AIBU to think that my hubby should get up out of his bed

[ChablisLover]

Hubby thinks it is his right to have a lie-in at weekends, holidays etc.

If I try to get him up earlier we have unholy arguments.

He then complains about everything from the state of the house to his dinner being cold to me putting on weight! And that was just yesterday!

He says the house is a mess - is v hard to tidy up with DS in toe - i find it v stressful as he basically comes behind and messes it up again. Also, would love to tidy up my bedroom but it is difficult with someone lying in "state" until after 10!

He then expects me to spend mummy & daddy time together but when I fall asleep on sofa and decline this lovely offer he gets annoyed. I am the one who is up at half six everyday with DS and the one who does all the work in the house whereas he sleeps to after ten and then isn't tired when I am shattered.

I think I am becoming just a tad resentful but would really like some help and advice as to how to deal with this in a softly softly catchee monkey style as i don't want more arguments.

Submissive? Meek? I am neither of these things. Yet i struggled with this kind of behaviour in my marriage for 8 years. Tell me those who think this is what the problem is, what do you do with a man who responds to nothing? Reasoning, tears ultimatums? Just answers them with defiance and selfishness. Leave him? Fair enough but it is not always that easy and then of course you might actually love that person and hope that he might love you enough not to treat you like an old dish rag. Some men just WILL NOT change because it is so deeply entrenched in them to be like that. If these women dealing with a man like that were "meek" or "submissive" they wouldnt even be questioning his behaviour. It is absolute rubbish to say that and just another way to blame the woman for her predicament.

'He tells me he would get the house if I leave as he has paid all the bills. And if I leave with da he would stop me from seeing him when the courts give him custody. Plus he thinks I need mental health help! Spent the morning cleaning his precious house so it is spotless and created many bags of rubbish! Unfortunately he's not in one of them!'

Classic abusive BULLSHIT. You are married.

I had an abusive ex who used to always tell me I was mad, insane, needed mental help. It's a way to control you.

Agree with expat, he is trying to control you by making you question your behaviour and your own thought processes.

He is projecting all of the blame onto you so that he has to take no responsibility himself.

This is domestic abuse, and you would not lose the children or the house and he knows that. He is trying to frighten you into doing what he wants as he knows that in reality you could wipe the floor with him.

As with all bullies, he knows he is weaker than you and is trying to use fear to prevent you from finding that out.

See a solicitor asap, or speak to Womens Aid or CAB. You need get your DC away from this as soon as you can. I am sure you dont want them to see that it is ok to treat someone like this. Children who witness this behaviour can either become abusers themselves or victims of abuse because they see it as normal. Please help yourself and them.

Take care

Oh yeah - I was also going mad according to my ex. Of course he was not the one to need help. Funny but the symptoms of his mental health issues (alcoholism) killed him, while I am doing (relatively) fine.

I agree with all the others who have said this is domestic abuse, and Women's Aid could help you with getting him out of the house.

The mummy and daddy time makes me puke.

He means he wants to shag you. It is a new year, make a new start.

mummy & daddy time is my term - seemed weird to say sex on internet forum.

Never thought of it as domestic abuse - more of a stubborn husband who can't see that I am actually right and never learned the lesson that I am always right.

Still here - mum tells me that it is my house and if she sees me at her house she will send me pack to stand up for what is my right.

You need to see a solicitor, Women's Aid or CAB, Chablis. You have rights as you are married. Big time.

A person who calls you a viscious bitch, shouts so much he wakes up your child and threatens you by saying he'll get the house and child is an abuser, not just stubborn.