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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be worried about how it will affect us financially when DP moves in?

52 replies

worriedsinglemum · 02/01/2011 12:59

am a regular, have namechanged.

got 2 pre school age DC and have been with DP nearly a year. he is not DC dad. we live apart but have got quite quite serious now and have talked about marriage. at christmas we have decided that he is going to move in here with me at the end of february when his tenancy agreement ends.

i am really worried about what to expect financially as i am on full benefits at the moment.

he works and earns about 22k. but we are worried as he will have to pay all the rent and council tax at my place, which will be about £500. he also has to pay CSA of £250 a month to his ex who he has dc with and has debts with his ex (credit cards) which the repayments are about £200 at the moment. then we have got to consider food, gas, electric and his diesal to work which is about £150 as he works 30 miles away. so all of that will probably come to more than he earns :( he is in a flatshare atm so doesnt pay much rent, bills etc.

i get nothing off my dc's dad (long story) and at the moment get about £150 income support and tax credits, plus child benefit £30 a week-ish and my rent and council tax paid.

but i would imagine when i declare that dp has moved in i will lose everything apart from the child benefit. i just dont know how we are going to live and i can't really get a job at the moment as it would cost more in childcare than i would earn :(

has anyone else been in a similar situation at all and could advise whether we will be entitled to anything still. i am aware i will probably get flamed for being on benefits but these are just my circumstances and i can't help it. i dont want financial stress to ruin my lovely new relationship. any advice would be much appreciated x

OP posts:

AbiAbi · 02/01/2011 13:01

Www.entitledto.co.uk will give you a full breakdown of what you can claim.

compo · 02/01/2011 13:02

If you can get a job the tax credits you get often do make it worth it even when you take childcare into account. How old is your eldest as if they are 3 you'll get 15 hours a week free childcare sessions. Worth thinking about

hopefully someone will come along soon to advise

EricNorthpolesChristmas · 02/01/2011 13:06

You will keep child tax credits, a fair bit. You won't get working tax credits as your household income will be too high, however if you got a p/t job you would certainly get some childcare tax credits so it may actually be worth it. Depending on how many DCs you have and what area you live in you may be entitled to a little bit of housing benefit, unless you are council/HA in which case your rent will be too low.
You can go on the tax credit calculator and see roughly what you would be entitled to as a couple.

SenoraPostrophe · 02/01/2011 13:07

you will lose the income support, but you will be able to claim working families tax credits instead. you may also find his csa payments go down as he'll be responsible for 2 other children

ivykaty44 · 02/01/2011 13:10

Is it really worth trying to get your new P to sort out his baggage thus the debts etc with his ex before moving on? AS you are going to start together with all the baggage of these debts from the last relationship - which really isn't great. Are the debts goign to go on for the next two three or en years- this has an impact on yours and your dc's lives so it really is important to find out what is happening.

If you set up as a unit at the end of feb 2011 then you will be changing the outgoigns and incomes - you will still be entitled to tax credits for the dc.As you will be a unit with two dc then the CSA will change the amount your new P pays to his ex for his dc, the CSA will take into account your two and the % will go down that he pays - I can't remember the amount but my ex pays less as he has a dc living in the house that belogns to his girlfreind and I think it was 12% less due to this on his total net income.

you could get an evening job- thereby working a couple of evening and your wages will be tax and Ni free due to earning just a little, that moeny could pay for the shopping each week.

You need to sit down and talk to your new p about what is goign to happen and who is paying for what and how it will all work and what moeny will be left over etc anmd no point in hiding from it as two years down the line you don't want it to be a problem

crumbletastic · 02/01/2011 13:19

My partner earns a similar amount and I work 16 hours a week evenings and weekends (shop work) so dont need childcare. This earns me about £375 a month but also because I work 16 hours I now qualify for working tax credits and this is another £240 a month (just 1 child), could this be an option for you?

itsawonderfuldarleneconnorlife · 02/01/2011 13:27

With a £22k income and £500pcm rent/ctax he will have to pay it all.

If he's currently sharing then I think you will find that you will be financially worse off together because you are not making savings on running 2 homes.

His CSA payments might go down, if they take into account that he is now contributing to your DCs, I'm not sure though so check this.

Has he seen CAB/money adviser about his debts? He should be able to negotiate lower repayemnts to adjust to his proposed higher outgoings.

Could you work p/t when he isn't at work?

BellBookandCandle · 02/01/2011 15:31

Why not talk to your LP advisor - they can probably do a Better off Caluclation for you based on your partners income.

Surely love conquers all and i8f you lve him and he loves you, then pulling in your belts will be worth it

classydiva · 02/01/2011 15:43

Why not use the council tax calculator and online rent calculator at your local councils website.

You will be entitled to child tax credit based on your partners earnings.

You will still get child benefit and any maintenance you already get.

CSA payments will not change that he pays, as you are not taken into consideration.

He can get a Voluntary Order for his debt via the local court, he might be able to do that free, he would pay a set amount a month for five years after that time his debts would be settled, however it will affect any credit he applies for in the interim i.e he wont get it.

classydiva · 02/01/2011 15:44

To be honest you will both be better off not living toether you are going to lose all your benefits.

You can do an online calculation for child tax credits, that will amount to around £120 a week plus.

piratecatClaus · 02/01/2011 15:49

he will pay less to his ex, as when he lives with you and your dc's, you get first dibs on his earnings.

mamatomany · 02/01/2011 15:50

I would wait until the children are at school to move him in, as you say why put yourself under the stress and strain.
BUT I would also kick your ex's arse into paying for his children, if your new partner looks after his children through the CSA why should they and their mother miss out as a result of your new relationship when your ex gets away with it.

piratecatClaus · 02/01/2011 15:53

classy diva, my ex's wife's dc's get more money from his earnings and are higher up in the chain than my ex's own child who lives with me.

His wife's ex dh pays nothing tho. Its so crap.

This is all by the by though. Ex chooses not to work so noone gets a bean.!

piratecatClaus · 02/01/2011 15:54

it's just shit system. totally ridiculous.

karen2205 · 02/01/2011 16:21

Sounds like you're better off with two separate homes - can he move closer to you (so he can easily come and do childcare if you're doing some work in the evenings/weekends) or closer to work (to reduce transport costs).

HappyMummyOfOne · 02/01/2011 16:27

Your children must be old enough for you to return to work if they are not your DP's and you've been with him for almost a year.

He would be paying rent and council tax on his own place so no different paying at his or yours. You'll still get some child tax credits and child benefit.

Running two households will be cheaper than one as well as only one set of bills.

TBH, the relationship cannot be that good if you are thinking of benefit money over the relationship.

piratecat · 02/01/2011 16:32

wtf, what do you mean the relationship can't be that good? how judgy are you.

Sometimes it is extremely hard to work out the finances when you start living together, ESP when there are children, childcare etc to work out.

NorwegianMoon · 02/01/2011 16:33

i dont agree that your relationship cant be good if you are thinking money over relationship. You are being very sensible, if there is nothing left over you cannot live off air.

You are going to be much worse off living together. Stay living apart until hes sorted out the debt and your children are older so its easier to work.

Its very sad its more cost effective that your family has to live apart.

Good luck

curlymama · 02/01/2011 16:34

If it turns out that his other children would get less because of yours, I think it would be morally wrong for you to move in with him. And if he was willing to provide less for his children because he wanted to be with his new girlfriend, my opinion of him would go way downhill.

I think you need to check these things out properly and find out the facts before you commit to this descision to moving in together.

piratecat · 02/01/2011 16:45

the csa makes the rules about who gets what, doesn't mean he has to do what they tell him.

He can still top up the maintenance for his dc's.

Emjxxx · 02/01/2011 17:09

I'm was in a similar situation and unfortunately we have found that we are quite a bit worse off now we are living together. I was actually £3000 per year better off as a single working parent (1 adult, 2 children and childcare costs) than we are now as a family of 5 (2 adults and 3 children 1 adult working FT with no childcare)

We are struggling but we manage and we would much rather be together than apart but we do find it very unfair.

Good luck to you what ever you decide.

Gemsy83 · 02/01/2011 17:12

Many couples who have kids together suffer just as much and live on as little. Thems the breaks.

Niceguy2 · 02/01/2011 17:15

TBH, the relationship cannot be that good if you are thinking of benefit money over the relationship.

expatinscotland · 02/01/2011 17:20

You'll also be moved onto JSA once your youngest is 5, anyhow. And subject to housing benefit caps as they apply in your area in April of next year no matter what.

So that's something else to consider.

oldraver · 02/01/2011 17:31

I think you need to either look on Entitled To or your Lone Parent Advisor at the Job Centre

You WILL be worse off

You WILL have to pay £88week of your rent, plus you will loose your Council Tax Single Person Discount

You will loose an amount of CTC, Entitled To says you will get £70.65. yOUR dp will get a reduction in CSA, but morally I dont agree with this

Its all the price you pay of being a family, sometimes you are worsr of than on benefits. Of course you could make it up by working yourself

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