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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not invite my dh's toxic parents to our christening?

60 replies

WWBsKnickerElastic · 29/12/2010 18:16

I have told him (given the long and complex history/baggage) that it would be better if he didn't invite them and said nothing and kept shtum.

Dh, bless him, has a very chequered history of not anticipating just how awful his parents are when it comes to family/group outings- he has in the past invited them only for it to be carnage afterwards. If his parents don?t get their every whim catered to- or if his parents aren?t able to then invite about 20 of their own friends and family then it is a long and drawn out agony. It really is all about them, they are terribly attention seeking and FIL especially will say very nasty things to get an argument going- he is a scholar don?t you know and loves a good debate Hmm

They are not religious in any way- which is fine as half the guests coming aren?t either but they are at least respectful of our wishes. I expect FIL to start his usual rant about how the jews are taking over the world (oh yes)

I am rambling. I know my dh very well and am convinced that he?s not saying anything to me now and will do a spectacular u turn a day or two before the christening and tell me they are coming.

Dh has even suggested that he tell his parents we are having the do and that they aren?t invited because he know s they aren?t church goers or interested in these occasions.

This is a big deal to me and I have my beloved family coming over from abroad I?d be so upset if they tainted it.

Is there another way that I?m not seeing?

OP posts:
KangarooCaught · 01/01/2011 17:05

I'd be v Angry & upset with dh

Plumm · 01/01/2011 17:13

Have they been told they're notcomingto the party?

mamas12 · 01/01/2011 18:08

Tell him to uninvite them or else you you have to follow through with your earlier threat.

You have to, you know that Start this year you mean to go on and stick up for you and your dcs even if your dh doesn't

LittleMissHootsMon · 01/01/2011 18:29

I agree with mammas12. Whatever the fallout, you HAVE to stand up for yourselves.

This is the last chance. If they so much as give out an odd look, you need to take the bull by the horns, and tell them off.

They are banking on no-one ever standing up for themselves, and this is their control mechanism. They have ruined your wedding, they are not ruining your DC christening.

Call them NOW and say sorry the christening is at such and such a time until such and such a time.

Don't tell them about the after do. They are not invited.

If not now, when.

IF they do cause a scene tomorrow, do not engage, let them rant, it merely adds to the reasons why you don't want them involved in your family celebrations, because they do not have the manners nor good grace to know how to behave.

You have given them the rope, let them hang themselves on it.

Once you take ONE step to standing up for yourselves, the 2nd will come easier, and so it goes on.

My BFF has the most hideous IL, and this year has started saying NO. and That doesn't work for me, and not budging. These people are so used to getting their own way all the time, when someone does say no, very often it floors them totally when someone actually does say no.

Original poster
WWBsKnickerElastic · 02/01/2011 18:21

They came to the christening Angry

They did not disappoint. Lots of filthy looks at my family (luckily they were pre warned so there were lot's of mental bingo bullshit behaviour cards going round). A few tuts and bored looks from them and a priceless "They're only doing this to get into a school".

Stupid BIL let slip about the party (nob) but I told them they weren't invited and let dh deal with them, I shouldn't feel good about it but shoot me I do.

Get together is fabulous without them and I am not bothered about the fall out.

OP posts:
Katisha · 02/01/2011 18:24

Well done for keeping them away from the party!

Must have been satisfying knowing about the mental bingo as well!

What does DH think about them today?

LittleMissHissyFit · 02/01/2011 18:53

Oh well done! exactly right! now all you have to do is hold this No Bullshit position.

enjoy the party!!

mamas12 · 02/01/2011 19:56

What a great day for you and your family.

Don't engage with them, there is no point, just support your dh in his dealings with them.

Yey

KangarooCaught · 02/01/2011 21:50

How did they react to being told they weren't invited? Wasn't dh stressed having to deal with them?

But very well done! Hope the party was/is fab.

Original poster
WWBsKnickerElastic · 03/01/2011 21:08

MIL started to try to follow me with a mouthful of how disrespectful I was/am. Then she started to bellow about how I wasn't a good/proper family person like her and that the extra seat in the car is hers and that I should take her to the party ffs.

I felt so sorry for the Vicar as his face fell a bit after the school comment (how grim)

Dh actually did give them a gob full but I don't suspect, I know that it was because my mum and dad (who'd flown over especially)were staring open mouthed and agog whilst my brother was silently pissing himself and how crazy she is. It is disappointing that he's not had the bottle before now but at least they were told.

This sounds very wrong (dh wasn't there at the beginning) but I think all of the buzz about how rude they were did get the party going a bit and I felt like a bit of a hero. I had lots of back pats. I've not ever been shown that amount of support before and for a while now my PIL escapades have become alomost like family folklore!

A shame about the beginning bit, I just wish my dh would learn, when it comes to his parents he has no sense really.

OP posts:
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