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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Took monitor out of DS 3.8 room. Am I too early?

78 replies

WannabeNigella · 03/01/2011 19:33

I kind of know (hope) I'm not but need some reassurance.

DS is 3.8yrs and had baby monitor in room till now but we have another dc due in a couple of months and we want to use monitor for them so I've took it out of DS's room tonight so it isn't a straight swap if you know what I mean.

He would get me if he wanted me but sometimes in the middle of the night if he wants something he just softly repeats my name over and over and I won't hear it without monitor and I feel guilty.

First night tonight!

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 03/01/2011 23:48

Amazingly not! He loves his cot so we're in no hurry to move him :)

cece · 03/01/2011 23:49

I currently have DC3 cyring on and off upstairs. I can certainly hear him fine without a monitor! Likewise in our bedroom too. And we have quite a large house.

He is 19 months old and I haven't used it since he was about 5 or 6 months old.

TBH I might use one if we were in the garden and he was a bit unsettled this summer but then we have a long garden!

earwicga · 03/01/2011 23:55

You won't need it for the garden cece - I tried putting mine down the end of a long garden so I didn't have to hear them. I still could.

ChippingIn · 04/01/2011 00:42

Ali - god no - keep him in there till he's 15 if you can :) Mind you, having said that, the one I was dreading going from a cot to a bed did so at 19 months and was suprisingly no bother at all?!

Greenbananas - yes the OP asked and she was answered, quite nicely, totally friendly thread - so not sure why you are being so defensive? Co-sleep until he's 21 if you are all happy with that... the OP asked for opinions, you didn't. It's nothing to do with being a 'super mum'.

Earwicga - you're doing it all wrong, you didn't put them in the shed and lock the door!

cece · 04/01/2011 16:06

Maybe! But his bedroom is at the front of the house and the garden is about 80 metres long!

earwicga · 04/01/2011 16:57

Nice! You might be lucky then and not hear a peep cece

ChippingIn - sadly the shed doesn't have enough room left in it.

activate · 04/01/2011 16:59

you had a monitor in a 3 year old's bedroom

I don't believe you should be responding to a 3 year old in the middle of the night anyway so good job you've taken it out

earwicga · 04/01/2011 17:30

You only work 9-5 activate?

usernamechanged345 · 04/01/2011 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/01/2011 18:06

activate are you serious?

What about if something is upsetting you in the middle of the night, or you are ill - do you expect your DH to 'respond' to you, or just ignore you?

What a bizarre and frankly horrid attitude.

activate · 04/01/2011 18:28

I am absolutely serious

You do not respond to a 3 year old who is, and I quote from OP "softly repeats my name over and over and I won't hear it without monitor and I feel guilty."

you respond to a kid making enough noise to need a response

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/01/2011 18:30

But he hasn't learnt to shout, because he hasn't had to.

We shouldn't punish our children when they behave in a way which we have (even unwittingly) encouraged them to.

activate · 04/01/2011 18:32

One of the best things you can teach a child is to sleep through the night which includes not responding to little murmurings that are most probably in light sleep mode but when you zoom in to check on child you wake them up properly

LoopyLoopsOfSparklyFairyLights · 04/01/2011 18:39

I'm wondering if I need to get a 2nd monitor, DD will be 2 when the next child comes along.

We have a 4 storey house and can't hear from the kitchen, but mostly I use it because the lullaby function will get her back to sleep again without any hassle. Think I might have to get a 2nd exactly the same...

activate · 04/01/2011 18:42

I'm tempted to get a monitor for my eldest two - they are far too secretive teenagers - not sure I want to hear tbh

alibubbles · 04/01/2011 19:22

I assumed 3.8 months, but 3.8 years!! As others said, nuff said! Sling it and don't use it for number 2. IME of looking after over 50 children, the parents who use monitors never get a full nights sleep until their children are adults at least 5 years old.

pigletmania · 04/01/2011 19:23

I do agree with activate, if a child really want you they will let you know in no hurry, some children just mutter in their sleep, like the ops child.

pigletmania · 04/01/2011 19:24

The sound will get louder and louder until you do hear and take notice.

Original poster

WannabeNigella · 04/01/2011 20:59

Just wanted to say a big thankyou for all your responses but also just comment on a few bits too if I may.

Alibubbless - Firstly given the title of the thread and the comments that followed I don't think it's all that shocking that I'm not talking about a 3 month 8 day old.

Also, most of you that think I am crazy to have had it in there have said that you removed yours as dc were snuffling, grumbling etc and therefore disturbing your sleep. This has never been the case for me so why, given the fact I have a perfectly good baby monitor plugged in and working, and have a baby in quite a big room so therefore not so close to the monitor I hear every murmur so has never disturbed me, "should" I have removed it? I'm a bit curious as to what would be that trigger, given the circumstances.

Activate, whilst I understand where you are coming from regarding not running into every murmur, which I agree with by the way, I cannot agree with the fact I shouldn't be responding to my 3rd old when he asks for me on the odd occasion he does!

I have spoken to DS today about why it's not in there and he appears to understand he will have to shout a bit louder if he needs me. The hardest bit is being downstairs with the tele on wondering if he wants me or not, once I'm in bed and the house is quiet it has been ok.

Thanks again everyone.

OP posts:

SmethwickBelle · 04/01/2011 21:09

Not remotely unreasonable!

Original poster

WannabeNigella · 04/01/2011 21:10

Awwww thanks Smethwick. Think it's just you and me though! Lol.

OP posts:

activate · 04/01/2011 21:22

well the main point is we all parent in the way we see fit - and we all learn from our own mistakes and experiences, and not from anyone else's

you are entitled to do whatever you like - me, I like my sleep

earwicga · 04/01/2011 21:32

Don't worry WannabeNigella - if he really needs you then he will come downstairs. In fact he will come downstairs many many times when he doesn't need you. Perhaps to show you how the cat looks like when worn as a hat.

activate - I beg to differ - I learnt a lot about parenting from my mother's mistakes!

practicallyimperfect · 04/01/2011 21:46

This thread has made me feel a bit guilty. Ds is 16months and doesn't have a monitor. I never really used it anyway, but he has always been loud.

I wish I still had it now as he has started chattering away before he goes to sleep an I have to stand outside door to hear!

pigletmania · 04/01/2011 22:04

Wannabe at 3.8 years it is time to ditch the monitor. He is a big boy and will make himself heard if he really really needs you. I dont have my TV very loud and the downstaires door ajar and her room door ajar and can certainly hear her when she booms calls. Time to let go now, and use it on the baby.

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