To not invite my dh's toxic parents to our christening?

[WWBsKnickerElastic]

I have told him (given the long and complex history/baggage) that it would be better if he didn't invite them and said nothing and kept shtum.

Dh, bless him, has a very chequered history of not anticipating just how awful his parents are when it comes to family/group outings- he has in the past invited them only for it to be carnage afterwards. If his parents don?t get their every whim catered to- or if his parents aren?t able to then invite about 20 of their own friends and family then it is a long and drawn out agony. It really is all about them, they are terribly attention seeking and FIL especially will say very nasty things to get an argument going- he is a scholar don?t you know and loves a good debate

They are not religious in any way- which is fine as half the guests coming aren?t either but they are at least respectful of our wishes. I expect FIL to start his usual rant about how the jews are taking over the world (oh yes)

I am rambling. I know my dh very well and am convinced that he?s not saying anything to me now and will do a spectacular u turn a day or two before the christening and tell me they are coming.

Dh has even suggested that he tell his parents we are having the do and that they aren?t invited because he know s they aren?t church goers or interested in these occasions.

This is a big deal to me and I have my beloved family coming over from abroad I?d be so upset if they tainted it.

Is there another way that I?m not seeing?

She also hates God

How can you hate someone who does not exist?

I know, I know. That's why I find it a bit of a wrangle myself. Dh really thinks
"this time I know they'll be ok".
"I've briefed them, they know to behave".
"I'll invite them on the day (an hour before)when I know they won't be able to make it". They were the first at the house when dc3's arrival from hospital/family party happened.

The vicar is aware of how shitty they are, he is on my side!

No other available dates- he has given me a cancellation and a quick one as he is aware of how controlling PIL are with dh.

Can I apologise for sounding like a whinging git.

I have taken each post into consideration.

I often feel very alone with nobody to turn to because I suppose over the years I have been conditioned into thinking that it's just the way they are like dh. (I hate that!)

How about you invite them.

"dc are being christened at 3pm today if you want to come. Afterwards we are going to a party to which you are not invited so there won't be time for any socialising afterwards. Bye for now"

I have dreams about talking to them like that CarGirl. I wish.

Just one more thing- this is YOUR thing. DH isn't fussed about a Chrsitening, his PIL are against it.. Why would you invite them? Nothing to do with them at all. YANBU to insit DH not mention it to them, and to say that if he does mention it that you will personally tell them NOT to come. Hopefully you can avoid it by scaring DH

Why don't you tell your dh he can invite them to the christening but not to the family reunion. Make it VERY clear to him that they are 2 seperate events that just happen to be on the same day.

Perhaps then he will realise best to leave well alone

Yes, actually put like that it's true. This is a big deal for me and my family , planned by me (no jeopardy for dh) It shouldn't even be a "thing" to discuss, I should just tell him and assume they'll not be coming. I have forgotten to add that dh's only brother has told dh not to even contemplate discussing it with them or inviting them even though he is coming.

I'm still smirking at
"dc are being christened at 3pm today if you want to come. Afterwards we are going to a party to which you are not invited so there won't be time for any socialising afterwards. Bye for now"

Crumbs, you'd hear the wailing and the aftershock for miles if I said that to her/him.

Then they wouldn't speak to you for a few years - result all round????

Tell them the christening is at 7pm and that the vicar is doing it at that time for you as a favour.

OP, your situation sounds as if you might be a friend of mine!

Just out of interest - is this your 3rd child, a DS after two DDs?!

Yes Lions. Please do not out me. I have name changed

But I do like to share stories of the mad PIL with friends!

He he. So this is where you find advice on how to manage your mad PIL!

I was wondering how long it would be before I found someone I knew on here!

Anyway, if you have name changed, I won't spot you again, so you're safe, but since I haven't name changed you will quickly be able to work out who I am!

No reason to invite them or even tell them about it given their views and behaviour. You have your answer if they ever do find out and raise hell about it. This a big event for you, dh needs to be supportive, not add to your stress.

Perhaps if he wants to avoid this happening again, he ought to man up and eject them every time they are vile. Otherwise accept there are some treasured family moments they simply cannot be invited to.

Lots of sympathy from me. My mother behaved so badly at the christening of DS1 that we couldn't face getting the other two christened.

One friend came up and told me that he'd always though I came across as a complete bitch when I spoke about my mother. After the christening he told me that I had actually been quite restrained...

Coola, please share some stories!

IMO, as a practicing christian, a christening is the first step towards a relationship with God which later on the child or young adult may decide to continue by being confirmed. It should be a special time when you and the godparents agree to help to guide the child on a christian journey. Although a christening party is lovely, it is by no means the most essential part of this very very special occasion which needs to include: the child or children, you and DH, the godparents and most of all God.

Sorry - don't mean to be a party pooper here, but this is what should matter at the christening, not the inlaws or the party and if the latter are likely to spoil the spirituality of the occasion, I'd just go ahead and do it privately with a nice lunch afterwards with the godparents.

Hi MadameDeath I didn't see your post earlier.

I refer to your last post with the face. I am like this almost constantly when it comes to them and their ways.
"why would you want to go to somebody elses family reunion?" Would get a mouthful from her and a "I am your family I should be there are an elder and head of my family". Honestly, there's no reasoning with them/her.

Just to give you another example (as if one were needed) she got really snippy with us yesterday after we'd spent the afternoon and demanded to know why we were going (we told her to take the children to the park) she then proceeded to ask why she doesn't come anywhere with us now that we bought a bigger car with extra seats, the extra seat being hers???? Bananas. She feels very entitled. To everything I have it would seem.

Hate to be controversial here but I disagree with the views that you should change the details of the christening. Yes the ceremony is the biggest and most important part of the day but its so formal that to me it was just as important to celebrate properly with friends/family afterwards. I simply wouldnt invite them for them and come along and ruin that. I would simply repeat to DH to "man up", not say a word and to respect your wishes.

He has said he'll see but today I've made my feelings clear about them not attending.

We shall see if he reverts to type.

oh for fucks sake. Anyone care to fucking guess who's coming despite the wisdom of my d h inviting them last minute.

Bum and C* * t!