is this doctor weird or am i over sensitive?

[DevonDumplin]

Had my first appointment with a new consultant gynaecologist yesterday and still feeling tearful and like my skin is crawling.

Basically, for health reasons I've not had sex for a few months (which isn't unusual and myself and my very lovely understanding DP manage this pretty well interms of maintaining a close relationship), but when this came up in appointment Dr starts going on about how if I don't ''take his energy'' (i clarified - he means have sex) my DP's going to leave me and I should be making more of an effort to ''pretent there is no pain and you are enjoying it and this will make him happy'' !!!

Then told me during an internal exam that he wants to make me feel glamorous and confident again!!! OMFG I know I'm not looking my best right now but worst timing ever!!! I normally grit my teeth until these things are over but this time I cried so much he started me on anti-depressents, which my GP threw in the bin and replaced with an epic bar of chocolate (bless him)! TBH i felt ridiculous because physically it was no different from any other.

This is the first male gynae (of many) i've seen, and i genuinely think there was no real malice and he was trying to put me at ease but just doesn't have a clue about how to talk to women.

Usually i'd ask to see someone else but he can do an operation in the next month that i waited two years for with my last hospital. And i really need ASAP.

AIBU to think this guy is a total creep or is this just how male gynaes try to talk to us and I should stop putting it off and lay back and think of England?

Ps. My DP thinks that Dr ''isn't getting any'' and wants to thump him.

Devon I am also concerned about what you say about wanting a family in the future. don't want to upset you but has someone taken the time to properly explain the effects of endometrial ablation on fertility to you?

I am so sorry that you're suffering like this at all, and that you've had this experience. I don't think he sounds appropriate at all and I would definitely think you had a case for following it up.

What is the actual condition you suffer from Devon? The operation shrivels/destroys your uterine lining - in something like (from memory) 40% never have a period again (ie you wouldn't conceive) about 40 have vastly improved periods and much lighter and the other 20 have no real improvement. But deffo deffo told no babies after. I've done some googling and I think you REALLY need to rethink - unless its a milder version of the proceedure you are having??

PLEASE do some more investigations

Devon - I agree with a few of the others, have you had ablation explained properly to you, please don't do it until they do?

I'm 41, have a 3 year old and have suffered with terrible periods for years, I was offered ablation by two different gynae's and they told me I couldn't have any more children after that. I wasn't completely sure if I had finished my family so said no.

Please please go to a different gynae and get a second opinion, the gynae you went see sounds awful and please report him.

PS I've had the Mirena coil fitted now and its solved everything, brilliant thing!

Yes def research your condition + the op first.
Unless you are v desperate for the op i would wait to see another gynae dr. Then go to PALS + GMC to complain - see your GP for advice.
Even if the gynae dr is a good surgeon he needs educating in what is appropriate + sensitive behaviour - the comments on your sex life were totally sexist and unprofessional IMO.

The HCA should have spoken up also - she could have taken him aside and had a word.
In my job we have to catheterise men and women, give supps and enemas, do full bed baths etc. All very personal care - so you learn straight away how to maintain dignity and respect. As nurses we violate the code of conduct if not.
Your gynae Dr has had years to learn appropriate communication skills with female patients and will also have a code of conduct to follow. I feel very angry for you! He needs a (very unprofessional) good slap in the face!

Hi Devon, I can't remember his name- he was an older guy and I found him very creepy. I had a female nurse in the room too and she was no help at all. I remember dark grey hair and maybe glasses- perhaps if you hinted at his name it might jog my memory?

Oh dear, maybe i've misunderstood. This was definetly something he suggested though, but absoloutly not going through with it with the stats i've found.

QODrestyemerrykidneystones - i have very large thick endometriosis, on outside of womb, ovaries, bowel, pelvis and abdominal wall, my womb is tilted the wrong way (can't remember what this is called) but my ovaries aren't and everythings pulling in opposite directions apparently, and my lining is 3 times as thick as it should be and bleeds for 7 weeks of 8. Combination of the above have already caused two early miscarriages.
This is what i remember from my old doctor.

I was also having at the same time laproscopy and burning off of the larger endometriosis bits. Was definatly supposed to be having something to thin the lining in the womb though, not sure what that would be otherwise, anyone know?

Anyway, spoke to PALS and they've said they'll take it from here. Thank again everyone for your advice.

Oh sounds horrible, I know a few people who have had the endotmetriosis bits external to the womb lasered, and hormone tment to stop periods totally for a while to whither it all. They have kids now! The tilted womb bit it common apparently (mine is) - I would soooooooooooo totally go for 2nd opinion or just scrap that bloke all together!

good luck

Report him. He sounds a nasty creep. Hate doctors like this.

Oh Devon, I'm sorry you're suffering.

What QOD said is right - the tilted womb bit is surprisingly common. My understanding is that they can use lasers to burn off bits of the endometrium without resorting to such drastic measures - but I second what she says, I think you need to get a second opinion and have a long talk with someone as to what all the options are.

Best of luck. Glad PALS are being useful.

Hi Devon,

Sorry you're going through this. (Yes, report him, btw).

I would definitley go for a second opinion. If your endometriosis is extensive, especially if there may be extensive bowel involvement (have you been properly assessed for this, by a specialist?) is extremely complex to deal with surgically. It takes someone very experienced in it to do a good job. Laser treatment is no longer the treatment of choice - surgical excision is now the gold standard. If he's not offering you this, and you are or may be a complex case, that's big cause for concern. Some gynaecologists who are not specialists are very over-confident about treating endometriosis, and that can lead to problems.

The British Society for Gynaecological ENdoscopy is now running an accreditation scheme for centres offering surgical treatment of advanced endometriosis. The list of accredited centres is here. If I were you, I'd push to be referred to one of these if at all possible. The right to choose the centre where you are treated is enshrined in the NHS constitution, so if you are being offered treatment, you have the right to opt to go elsewhere. You will have a slightly longer wait, though (I agree with whoever said it's worrying if this guy is able to operate on you straight away).

Hope that helps.

Devon, so sorry you had such a distressing experience. Def report him.

Fwiw I have a tilted womb and only found out late in my second pregancy when a sonographer mentioned it in passing. It doesn't seem to matter much. Just wanted to put your mind at rest on that one small thing - lots of luck with the rest.