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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dread my sons getting married...

73 replies

tubsywubsy · 02/01/2011 21:36

....as judging by the many mother in law threads on aibu, my daughters in law are more than likely to hate me.
My own MIL was lovely. Sure she had her foibles, but don't we all?
I appreciate that some MILs may be particularly difficult, but I do worry about the levels of hatred that I see on so many threads.
Please assure me that being the mother of sons does not automatically make me a harridan!

OP posts:

CURLYMAMMA · 02/01/2011 22:04

I had a TERRIBLE start with my MIL, really awful, but since having children she has been totally brilliant and I actually think she is great now.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 02/01/2011 22:05

Oh dear God, Mamatomany - you as well?? How do you stop yourself from stabbing her with a fork?

ReindeerBollocks · 02/01/2011 22:06

My MIL is lovely, that's why I don't mention her on here normally!

She has been really sweet, and although at times she is a tad overbearing, it is because she cares or is worried and wants to help.

My MIL tells me family secrets that DP doesn't even know, and rings me just to chat sometimes too. She's always invited over, but lives some distance so doesn't really see us that often.

Incidentally, she hated DP's last long term partner, as she had 'a feeling' that this woman didn't really care for her son. She was right, but luckily we hit it off straight away so I've no complaints.

mamatomany · 02/01/2011 22:07

TBH I've managed to have as little to do with her as possible, visit twice a year despite being 15 miles down the road. She spent this Christmas trying to worm her way into living with us but even my 8 year old can see that would be a disaster.
She cooked her goose when she pretended to have a heart attack when DD3 was 5 days old as far as I was concerned.

ReindeerBollocks · 02/01/2011 22:11

Now I come to think of it, it's my mum who is the problem.

DP and I have been together now for quite a while, engaged to be married later this year, and have DD. Yet my mum is still fairly obvious about the fact that she wants me to get back and marry my ex. She still buys my ex christmas presents and invites him to family functions (without asking DP or myself if this is okay).

I really feel for DP and have spoken to my mum several times.

So maybe it's that you get a mad/crazy in law per couple? (I think I'm onto something here)

ClaireFromWork · 02/01/2011 22:13

My MIL is fab! Remember that writing about the bad stuff is more common than writing about the good stuff so what you read on here is not an accurate percentage of bad relationships between DIL / MILs compared to real life.

Merely by being aware of it I'm sure you'll be fine!

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 02/01/2011 22:17

Know what you mean Mama. Mine did herself no favours when she decided that she couldn't come to see her first grandchild (the result of many months of fertility treatment - although she probably didn't take note of that) for almost 2 weeks as she had a Women's Guild coffee morning

SmethwickBelle · 02/01/2011 22:19

My MIL is a mother of boys no girls and she's always been lovely to me, we've gone on spa days, she's pitched in with the childcare on occasion and I've pitched in with her elderly mother too. We chat on the phone and been very close all things considered.

I'm a mum of boys and would certainly take her as an example to follow.

MogTheForgetfulCat · 02/01/2011 22:22

My MIL is lovely, I get on much better with her than with my own mum, so don't despair! I also have only boys, though, so do understand the concern - mine are only 4, 2 and in utero and it's still crossed my mind!

nikos · 02/01/2011 22:26

Love my mil to bits. Shes a mother to boys and I've always tried to make her feel really involved in our dcs lives, Think it's one of lifes joys to see grandparent/grandchild relationship develop. There are certain tensions in the mil/dil relationship but these can easily be overcome with a bit of kindness and humour.
When our third child was diagnosed with special needs she was the most amazing of any family member.

FudgeGirl · 02/01/2011 22:35

Sorry to hijack, but a wave for *SmethwickBelle" - my hometown! :)

ChilledChick2 · 02/01/2011 22:39

My MIL is as wacky and as mad as you can get, but is soooo lovely. We did have our wee clashes initally, but got over those and just constantly take the piss out of each other (we love a good banter). She's also great with the kids, despite being in her late 70's and arthritic. She draws the line at dancing on tables while pissed up, though.

TrillianAstra · 02/01/2011 22:40

My MIL is, y'know, fine.

You probably will be too.

Probably not the subject of crazy AIBUs, probably not loved better than DIL's own mother, just medium.

You'll just be another family member, to be liked or tolerated in various measures.

midori1999 · 02/01/2011 22:41

I love my MIL. She's slightly bonkers and does have her irritating points, but so do most of us. She's been very welcoming to me and made me feel very comfortable, plus we get on well. She is one of the very few people who truly remember mine and DH's twin daughters and wears two small and very beautiful butterfly brooches all the time to remember them, something I find lovely.

DH's stepmother on the other hand, I cannot stand...

PercyPigPie · 02/01/2011 22:58

Midori sorry about your twin daughters. That is sweet to wear the brooches though.

I know what you mean OP, but I think it is because you don't really bother to come and post on an internet forum if you are getting on with someone, as a general rule, so I hope there are lots of adoring DIL out there (for our sakes) who just don't bother posting!

amaterasu · 02/01/2011 23:00

I adore my MIL, she has always been so supportive of me and DH despite the fact that we married very young (I was 17 and he was 19) and FIL on the day of our wedding tld my father that he gave us 6 months before divorce was on the cards - we have been married 21 years!

I am the mother of 4 sons and 2 daughters and I really hope that I will be a non judgemental and supportive MIL

My eldest son is 19 and his GF is 31 - I have no issue with this because they are so happy ....I did get a bit freaked out one night last week after vast amounts of vodka because although she is only 12 years older than him - no great shakes, the realisation hit me that she is only 7 years younger than me

Ah well ...live and let live in my book

edam · 02/01/2011 23:08

My MIL's v. nice and adores ds which is the most important thing.

PotPourri · 02/01/2011 23:11

Being horrid makes dils hate you, nothing else!

fluffles · 02/01/2011 23:14

my MIL is nice, and my DH gets on with my mum, but neither of us are 'besty mates'.

i am not pregnant yet but the problems seem to begin with MILs think that the DILs body becomes their property during pregnancy because they are carrying a DGC.
i don't particularly want my mum with me when i give birth, but i CERTAINLY don't want my MIL staring up my fanjo - yes, both are equal grandmothers but only one is MY mum.

blueshoes · 02/01/2011 23:17

My MIL is lovely. I think she has a great relationship with both her DILs.

My SIL's MIL seems lovely too. But has 2 other demented DILs - high maintenance diva types who imagine slights around every corner.

Hope my ds chooses someone sane.

splasheeny · 02/01/2011 23:19

wilshelf think I might just give that list to my MIL ;)

splasheeny · 02/01/2011 23:19

wilshelf think I might just give that list to my MIL ;)

whoodoo · 02/01/2011 23:22

Being a mum if 3 boys I also worry but my MIL is great. Kindest woman I have ever met ( although sometimes quite silly IYKWIM- so well intentioned though). She loves my dh to bits but never gets involved or gives advice. She loves my babies and is always falling over herself to help out. In some ways my relationship with her is so much more straightforward that with my own mum- it gives me hope.

wayoftheworld · 02/01/2011 23:24

My MIL treats my kids different to SIL kids and she has made it clear that I am not part of the family. I have been told that I will not inherit any of her jewllery as everything will go to her doughter- she wanted to make sure I had the right expectations that's all!!(said she!! )

potplant · 02/01/2011 23:27

Mine is lovely - and she loves my boys loads.

I'm going to be a nightmare though. Wilshelf - I think I need to have your checklist tattooed on my arm

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