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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peeved that they are using DD's name?

76 replies

LifeIsButtercream · 29/12/2010 12:49

I might be BU, but this is bothering me (and not in a 'I got there first' way)!

My brother (who I have little contact with, other than via my parents, due to his behaviour towards my family and me - long story) has announced that his 17yr old on/off girlfriend is pregnant, and if the baby is a girl they will be naming it......

..... the same name as my 20m old DD, INCLUDING the same middle name. AND surname.

DD's name is relatively popular (in the sense that I know another mum with a daughter with the same name, but its not so popular that there are several of them at each toddler group etc). Middle name is not a commonly used name.

Brother's girlfriend (who I have never met) has apparently set her mind on it after hearing my DD's name, and she is rather stubborn (I've been told many times) and wont contemplate another name.

AIBU to be a bit narked, as I think this may cause a lot of confusion, especially for my parents and grandparents (both my surviving grandparents suffer from dementia) who will be having regular contact with the new baby, who to cap it all off, is due in the same week as my DD's birthday.....

AIBU to be secretly hoping it is a boy? Or she has a change of heart?

OP posts:
FredFredGeorge · 29/12/2010 17:50

You've never met the mother, you have little contact with the father, what does it matter to you what the name of someone you'll likely never meet will be.

YABU - they just like the name and don't plan on increasing the contact any.

Forget it.

BigHairyGruffalo · 29/12/2010 18:40

One of my friends was recently in a similar situation. Everyone in her family knew what she would a DS if/when she has one. She had her heart set on a perfect name (both first and middle). However, her brother had a boy before her and used both the first and middle names chosen by my friend. She is still planning on using the name if/when she is lucky enough to conceive and would be really upset by some of the reactions on here (e.g. Calling the younger child ?the other [name]? and thinking that the parents of the younger child are stupid).

BigHairyGruffalo · 29/12/2010 18:41

Sorry, typo. That was meant to be 'what she would call'.

StealthPolarBear · 29/12/2010 18:47

I think I must be in a minority as this wouldn't bother me too much. Someone I know named her DD after a friend's DD as she loved the name so much - it was taken as a compliment.
The only time it might have upset me is when I had DD, DH's cousin had his DD 13 hours later - they share a surname. If they had been called the same name that would have been confusing - especially as their arrival was announced to a lot of family at the same time (and I'm sure the distant relatives assume they're twins anyway :o)

dreamingofsun · 29/12/2010 19:18

so what happened to all the people who usually post that someone doesn't own a name?

i think its out of order and stupid

MumNWLondon · 29/12/2010 19:23

OMG, she is being insane.

My brother has a very common name (think top 20 names, every year), named after my late grandfather, DH wanted to call DS the same name after HIS late grandfather. I mentioned this to my brother, thinking he'd be ok with it (was happy to have it as a middle name) as the baby would be 20 years younger than him as middle names aren't very important. Also baby would have had DH's surname, so different surname. He wasn't ok with it.

He told my parents how selfish I was to consider it, and that if we went ahead he would never speak to me again, and want no contact with his nephew. Also he wouldn't speak to my parents again either if they failed to explain to me why it wasn't appropriate. He then cried / sulked for weeks until we told him we'd changed our minds.

I did think my brother was a bit insane but maybe you could try the same.

And now he just gave his baby DD my initials without even asking...

perfectstorm · 29/12/2010 19:24

Agree with the reverse psychology, but I'd also start fondly referring to Daisy Two (or whatever). NEVER refer to her without the "two" tagged on. If they're that self-centred that may swing it.

I don't think names should have dibs as a rule, but first, middle and surname? Downright bonkers.

anonacfr · 29/12/2010 19:31

Gruffalo, your friend's situation is completely different.
If one of my siblings knew I had my heart set on a name (mentioned it to the whole family, been talking about it for years etc) I would be GUTTED if they 'stole' it. Combined with the middle name? Not sure what I would do.

What is bizarre in the OP's case is that her daughter is already born so the names have been 'taken' already. On top of that it sounds like the GF doesn't like her much so it's even weirder that she would want to copy her in picking her child's name.

BreastmilkDoesAFabEggnogLatte · 29/12/2010 19:47

How about telling your brother that your DD is no longer known by her forename but her nickname... and pick the absolute silliest nickname you can find and suggest they usr it for theiir DD...

maryz · 29/12/2010 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigHairyGruffalo · 29/12/2010 19:53

I don't think they will end up using it, I think the girlfriend is just trying to get a reaction.

theevildead2 · 29/12/2010 19:58

SHe'll feel really stupid when people meet you all and it becomes apparent she stole your name. How fucking weird. She'll regret it all when she's a grown up thought it through.

On the other hand it makes it easier for yoru parents to rmeber everyone's names Grin

classydiva · 29/12/2010 20:02

17 is far too young to have children, shows her years with wanting to call the child the same name as its cousin, its ridiculous.

ItsKurriiiistmas · 29/12/2010 20:23

dreamingofsun - I am one of the people who usually posts no one owns a name, and that children are bound to come across others with the same name, - and I do still believe that.

But I think this case is obviously an exception, it's exactly the same name in every way,- clearly IMO done to upset the OP, and will be confusing for her little girl. But if the brother and his DP do go ahead with this rather bizarre idea, they are going to look very odd, and like BHG - I don't think they will do it, they want to stir things up, knowing the information would get back to you.

BigHairyGruffalo · 29/12/2010 20:29

I?m not defending her actions, but do you think that maybe she is pushing boundaries to establish her place within the family? As it has been pointed out, she is very young, and this could be her way of determining how much ?power? she has.

anonacfr · 29/12/2010 21:55

Well if she is it's a rather odd method to try. It's a child's identity we're talking about, not buying the same car or the same dress for a party.
You'd think she'd want her child to be more individual.

Eglu · 29/12/2010 22:03

They are clearly crazy. You must come back and tell us what happens when the baby is actually born.

anonymosity · 30/12/2010 03:30

its flattering in a way - and if you have no contact with him / her / child it will make little difference in your daily life.

MumNWLondon · 30/12/2010 08:04

Is it a name that is commonly shortened? Because if so would be easy to differentiate.

bruceswilly · 30/12/2010 08:14

YANBU!

MumNWLondon - "And now he just gave his baby DD my initials without even asking..." that was a joke, right?

oxocube · 30/12/2010 08:38

A couple of years ago, I named one of my kittens Ruby. When I told my mum she immediately said "whatever you do, don't tell your Aunt as her grandaughter is called Ruby and she will be furious" Hmm Grin As I have never met my aunt's grandaughter, this didn't really bother me!!

Turned out that Ruby was a boy anyway so we changed his name to Reuben

WildEepsMomNDad · 30/12/2010 09:18

I'm with FakePlasticTrees - just start calling their child-to-be Number 2 (and get your parents in on it)... hopefully they'll realize having their child sound like a Chinese Takeaway dish by the whole family is not a good thing.

BiscuitNibbler · 30/12/2010 09:21

I have two male cousins with the same first name (mothers are sisters). It is totally ridiculous and just makes the younger sister look foolish. She has no credibility as every time she has an opinion I just think "well what do you know? You think it is acceptable to call your son your sister's child's name".

Coralanne · 30/12/2010 09:38

Really,what difference does it make?

We have a very large family. My DN and partner have a six month old named Laura.

My eldest sister has a grandaughter named Laura and she told DN she couldn't call his DD Laura because we already had one in the family.

DN's partner said "Tough, Laura was my grandmothers name and that's what DD's name is going to be".

We also have three Lukes and two Olvias.

When I have been researching my family tree, the name Samuel was everywhere.

My mum also had a nephew called Kenneth. His yougest son is Kenneth and my youngest brother was Kenneth.

I can never recall anyone thinking that someone looked foolish because of what they named their offspring.

perfectstorm · 30/12/2010 10:54

I think the clue is "we have a very large family", Coralanne. If your family is large enough fpr two Lauras, two Olivias and three Lukes, in the same generation, then it's already considerably larger than any I know. In addition, do they all share the middle and surnames of their namesakes?

If there are only 2 children in this generation and they have an identical - identical - name, that is simply odd.