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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think you can't have as much fun without alcohol?

127 replies

AgentZigzagGotAGoodGoosing · 29/12/2010 21:11

I don't mean drinking alcohol all the time, or getting ratarsed/falling down drunk.

And I don't mean in every situation, obviously I have great times without drinking.

But I think it's good for you to let your hair down every once in a while, perhaps with other people who are also drinking, it relaxes your tongue and great hilarity can ensue.

I know a couple of people who don't like the lack of control alcohol brings with it, not for religious/medical/negative experiences with alcohol reasons, and IMO this anal clenching control is evident in other areas of their lives and I think they miss out.

OP posts:
AgentZigzagGotAGoodGoosing · 30/12/2010 00:24

But to be on the same level with a room full of people who have been drinking kaloki, you do need to have had a certain amount of the same.

Tripping over isn't hilariously funny, but if you've had a drink it is, you're not going to find it that funny if you're sober, you're just going to sit there looking straight faced and 'boring'/bored.

OP posts:
AgentZigzagGotAGoodGoosing · 30/12/2010 00:26

You can join in the conversation kaloki, but not in the same way as when you're a bit tiddly, obviously because you're sober.

Think of what an office would be like if everyone had had a couple of pints at lunchtime, it's not going to be the same atmosphere or conversations going on than if nobody had been drinking.

OP posts:
KalokiMallow · 30/12/2010 00:35

I don't agree, it's not like being sober means you can only discuss stock markets or boring stuff.

Surely it's all about if you are relaxed or not? If you are relaxed then you can join in and have fun, if you aren't then you can't. Some people need alcohol to relax, some don't. Some get less relaxed with alcohol.

I've met enough people who can drink and still be the ones sat sourfaced and grumpy in a corner - bearing in mind it's a depressive, it's not too unusual.

SarahStrattonsBaubles · 30/12/2010 00:42

I don't drink. I might have half a glass of wine twice a year but that really is it for me. I don't need it to have fun, I'd be downright dangerous drunk tbh.

Morloth · 30/12/2010 02:33

I don't like being drunk. I enjoy a drink but I got really drunk once when I was a teenager and decided to never do it again. Once I get to 'tipsy' I switch to just water or make sure I have a huge glass of water in between drinks. I also make sure I drink water when I am thirsty as opposed to pouring wine down my neck for thirst and therefore 'wasting' it.

It can be irritating when you are out for people to bang on about how you are not drinking (or not drinking enough) why do people do this? It is a very British thing to do IMO, I can't remember it happening to me here and hasn't happened at all since I got back and it is the silly season.

I noticed when in the UK there is a bloody mindedness to drinking that so many other cultures just don't seem to have. You have to drink or you are not fun and dull and you have to drink as much as possible in order to make it worth it, very strange.

NotEnoughTime · 30/12/2010 09:51

I gave up drinking alcohol 8 weeks ago (for various reasons). Maybe not the best idea in the festive run up but there never is a good time to give up!

Anyway, I have had a few nights out since not drinking alcohol and to be be honest they have been a bit awkward with people "going on" at me as to why I wasnt drinking. To be fair Im normally a "big" drinker so I suppose it was a shock to some people when they realised I wasnt drinking that night. It really got on my nerves after a couple of hours feeling that I had to justify why I WASNT drinking (to my knowledge) nobody was asked to justify why the WERE drinking.

I cant say I will never drink again but from what I have observed (or maybe its just the circles I move in Grin) it is more socially acceptable to drink than not to which I think needs looking at.

sarah293 · 30/12/2010 10:02

This reply has been deleted

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SylvanianFamily · 30/12/2010 10:09

I think people that need to drink to have a good time are repressed and full of self-hatred, and need alchohol to give them at least a short break for the jail that they have built for themselves in their own mind.

i am more chatty and jolly on a night out mainly because I have the time to really get in the swing of things. My 'tongue' is equally loose with and without alchohol. IME alchohol is as likely to bring tears and fights to an evening, as it is to bring jollification and bonding. In particular, I really notice that if I've drunk heavily the night before, I'll often have a depression- type 'hangover' for the next day or two.

More fun? Meh. Only if you were particularly dull before.

GrimmaTheNome · 30/12/2010 10:23

I've never felt any pressure either to drink or to abstain. Maybe if you're sufficiently lacking in self-confidence to be swayed by peer pressure, you are more likely to need a disinhibitor to feel like you're having a good time.

Whether a bunch of drunk people are very amusing or boring/annoying rests largely with whether they would be amusing or boring when sober. If you are yourself sober in company with the former, its great - the latter isn't.

southeastastra · 30/12/2010 10:28

blimey sylvanian that's a bit harsh Grin

Unrulysanta · 30/12/2010 10:48

I think it's quite a British idea that alcohol is a 'magic' substance which disinhibits, makes you more interesting/funny/sexy and generally adds the spice to life. I think there's some evidence that this is a psychological trick - if people think they're drinking they behave in the same way as they do when they really are.

Interesting that so many people think drinking = fun fun fun though. It's people like us, the Germans and the Russians who drink and maybe countries we associate with having a good time: Brazillians, people from the Caribbean etc don't really drink as much?

cunexttuesonline · 30/12/2010 10:52

Well, for me, I like a bit of escapism from reality from time to time. That's not to say I am unhappy, but I just enjoy altering the chemicals in my brain because it's good fun.

What I was getting at when i said that drunk people and sober people don't mix is that it's just more fun if everyone is in the same state of mind. For example, people on drugs are boring to drunk people.

NineNieciesDancing · 30/12/2010 11:09

I can have a good time without drink to the point that some people don't believe I haven't had one. Xmas Blush

I don't drink because I can't bear the taste. Never managed to drink enough to get drunk either.

Very drunk people are very very dull though so I don't feel like I am missing out at all especially not on all the moaning about how terrible their hangovers are.

I have one group of friends who can't go out without 'a little drinkie' and they are a lot less fun than the group of friends who drink in moderation because they are just focussed on how much they have drunk and what a great time they are having as a result and not on whatever we are doing.

RockinRobinBird · 30/12/2010 11:19

I don't drink because I also can't bear the taste. And as I have never really drunk alcohol I am always the driver. People are more shocked that I don't like wine than the fact that I don't drink. That's when they make me feel like I'm not a real grown up because I would rather drink a lemonade that tastes nice than a glass of vinegar.

NineNieciesDancing · 30/12/2010 11:26

RockinRobin - I am the same - I do feel I miss out on being a grown up but not often. If I am with a bunch of rat arsed people I feel I am the only grown up! It would be nice to have a glass of wine with a meal though.

Your comment about vinegar reminded me of being on my honeymoon when DH and I went to a restaurant and DH ordered wine - not a whole bottle as he would be the only one drinking it. This little jug appeared on the table without the waiter saying anything. I had a sniff and said it must be vinegar as it would have gone with the meal. After wondering for 20 mins where his wine was, DH finally had a sniff and a little taste of this jug and he realised it was actually the wine. Xmas Blush

I clearly don't have the palette or the nose for it!

NorwegianMoon · 30/12/2010 11:28

Why does it have to be a problem if you drink, if you enjoy it why not?

cumbria81 · 30/12/2010 11:34

I don't drink generally, mainly because I don't like feeling shit the next day and I am not that bothered being the only sober one.

However I have had some good nights out when drunk and think that alcohol has its place and it's not necessarily a bad thing to enjoy it

SylvanianFamily · 30/12/2010 11:39

My DH doesn't drink ( though I do, heavily if the mind takes me, though not 'to have a good time' but to sedate my inner demons and dabble with slow suicide, which is honestly what I think alcohol is for).

I get sooooo fed up on DHs behalf with the questioning he gets from otherwise very courteous people. Basically they rule out 'designated driver', 'medical reason' and 'mormon', then purse their lips and don't say anything further, but let it be seen that they have concluded that DH must be a recovering alcoholic. FFS.

lovelyopaque · 30/12/2010 12:03

Sometimes people who do not drink can be sanctimonious (I'm thinking of the one committed teetotaller I know here). He is very down on people who drink at all. Given that most people we know drink very responsibly, and not to excess, this is annoying. Just as annoying are those drinkers who cannot accept a person not having a drink. Most people are just not so extreme.
I often drive and do not drink when out in a group. The thing that happens then is that I usually want to leave much earlier as I seem to feel my tiredness more. Of course the others want to stay later so probably feel annoyed which might be one of the issues. I also do noy recognise the forcing people to have drinks either.

RockinRobinBird · 30/12/2010 12:09

That's awful Sylvanian Shock

stropiwithbellson · 30/12/2010 12:14

Each to their own I guess. I have the hangover from hell today and am feeling quite annoyed with myself for getting so drunk. Hmm

Glitterandglue · 30/12/2010 13:10

I decided not to drink again when I was fourteen [only having had a few sips before then, and several lager shandies, so never got more than a bit tipsy] due to the fact that at that time I was into a lot of bands whose members were alcoholics, and I didn't want to go that way. Made sense given that I know I have quite an obsessive personality [all or nothing] and my parents [not my mum in recent years due to her medication] have always been people who drank every night, even when home. They didn't need it like alcoholics to function, but my dad would get ratty if he couldn't for no good reason [i.e. to the point that when I was bad with asthma he would tell me to decide if I needed to go to the hospital before ten pm, because afterwards he would start drinking if we were still at home and then he wouldn't be able to drive me [hmmm]].

I am a control freak, and I know that. However, I also know just how spectacularly annoying I can be whilst sober, and imagining that alcohol disinhibits you, I can't imagine wanting to be around myself while drunk. And the amount of times I've been around people who told me things they wished they hadn't in the morning, because I'm usually the confidant anyway but when they're drunk their tongues loosen even more...there is a reason we learn to bite our tongues! Lucky for them I'm not the type to use information against them.

And yeah, the idea that I need to have a drink to be interesting enough to hang around with is really rather insulting. If you don't want to spend time with me, just don't, instead of spending half the night laughing and telling me, "One day, I'm gonna get you soooo drunk!" You know, you're really not. If I decide I want to drink, then I will, and it damn sure won't be because anyone else wants me to.

Agree with whoever said often people act more drunk than they are because it's expected, though. On a number of occasions I have been with drunk people and found myself actually acting like them, as in falling over, laughing at stupid things, tripping over words - and that's with the knowledge that I am stone cold sober, and I still have to work not to do that. I wonder if it is some sort of evolutionary mechanism to make you act like you're the same as the rest of the crowd so you're accepted and therefore safe or something. No matter what it is, I have found myself being told how pissed I clearly was at the time/the night before and people would not believe me when I said I actually don't drink at all. So I suppose proof I don't need to drink to act like a disinhibited giggling fool! Grin

beansprout · 30/12/2010 18:04

I haven't drunk for 16 years and have yet to see anyone drunk serve as an advert for going back. Smile

Islandlady · 30/12/2010 19:04

I cant drink now as alcohol tends to turn to acid in my stomach cant say I miss it much and I can have just as much fun when I go out without getting rat @rsed

xstitchfirstfooter · 30/12/2010 19:56

I would be a lot more boring if I was drinking. How exciting would someone who is asleep be?

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