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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to sulk like a child over my birthday plans

39 replies

RueLaChesty · 02/01/2011 22:39

or lack thereof?

I think i know the answer to this one!

In my family and DP's I am the organiser, always have been. From weddings, birthdays etc to just general get togethers. I enjoy it and am good at it.

DP is 33 now but for his 30th i organised a surprise party, meal and a treat. I made a big effort.

It is my 30th in 2 weeks and, you'll have seen this coming, nothing has been planned!!! Now before you say that I should have done it myself, i was. Then DP was saying, can we afford this etc and really trying to put me off so I thought, maybe he has something planned, so i left it.

Now, he's just been offered a new job and starts the week of my birthday that he originally had off. He said oh i said to them i couldn't work the saturday in case you had planned a night out for your birthday.

I initially thought he was joking but turns out he's not. Nothing has been organised :( but now its 2 weeks away and i can't get anywhere booked and i've texted round my friends and a lot can't make it as its short notice!

He has also said that i might need to wait till the following week for my present as my birthday is before pay day!! This happens all the time, from my siblings as well which i understand as january is tough. But its my 30th and it has been coming up for last 365 days!

I just feel like stamping my feet and taking a tantrum that would rival DD's.

AIBU??

OP posts:

2rebecca · 02/01/2011 23:31

Agree, if you want to go to a spa tell him which one and when. I don't do hinting.

Original poster

RueLaChesty · 02/01/2011 23:32

no, i'm going to hint, my aunt sent me a cheque so if he doesn't do it or has something else planned i can do it myself.

You know, i don't think he's totally thoughtless, just maybe unromantic. He runs me baths when i'm tired etc. But in 8 years he has never bought me flowers (i'd appreciate a nice bunch for my birthday) except on day DD1 was born and it was white lilies. DD2 was born on easter saturday, he came in for visiting on sunday, no flowers, not even an egg!!

My sister has just text saying maybe he'll propose!??

OP posts:

RumourOfAHurricane · 02/01/2011 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

RueLaChesty · 02/01/2011 23:41

em, i don't think so. It wouldn't have been a big deal as i was only turning 29 then and heavily pregnant!

[racks brains trying to remember what i got last year]

Don't think it was me but good to know DP isn't the only one :)

OP posts:

GnomeDePlume · 02/01/2011 23:44

I think there is a clue in this being your 30th - isnt it time to grow up? Tantrums about birthdays are only tolerated from the under 4s.

But then I am also a January birthday and spent half my life sharing it with my Dad and now it is just the day before DDs.

RumourOfAHurricane · 02/01/2011 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GnomeDePlume · 03/01/2011 00:06

DH and I have an agreement - no surprise parties. This has happily seen us through 30ths and 40ths. By the time we get to 50ths the surprise just wont be a good idea.

I just dont get this surprise party nonsense.

Original poster

RueLaChesty · 03/01/2011 00:41

gnome its not so much the surprise party. Its just the lack of thought that i was upset with.

What did your DH do for your 30th and 40th?

I don't see the problem marking the occasion. I think telling me to grow up was a bit harsh! I had conceded i was BU.

OP posts:

GnomeDePlume · 03/01/2011 01:13

Rue - 30th & 40th? Nothing different from any other birthday - we have the dinner of our choice, some wine. My birthday is lost in the preparation for DDs birthday and for the return to work/school and recovery from new year.

DH and I dont give each other presents. We share a joint account so surprise presents would seem odd - and not much of a surprise as I check bank statements every day.

I'm sorry, my suggestion that 30th was time to grow up was hard but isnt there also some truth in it? By this age shouldnt you be saying to your DP that you would like to do this or that for your birthday? You have had 29 goes at your birthday and should know by now that this time of year no one can be bothered. I can of course say this because I have been in the same boat for over 40 years!

websticks · 03/01/2011 05:01

I get cross with things like this. When people say i cant afford your birthday or to go out ect, Its that time of year. Well they have known for a year its your birthday should have saved for it!
Over the past few weeks there has been post after post about 'we cant afford christmas for our children etc' Why has christmas appeared from no where? Have you not known for a year when christmas was? Start saving earlier like the rest of us have too! Its about being organised and prepared.
Sorry i am ranting now.
Hope you do get something nice for your birthday, sounds like you deserve it.

onmyfeet · 03/01/2011 06:50

Probably the best thing you could do, and it isn't too late, is to sit your dp down and say "Look, I organize things for everyone's birthdays, but it makes me feel special if you do mine for me. Or if you really prefer me to, at least give me some decent advance notice, so I can make plans and reservations."
Or something like that. I edited out some other stuff that sounded a little bossy.

QuintMissesChristmasesPast · 03/01/2011 07:26

Hmm
You enjoy organizing and planning, and you possibly also like a big bash. Most grown ups dont really see the point of a big birthday bash for another grown up. For all you know, people might feel that all these celebrations are becoming a bit tedious. It takes time, money and commitments for adults to celebrate another adult, on top of all the kids, and the octogenarians who DO deserve a big bash.

Postpone celebrations till your 60th.

abenstille · 03/01/2011 07:59

mines a couple of days after xmas, and always a none event too. One year when i got fed up of it, i organised a lovely day with friends on my 'half year' birthday in june. I didnt tell anyone it was for my birthday 'til we were there so they wouldnt feel like they had to buy another present. When i told them, they made such a big fuss! Highly recommended

Original poster

RueLaChesty · 03/01/2011 08:56

its ok gnome i was being sulky, but hey i don't do it often. Spoke with DP this morning and although he said nothing planned he promised to make it a great day, lie in perhaps? :)

although i disagree that birthdays should be forgone when you have kids, scaled down but still celebrated. I'm happy with a nice cooked meal any other birthday, i'm not like this every year. Honest!!

Websticks i totally agree, i have a savings account for next year already, do it every year and i use it for birthdays throughout the year.

My brothers bday is tomorrow and he has a present, well 2 as i got them in the sales so could get twice the budget.

Absentille, thats a great idea. I think i might just do that.

I think i'm more annoyed as i rarely go out these days so was just looking forward to a night out. But i decided last night that it doesn't have to be for my birthday, so i've arranged to go out with a good friend on saturday and next time we can get a babysitter DP and i will go for a night out.

Sulk over now! :)

OP posts:

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