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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to go to the pantomime tomorrow?

38 replies

Beth24 · 30/12/2010 23:19

I am not sure what to do- I am bleeding very heavily at the moment - unfortunately this is normal for me - am having a hysterectomy in a couple of months time as it is making me very ill losing so much - keep having to go in for transfusions - am explaining this to show that I have coped with this for a long while now so am pretty good with using tampons and pads together, dark clothing, spare clothes in bags etc. It has gradually got worse and worse to the extent now that I usually have to stay in the house for my 3 worse days - can't even do the 25min journey to work without a full change of clothing as soon as get there. Anyway I booked the pantomime for tomorrow a year ago - didn't know then state I would be in now. I told DH today I didn't know if I could go tomorrow, that he may have to take DC on his own - he is upset as it is meant to be a family event which we do every year - but I said I do not think it fair for me to be in and out of show every 15-20 minutes to dash to toilet and change (am really not exaggerating there - sometimes it is worse and I just end up staying in there for a while) as it will piss of the people around us - he said as we are have aisle seats it will not matter. DC are 3 and 6 so want me to be there and are used to me being like this - they have had to be - when we are out on our own they have often had to come in to loos with me whilst I clean up and change so they will not be phased by it but I just don't think I can cope if I get moaned at by someone else sat behind or something who I disturb by being in and out. So am I being unreasonable by going?

OP posts:

MrsSchadenfreude · 30/12/2010 23:24

Oh no you're not! (sorry - couldn't resist.)

Is there some kind of "superpad" you could use, or even a nappy, maybe?

bumpybecky · 30/12/2010 23:27

that sounds horrendous :(

a friend had very heavy bleeding with her first period post-partum. She went to A&E and they gave her some drugs to clam it right down. Have you asked about something similar?

A1980 · 30/12/2010 23:28

YANBU in wanting to go with your family. Pantos are pretty loud anyway and I'm sur children will be up and down like yoyo's going to the loo etc. As you're on the aisle it shouldn't annoy people too much as you aren't having to make people get out of the way.

However I think you have to worry more abotu your own comfort. can you handle it? Bear in mind you may have to wait a while for a loo to be available, there are often queue's at theatres to go to the loo. Even when it isn't an interval there are likely to be people already in there if there are lots of children in the appointment.

If you can't even manage a journey to work without a full change of clothing, you're likely to be very uncomfortable throughout the performance. I honestly don't know how you cope with it. That must be so awful for you.

Have you thought of trying adult incontinence pads for it? I'm not trying to be crass but they might just reduce the risk of you being embarrassed in public until you get it sorted.

A1980 · 30/12/2010 23:29

I have no clue why I said appointment in my last post: I meant performance!

AgentZigzagGotAGoodGoosing · 30/12/2010 23:30

Because pantomimes are for families, there are going to be loads of people getting up and down all the way through.

It's not like you're going to be sitting through a classical concert aimed at adults.

If you feel OK about it, you should go just because why should what you're going through spoil the great time you're going to have with your family

UnderTheRadar2212 · 30/12/2010 23:31

If you can't go, your DH can take the kids.

You're his wife, he knows what state you're in at the minute, sod being 'upset' that it's meant to be a family outing, he can take them if you feel you can't go & would rather be at home next to the bog.

MotherJack · 30/12/2010 23:36

You'll be fine Beth. As someone said earlier, it's a family thing with people getting up and down all the time (in any case, stuff 'em ;-) I have menorrhagia so I know where you are coming from. I take it you are already using things such as the extra-super tampons (liletts only I think) and a huge towel??

KurriKurri · 30/12/2010 23:37

Beth - I'm really sorry to hear about your problem, I went through a very similar thing several years ago, and I can tell you your life will be so much improved once you have your hysterectomy.

I actually did use disposable nappies, awful as it sounds, but you some how have to cope.

If you have an aisle seat, you won't disturb others all that much (and to be honest, pantos are full of small children in the audience so a certain amount of disturbance is par for the course)

The main thing is that you feel comfortable, so if you'd like to go and feel you can mange the situation do, but if you are worried, don't be pressured into going.

canyou · 30/12/2010 23:40

I agree with the others that as it is a child friendly show and you have aisle seats that you coming and going will not disturb people.
Can you rope some one else in an aunt/ teenage cousin/grandparent if you cannot go?
I am glad you are getting treatment soon [drastic as it is] one thing I used to do was wear super absorbent nappies [aldi ones work well] with tampons and pads it gave me an extra 20/30min meaning I was only running to the loo evey hr.
As a 33 yr old woman I am to say I can't wait until they agree I should have a hysterectomy as I saw the immediate freedom it gave my Mum and Aunts, Good luck with it all

MotherJack · 30/12/2010 23:45

I'm gutted I never thought of nappies before now. What a tit I am!!!

earwicga · 30/12/2010 23:50

Lordy, poor you. Your husband is an arse to expect you to be going. Ask one of your children's friends to take your place to use up the ticket.

Original poster

Beth24 · 31/12/2010 00:01

Thank you for replying! It is an absolute pain, the problem is because it gradually gets worse over the years I have just coped and coped until two months ago when I went to see a private gynae who said I was on 99th centile for blood loss and too far gone for any other form of treatment (fibroids - uterus size of 24 week pregnancy). My GP had been sorting out my low iron issues and had referred me to nhs gynae but he had sent me away with a period chart to fill in and did not even physically examine me . DH is very supportive - he has had to help me clean bed, bathroom floor, and wash mats etc when I've been exhausted after being up every half an hour or so during the night - so he knows how bad it is and is furious that I have to go through this - when I say he is upset I mean sad but he will take dc on his own if I decide I can't do it.

Have tried tranxamic acid (spelling?) and all the other varieties - they don't work for me - I guess it is because problem is large surface area and volume means lots there to come out so too much for it to stop. Have also tried hormone type tablets - again no joy - just make me bleed continuously .

It is really getting me down now to be honest - I just want it all gone, I keep getting pretty low about it - and am so run down - hence giving in waiting and going for private appoint - my Dad paid - am looking forward to how much thinner I will be after it is taken out!

OP posts:

ledkrsbellyislikesantas · 31/12/2010 00:02

you can get something off gp.i think its called something like transcemic acid.I am guessing you may have tried this tho.Hope you get your op soon.

flippinggorgeous · 31/12/2010 00:04

My friend used to buy nappies and cut them down to cope with her excessive bleeding. Made a big difference as normal towels just weren't enough.

Original poster

Beth24 · 31/12/2010 00:05

I hadn't thought of nappies either - that may be the way to do it - erm - will I rustle though? :-)

OP posts:

bumpybecky · 31/12/2010 00:09

it'll be so loud there I'm sure no one will hear any rustling even if there is any. You could carry a carrier bag with you to act as a decoy :)

TriggersBroom · 31/12/2010 00:10

You poor poor thing. Really that your GP didn't sort you out. I've had this to a much lesser extent although tranexamic acid has really helped. good luck with whatever you decide to do and hope your op goes well.

FudgeGirl · 31/12/2010 00:14

I've heard (and I'm not saying I agreed with it when I first read about it) of women wearing two tampons at a time for severe bloodloss.

Obviously the risk of TSS has been drummed into us from a young age, but if you're changing them very regularly (like hourly) I can now see that this may be helpful to certain women.

Sounds awful, I can't begin to imagine how dreadful it is just cleaning yourself up and being so exhausted by it must be.

Original poster

Beth24 · 31/12/2010 00:15

Am terrified of operation but really really cannot cope like this anymore. Those of u that have had it do you feel happier in yourself? - I know the blood loss problem is gone - but I feel so low and tired all the time as well and get weepy when I am bleeding like this as I just don't know how to practically manage it, aside from all the painkillers I have to take to cope with the cramps, and carry on with dc and trying to work, I will feel better won't I afterwards?

OP posts:

MotherJack · 31/12/2010 00:16

I have had a brainwave - I used to use kids nappies on my dog when he bled, taped to a neoprene waistband thing. Bit random I know, but you could do a similar thing and gaffer tape one to your knickers and take spares with nappies gaffer taped on just in case? Rustling only happens with movement and the gaffer tape would stop that.

twirlymum · 31/12/2010 00:17

Mefenamic acid is the other one. I take both, they do help a bit. I understand what you mean though, they've offered me an endemetrial ablation which I'm considering.

MotherJack · 31/12/2010 00:19

I hope you do Beth. You must be exhausted.

Fudge - I think Beth is worse than me and I sometimes need to change tampons 2 minutes after putting them in. Not sure 2 would work... in fact might "open" things up a bit to let the blood flow :-S

Original poster

Beth24 · 31/12/2010 00:20

I could just keep taking younger dc out with me - pretend she is toilet training - however she'd probably get fed up with that and missing the show and announce loudly that she didn't need the toilet which may blow my cover a bit!!

Thank you all for your replies!

OP posts:

earwicga · 31/12/2010 00:20

Thank you twirlymum from going up to the bathroom cupboard and digging out my mefenamic acid to remember the name. It's good stuff!

earwicga · 31/12/2010 00:21

should have typed 'from saving me from going...'

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