Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to sulk like a child over my birthday plans

39 replies

RueLaChesty · 02/01/2011 22:39

or lack thereof?

I think i know the answer to this one!

In my family and DP's I am the organiser, always have been. From weddings, birthdays etc to just general get togethers. I enjoy it and am good at it.

DP is 33 now but for his 30th i organised a surprise party, meal and a treat. I made a big effort.

It is my 30th in 2 weeks and, you'll have seen this coming, nothing has been planned!!! Now before you say that I should have done it myself, i was. Then DP was saying, can we afford this etc and really trying to put me off so I thought, maybe he has something planned, so i left it.

Now, he's just been offered a new job and starts the week of my birthday that he originally had off. He said oh i said to them i couldn't work the saturday in case you had planned a night out for your birthday.

I initially thought he was joking but turns out he's not. Nothing has been organised :( but now its 2 weeks away and i can't get anywhere booked and i've texted round my friends and a lot can't make it as its short notice!

He has also said that i might need to wait till the following week for my present as my birthday is before pay day!! This happens all the time, from my siblings as well which i understand as january is tough. But its my 30th and it has been coming up for last 365 days!

I just feel like stamping my feet and taking a tantrum that would rival DD's.

AIBU??

OP posts:

ZhuZhuhell · 02/01/2011 22:41

maybe he does have a surprise planned for you and is bluffing?

ilovemyhens · 02/01/2011 22:43

My birthday is in January too and nothing ever happens. My dcs don't even know when my birthday is because it's always been such a none event

People are skint and miserable in January and can't be bothered with anything after all the fuss surrounding Christmas/New Year.

dunno what you can do really. Postpone it 'till July perhaps?

reddaisy · 02/01/2011 22:44

Maybe he does have a surprise planned, but don't count on it as you could be doubly disappointed. No advice, but I feel your pain as I am the organiser here too!

curlymama · 02/01/2011 22:45

YANBU, and he has two weeks to pull his finger out. Get one of your friends, or your Mum or someone to tell him that he needs to get his butt in gear.

SuchProspects · 02/01/2011 22:48

YANBU. You should sit him down now and tell him how disappointed you are. Then let him know you expect him to do without a few things over the next fortnight to make sure he can pay for whatever he is going to get his arse in gear to arrange. And if he isn't able to make it as spectacular as you managed for him he should be planning a bit of summer time treat for you as well.

Original poster

RueLaChesty · 02/01/2011 22:49

I know he doesn't. He is a nightmare for organising things. it was my own fault for assuming in the first place.

I should also point out i am never out, we have sacrificed a lot in past 3 years with me being on mat leave twice and him studying but I had wanted to make a big deal of it as for past 3 years i've been pregnant or breastfeeding!

I do feel like a big sulky child though...

I just wanted one night to be about me! (how conceited do I sound??)

OP posts:

IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 02/01/2011 22:49

I really hope your DP does something for your birthday. My birthday is in 2 weeks as well and having a birthday that close to Xmas is a bit pants really.

On a side, my DP has bought me tickets to Strictly tour for mine - I'm very happy .

IcanandIwill · 02/01/2011 22:49

Not being unreasonable as far as I am concerned. Bithdays and special occasions are clearly important to you. I would feel the same but I know that not everyone is like us in this respect.

But do give him the benefit of the doubt he may have a surprise booked?

cat64 · 02/01/2011 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tyler80 · 02/01/2011 22:52

If it's short notice for your birthday how about holding it a bit later? I've been to quite a few 30th birthday parties that are timed for convenience rather than the persons birthday.

trixie123 · 02/01/2011 22:53

yep, jan birthdays suck. I have sat in many a deserted restaurant with no atmosphere but that isn't really the problem here. I get the impression this would be the same regardless of when your birthday was. YANBU to sit your DH down and gently explain that you do feel a bit let down and remind him of what you did for him. It might be a bit late for a big party but what if he organised something special for the two of you?

floweryblue · 02/01/2011 22:57

Where do you live? Could someone give a none-too-subtle hint of a treat you would love, London Eye or a Zoo trip?

I think YANBU to be upset at him seeming to have have made no effort for your upcoming birthday, but we all have birthdays every year.

I suggest making it very clear what you feel is appropriate, even if it means you organising the DC so that the spa weekend with four-poster bed can actually work!

2rebecca · 02/01/2011 22:57

I think most men just aren't as bothered about surprise parties etc as women. My husband would consider organising something like that a form of torture, and would also hate to be the recipient of one. We discuss what we plan to do for our birthdays and the one with most free time books it, usually just a meal out, or going somewhere with the kids.
If you dislike organising stuff then don't do it.

WorldsSlowestTypist · 02/01/2011 23:00

Hmph. My birthday is tomorrow, I go back to work on Tuesday and I have a 4000 word assignment due on Wednesday.
Not much of a party here.

Original poster

RueLaChesty · 02/01/2011 23:02

this is the problem, his family are not big on birthdays or christmas, or any other holidays for that matter so I know it would probably not have occurred to him. BUT we've been together 8 years so you think he'd know by now.

i was considering having a party in the house but I know i'll end up being hostess all night.

He's never great with presents etc so I never expect anything in that respect but he does this thing where he says 'oh i was going to do this great thing but ran out of time' or 'i was going to buy you this but couldn't afford it' its so annoying!!

My family are the same though and if i don't organise anything then it doesn't happen.

I'm going to have a night out with those who can make it and i'll organise a small night in with the two families (more so for my dd's and nieces and nephews who love a party).

I just hope he has something else up his sleeve! Tbh we had a very small budget for xmas and he did fantastically well. He got me a cookbook stand and a cookbook. I asked for te book but thought the stand was a brilliant present!! :)

OP posts:

WorldsSlowestTypist · 02/01/2011 23:02

Sorry OP, I forgot to say - you have my sympathy!
I would go for a summer treat - He could give you the tickets on the day.

blackeyedsusan · 02/01/2011 23:04

I am still waiting for my 40th birthday present, and I will be 42 (eek) in a couple of weeks, so I say RANT AWAY! Get yourself a take away and arrange something for when your friends are available, but don't miss out!

dontforgetthejoker · 02/01/2011 23:10

Maybe I'm being a party pooper but surely a new job , and the finances of the family as a whole , take precedence over an adult's birthday? I do think once you have children your own birthday should be less important. Perhaps your enthusiasm at organizing events for others has blinded you to the fact that the rest of the family isn't as bothered as you are, which is a shame for you as I'm sure they benefitted from your efforts, but hardly worth tantruming about.

cat64 · 02/01/2011 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mamas12 · 02/01/2011 23:13

I agree with asking someone to act on your behalf.
Telling him he should be doing something to let you know how much he appreciates you and that it will not go down well if he does'nt.

Really it's not hard to do, go on get someone to point out how loved up you will be and so pleased and how many brownie points he'll chalked etc etc.

If he didn't make any effort then I would go out with my friends if I were you. He would be looking after the dcs if he didn't want to celebrate.

FunnysInTheGarden · 02/01/2011 23:16

YABU. My birthday - my 40th in fact - is 5 days away. Usually nowt much happens due to it being near to Christmas, but this year we have both organised a weekend away months in advance, just to make sure it happens.

Sometimes you need to take control

supernoodlesrock · 02/01/2011 23:17

Mines next week :( Crap timing aint the word.

mazzystartled · 02/01/2011 23:21

30th is a bit of a big deal though, isn't it? It doesn't have to be block rocking but it would be a shame to let it pass uncelebrated.
YANBU
At this point I would take matters into my own hands and book an afternoon/day at a spa type thing and go out for dinner with anyone who can make it.
Have a very lovely time.

Original poster

RueLaChesty · 02/01/2011 23:21

its not so much the effort but just the lack of thought that bothers me most. I don't expect him to go out and spend money we don't have but its not as if this birthday has been sprung on him.

But i should expect it by now.

I'm going to hint at a spa treat. I go back to work on wednesday after 11 months and will need a relaxing day in a couple of weeks. :)

OP posts:

cat64 · 02/01/2011 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread