To check DH's mobile?

[Madinitials]

Not to see if he's having an affair but to see what PIL are saying about me? PIL and I have not had a good relationship since birth of DD 16 months ago and this has caused problems in our marriage. They know this and rather than back off a bit, they keep pushing forward with their wants and sense of entitlement.

DH gave me the passcode to his phone and he has full access to mine but after reading a shitey text from them regarding me (he asked me to find a text regarding a dinner we were attending), I cannot help but check it every so often. Should I stop?

mad pants in hot tub moment was my finest haha.They are very very straight-dont get drunk or smoke or eat nice food (except for at mine)even their holidays are taken at a sports complex dull dull dull,just cant relax.I can see me trying to get up from sofa post section whilst saying "fuck fuck" with the pain and they will be frowning at me.My mates will be coming to visit and they are as mad as me so will be funny,she had a cats bum mouth at my baby shower at our rude conversation and me drinking some champagne.

Ledkr your 18 yo son has more backbone than my DH, maybe they should have a chat. Even though you didn't talk to your DIL initailly, good for you for allowing your son to put you right. This is what our own MIL/\PIL are not doing, they're not listening. Your MIL really does push it, does she not remember how she felt when she was due to give birth? My PIL told us that when their children were first born, they didn't allow any visitors to their house for the first 3 weeks, yet they were at our house for 5 days out of the first 7 when DD was born. God knows what they're expecting when DC2 arrives.

Oh no, I cannot have friends over if PIL are viisiting -baby- us. They just take the baby from whichever of my friends is holding her or say "can I take her off your hands?". I jumped up as quickly as a woman with stitches can jump and shouted "she's been holding her for 5 mins FGS, give her a chance!"

Oh this is bad enough for you to risk a massive rift now Mad. It's your baby, your DH, your home, and they are visitors or guests, who have absolutely no say in how you do things. They need to accept this or fuck off entirely.

You need to have a very frank conversation with DH and since he is the one the vile PILs actually respect (although how much you can respect someone when you disrespect their life partner is questionable), he must in turn have a conversation with them where he makes it clear that you are his priority now, and rightly so. He must curb these texts and tell them that there are no secrets between the two of you and that if they continue to badmouth you, you will be hearing about it, and there will be consequences. Furthermore, I would make sure that all contact they have with your DCs is while you are there, and that they know that will happen. Don't welcome them in if you have friends or other family there. They do not override all other people in your lives and they need to understand this too.

As for these overnights, unannounced guests would get one night from me at the most, none if it was in the first month after my baby arrived. Look into locals B&Bs/hotels and get DH on board. That way if they happen to show up without warning, you have a plan of action.

Best of luck with these heinous beasts!

Taintedsnow - I like you

YABU to do it... But I probably would. So there you go.

tbh dh could use a different approach if not comfortable with being direct,he should ignore any texts re you and refused to be drawn into conversations about you.They would quickly realise and stop im sure.I am confident that dh wouldnt allow any negative
said about me but would pussy out by changing the subject or make an excuse for me.
Tainted i found it really hard to say no overnights with a spare room here and i also thought that it wouldnt help much cos pil would still be here from dawn till midnight,i have compromised by saying "the weekend" but they are yet to realise i mean only saturday.If they come for the weekend they usually arrive late on Friday due to m25 traffic etc and dont go untill late sunday.Cant imagine anything worse than having to hang around waiting for them on the friday 4days post section,they wont want to go straight to bed and dh will have to flap around them and they are certainly not bothering me and baby that late.They can come Sat am and on sunday if they are stil sat here by 8pm i am off to bed with baby.
I think they will ask to bring sil too-25yr old essex girl with no kids and a lapdog-but i shall put my foot down on that as she will see baby for around 5mins before moving onto dh her"big bruv"and monopolising him(whole new thread topic)

Here's an update, DH came home from PIL and said that they had had a good morning. I asked him how PIL were and if he had anything to tell me - nothing - so I brought up the text. He was surprised but as he'd seen my mood go steadily down hill last night, he had guessed that something wasn't right. Like I thought, he was upset that I had read something that had upset me rather than annoyed that I had checked his phone. We had a massive discussion about loyalties, his parents and the fact that these texts had been going on for a while. He said that I must have seen that he never agreed with what FIL said in the texts but I told him that by not putting a stop to it was like condoning it.

Anyway, it ended with him going back over to PIL and telling them like it was: basically that didn't want PIL to send any more detrimental texts about me, that his loyalties lie with me and that they needed to back off. According to him, this went down well and they have accepted what he had to say. Looking forward to seeing some changes.

Thsnk you mnetters for all your replies, especially the ones who told me that my problem wasn't checking his phone but him not having put a stop to these texts and those who have shared their MIL/PIL experiences with me. So good to know I'm not the only one out there!!

Thanks for update - glad your DH did the right thing, and pleased he didn't fixate on the reading of the texts.

Let us know how it goes. Well done for confronting it all instead of letting it eat you up.

Oh-would soooo love to show this thread to my DH in hope that he might find his balls (where ever they are packed!!) and stand up to his DM!! But I cant see this happening any time sooner...I am happy for you madinitials. May it continue in years to come!!

First thing I did this morning was to come looking for this thread, I was hoping you would have a positive update. Things may not change overnight, but the fact that you now know your DH is going to stand by your side means alot. Hope things steadily improve for you.