Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be worried about how it will affect us financially when DP moves in?

52 replies

worriedsinglemum · 02/01/2011 12:59

am a regular, have namechanged.

got 2 pre school age DC and have been with DP nearly a year. he is not DC dad. we live apart but have got quite quite serious now and have talked about marriage. at christmas we have decided that he is going to move in here with me at the end of february when his tenancy agreement ends.

i am really worried about what to expect financially as i am on full benefits at the moment.

he works and earns about 22k. but we are worried as he will have to pay all the rent and council tax at my place, which will be about £500. he also has to pay CSA of £250 a month to his ex who he has dc with and has debts with his ex (credit cards) which the repayments are about £200 at the moment. then we have got to consider food, gas, electric and his diesal to work which is about £150 as he works 30 miles away. so all of that will probably come to more than he earns :( he is in a flatshare atm so doesnt pay much rent, bills etc.

i get nothing off my dc's dad (long story) and at the moment get about £150 income support and tax credits, plus child benefit £30 a week-ish and my rent and council tax paid.

but i would imagine when i declare that dp has moved in i will lose everything apart from the child benefit. i just dont know how we are going to live and i can't really get a job at the moment as it would cost more in childcare than i would earn :(

has anyone else been in a similar situation at all and could advise whether we will be entitled to anything still. i am aware i will probably get flamed for being on benefits but these are just my circumstances and i can't help it. i dont want financial stress to ruin my lovely new relationship. any advice would be much appreciated x

OP posts:
northernrock · 02/01/2011 17:32

You should probably look into getting a job, and also into what yr tax credits would be.

You might get some help with childcare costs.
It might also be an idea to think about working p/t in the evenings if you can, since you wont have to pay for childcare then.

I think you would be entitled to some working tax credit, and definitly child tax credit.

I have a friend who works full time, his partner does not, they have one child, and they get a little housing benefit too.

I am pretty sure he earns more than 22k.

Make sure you go and see the lone parent adviser at the job centre-they have a programme that works out every little thing for you. Then you can decide with all the facts.

blueshoes · 02/01/2011 18:21

The system is obviously broken if it pays more for OP (and other lone parents) to be apart from her partner than together.

ZhuZhuhell · 02/01/2011 18:42

i was in exactly the same position as you.we get child tax credit, council tax credit and housing benefit.(we live in H/A our rent is £660)our housing benefit comes to half our rent.it was very stressful when we first moved in together cause of finances as we didnt know we were entitled to anything but once we found out we were it got better.good luck.hope things work out for you.

northernrock · 02/01/2011 18:43

If by "the system " you mean wages are really pitifully low in this country, then I couldn't agree more.

blueshoes · 02/01/2011 18:51

Not all wages are pitifully low. They might start low but increase with experience. We also all have access to education. The OP should go back to work once her dcs are school age, if she is finding money tight.

detachandtrustyourself · 02/01/2011 20:27

Even with education and experience, wages are low, even lower than 22,000. OP do you think your dp will understand what money is needed as a family? Do you feel anxious that you will be dependent on him? Have you sat down and worked out expenditure together?

darleneconnor · 03/01/2011 03:30

wages dont always increase with experience- we dont know if op's dp is at the top of his earning potential

happymummy- but he isn't running a hoousehold atm, he is flatsharing therefore his outgoings will hardly change

op- what kind of contribution is he intending to make to your dcs?

blueshoes · 03/01/2011 10:28

darlene: "wages dont always increase with experience- we dont know if op's dp is at the top of his earning potential'

I am referring to the OP. She should return to the job market and I assume she won't be going in at a senior level.

TheBlessedVirginReality · 03/01/2011 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBlessedVirginReality · 03/01/2011 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

northernrock · 03/01/2011 15:10

The fact is that a lot of families of five can't live on only one wage.
The solution, after really properly researching tax credits and all, is probably for op to get a p/t job.

Original poster
worriedsinglemum · 03/01/2011 18:39

thanks for all the posts back, sorry i haven't been back until now.

hmmm, it all sounds pretty bleak. haven't dared go on that calculator thing yet as i'm actually scared :( but i am going to once i have posted this.

re his maintenance for his DC he will pay the same as neither of us think it would be fair for his dc to get less just because he has moved in with me.

i would only get a minimum wage job anyway, i have no worthwhile qualifications and havent worked for over 4 years. god knows who would employ me anyway, i wouldn't employ me lol.

i live in a council house so won't get HB as my rent is not high enough.

dp is at the top of his wage bracket, its unlikely he can earn any more. but on the plus side he has worked out he will clear his debt in a year or two.

he says he will pay for all the rent and council tax at my place but i wouldn't expect him to pay for all the food and utilities as well by himself as that just isn't fair and he just would not have enough money left to do that anyway.

OP posts:
northernrock · 03/01/2011 18:48

Hi worried. I lnow how you feel r.e the being scared to find out, but honestly, you need all the facts.
Please make an appointment with the LP adviser as s/he will be able to break it down for you. I went on the tax credit calculator once and came up with a totally different amount to the one I was actually entitled to.

R.e the job situation, times are tough at the moment, and you may feel like you are not qualifies to do anything.
In a climate like this, and in your situation, I would have a good think about what it is you do eventually want to do, and then find a way to train for it.

Many courses offer bursaries(free money!) to help with costs, there are grants to be had if applied for, and if you are unemployed adult education is very very cheap.

Even if it takes a while to build up the qualifications, you would be doing something positive for your future, and being skint would actually be easier to live with . (I know, I am a LP and recently changed my career)
Smile

expatinscotland · 03/01/2011 18:49

Now is a very good time to think about what you want to do for a job because even if you remain an LP, you'll need to go on JSA soon enough and I have a feeling there will soon be some strict limits as to how long you can stay on benefits, even if you are a LP.

chasingstars · 03/01/2011 19:01

I am in a similar position to the OP and I've made the decision not to let DP move in with us because of the financial implications. We are still committed to each other and he's moved to the local area, which suits us better anyway as we'd be under each others' feet in my 2 bed flat. I value our relationship but also the relationship I have with my children, which would be put under pressure with too many people under one roof and additional money worries.

I have an older child but I'm still entitled to Income Support as I'm a Carer, so I'm glad I won't be forced on to JSA. Even lone parents who go on JSA won't be required to seek work in the same way as other JSA claimants, as they'll be able to limit their search to work which fits around school.

I would recommend going to an independent advisor at the CAB or similar, rather than a LP advisor at the Jobcentre - they obviously have targets to fulfil and are likely to be biased.

GetOrfMoiLand · 03/01/2011 19:03

I agree with those who say that you should really look into getting a job as much as you can, and see what childcare help you can get etc.

Even if you don't start work for a year, look into training and at leats research jobs you will be able to do, what work there is in your area and the like.

Bonsoir · 03/01/2011 19:16

£22,000 is not enough money to support a family of four and DC from a previous relationship, let alone service debts.

You should stay living separately.

northernrock · 03/01/2011 19:37

The thing with the LP adviser though, is that they have a programme where they put in the amounts and it automatically works out everything for you inc. HB, council tax benefit.

Any LP on full benefits is required to have an appointment with the LP adviser every six months anyway, so you may as well make use of them.
Not sure if the CAB would be able to do such an accurate calculation, but it would be worth doing both.

darleneconnor · 04/01/2011 00:08

most cabs will have a benefits calculator program on their pc

lp advisers are biased, they exist to get you off benefits and into work

only take the advice of impartial sources of info like cab

superv1xen · 04/01/2011 11:36

bonsoir thats ridiculous, how can you say that, lots of families manage on that and less!

i don't work and DP is only on slightly more than the OP's dh. its tough but you manage don't you.

Original poster
worriedsinglemum · 05/01/2011 11:31

ok now i am REALLY REALLY confused :(

have done 3 calculations on 3 different benefits calculators. (entitledto, directgov, and hmrc tax credits calculator) and have got 3 wildly different amounts for how much we would get in tax credits Confused

we won't get any help with rent and council tax (which i suspected anyway) but this is what they came up with:

entitled to - £65 a week

direct gov - £190 a week Hmm

hmrc - £20 a WEEK

i put in exactly the same info and double checked everything to make sure it was right, so why the hell has it come up with such vastly different figures? :(

OP posts:
NorwegianMoon · 05/01/2011 11:45

can i just ask those who are together but living apart what do u do about sleeping over with rules on hb? do you ever have them stay more than they should?

Original poster
worriedsinglemum · 05/01/2011 12:01

i don't know what the rules are to be honest.

mine doesn't stay over in the week, he sometimes does at weekends when i havent got the DC or i stay at his.

OP posts:
northernrock · 05/01/2011 17:43

Worried, this is why I say go and see someone-a professional about this. Those calculators are bonkers-same happened to me!

Original poster
worriedsinglemum · 06/01/2011 09:22

its ridiculous isn't it! why are they so crap Angry seems to me they don't WANT you to know what you will get, or be prepared in any way.

i went on the hmrc one again and got yet another different amount.

i would go and see my lone parent adviser but agree with other posters that say they have targets to meet re getting people off benefits so they may be biased and make it look better than it is. Hmm

perhaps i should try and see someone at the CAB. but then wouldn't they just have the same calculators as i have been using anyway, cant see them having a different one.

aaaarrghhh its a minefield. i am not sleeping at night due to worrying and this should be a happy time :(

OP posts: