucked into this!

Op, why do you hate a woman you don't even know to the extent that you are maliciously plotting to remove her child from her? Because you are nasty, insecure and jealous, and you know, underneath all that self-justifying bollocks you keep spouting, that this man does not love you, gives not a shit for your poor son, and is only with you because you are a pathetically soft touch who is not only facilitating his work shy lifestyle, but feeding his ego into the bargain.

You complain about his child's mother smoking, yet you buy him tobacco? But that's OK because he moves a few feet further away from the house when smoking than she does? Oh, OK then, that must make it alright.

You insist he loves his daughter, but a man who loves and cares for his child will contribute willingly to her welfare, both emotionally and financially. This person you are with refuses to support his child in any way and in fact, is making her situation far worse by harrassing her poor mother, with you, the latest, and I doubt the last, idiot to take him on, acting as his trusty sidekick. This is not a father, and you Op, are not a suitable candidate for a step mother, or even a suitable candidate for a mother. What of your poor son in all this? Did you ask him if he wanted this man moving into his home, his life, his relationship with you? You are clearly one of those despicable women who put their own needs above those of their children and I am sure this man is just one in a long line of losers you will be foisting upon your son throughout his childhood.

The pair of you are vile, but you more so for being so vindictive towards someone you don't even know, simply because she was with your boyfriend before you were and has a child and a history with him. You can't bear it, can you, knowing she dumped him and wondering if she hadn't whether they would still be together, whether he still loves her, whether you are simply sloppy seconds?

You keep going on about sickness and health, for richer for poorer, but you have known this man for nine months. You are his meal ticket, not his future wife, and you are very, very deluded if you really believe otherwise. In the meantime, you and he are ruining two childrens' lives. If anyone was fool enough to get with my ex (please, please, please, all applications considered), started referring to our DD as her DD after nine years, let alone nine months, and tried to take her away from me, my response would forever redefine the meaning of 'nasty'.

I was hoping to be shocked out of my frigidity by the words of this wonderful man

this man with a cock of gold at the end of the rainbow ....

< muses happily >

< scratches >

I have deliberately chosen not to post in here until now, although I have read the thread. I would rather not have posted at all, seems everyone has given great advice and tbf, it is a little too close to home for me right now.

What I do object to though, is being accused of being behind this thread. I have been very open about my situation, and have had some fantastic support and good advice, and I wouldn't like to think this thread caused me to feel reluctant to post again, in case mnetters on here thought me no longer credible. I have posted on many threads and have lurked for years, and I have ALWAYS been known as Portaloo.

WRT your last post mjinsparklystockings , I am deeply offended at the comments you have made.

XP was sent a letter from my sol to say she was indeed costing and closing my case. It is unfortunate that you have not come across this phrase, but these were the words my sol used. I am under legal funding, so maybe she could only cost the case once she thought it was over, which clearly it isn't, from other things I have disclosed.

WRT halving the cost of contact, this was also a conversation that took place, and I was also being truthful about that. I don't remember ever stating it took place inside a courtroom in front of a judge though. As you will probably know, legal representatives try to come to some sort of amicable agreement before going into court. It was during these discussions outside the courtroom that the suggestion was made.

Please do not read between the lines and practically call me a liar. I have always been truthful on here, why would I pretend to be someone else or lie about what my sol's letter said or even what went on in court FGS.

Thank you for ripping my thread to shreds anyway. It might just be another thread to you, but ITS MY LIFE !!!!!!! I am not a liar FFS!!!

PS, Thanks for all the support I have had on here so far, it has been a wonderful place to vent and share and be supported.

I am actually tempted to say that if anyone wishes me to send them a copy of the bloody letter to prove my point (since the sol sent me a draft letter before sending to XP), I am prepared to do that. If anyone would like to take me up on that, please let me know.

I'm off for a breather now while you analyse my post.