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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Babies and booze

91 replies

AllyH9 · 29/12/2010 10:33

Shortly before Christmas I was standing outside Prezzo's restaurant in Farnham, Surrey when I noticed a couple sitting with a young child in the window table. As I watched, the woman offered her glass of wine to the child, who cannot have been more than two. The child took a large slug and beamed broadly. Over the next few minutes, the child clamoured for more wine and the woman allowed it to have two further large slugs. The man seemed unconcerned by this, but I was horrified.

I'm all for inculcating a responsible attitude to drinking, perhaps even allowing a teenager to drink in carefully-monitored moderation, but surely booze should not be given to babies? The amount the child drank must have had an effect on such a tiny body, and it seems clear that there is a link between childhood drinking and alcoholism in later life.

Since then, I have been berating myself: I should have been brave enough to go in and say something to the child's mother. My only hope now is that she might recognise herself and question the wisdom of her actions. What do other mums think?

OP posts:
MiniMarmite · 29/12/2010 11:41

We allowed DS1 (2) the tiniest of sips of wine and beer in the past to show him that it is an adult drink that he would not like...unfortunately it failed miserably as he seems to likes the taste and asks to have some every time we drink alcohol (we say no of course)!

TBH I think it is important to demystify it and not make a big deal about it - I have French friends who routinely give their toddler very dilute wine at family parties.

Original poster
AllyH9 · 29/12/2010 11:43

I was actually waiting for my husband to book a table, rather than rubbernecking...

OP posts:
Plumm · 29/12/2010 11:43

DD (4) has a glass of champagne when we go to a nice restaurant. It's soda water with a bit of blackcurrant cordial, in a champagne glass, and it looks like the real thing.

Original poster
AllyH9 · 29/12/2010 11:46

Not staring; looking at the menu while I waited for my husband to book a table for later...

OP posts:
Original poster
AllyH9 · 29/12/2010 11:50

Thanks for this. I think I was particularly horrified because someone I know is an alcoholic, and can trace the beginning of their addiction to gripewater and Tixylix (which used to contain alcohol) at the age of two.

OP posts:
Original poster
AllyH9 · 29/12/2010 12:03

I don't think I'll bother to post again; I only did so because I thought the subject was important. I asked whether I was being unreasonable, but I really did not expect personal abuse.

In the past, I've asked people not to beat their children about the head in shops. I've called the police to rescue a crying five-year-old when his drunken father collapsed in the street. I've asked a woman not to drop fag ash on a tiny newborn baby. I've got out of my car at traffic lights and asked a woman to strap her three loose children into their car seats. I've also told a woman wearing a fur coat, hat and boots that her freezing cold, screaming and inadequately-dressed baby should be wearing a coat and hat over his thin babygro and be wrapped in a blanket. But I guess I should just have walked on by. Not my business.

Isn't Mumsnet supposed to be for intelligent, thoughtful people?

OP posts:
lenak · 29/12/2010 12:04

We often eat there and they serve soft drinks and water in different glasses. We often eat there and they serve soft drinks and water in different glasses.

I have, many a time, had to ask for a spare wine glass in a restaurant for DD (3) to drink her fizzy water out of - how do you know the parents hadn't done that?

I have also poured DD's drinks into empty beer bottles for her to drink out of.

She also ofter asks for beer to drink (meaning fizzy water in a beer bottle).

lenak · 29/12/2010 12:05

Ooops - didn't mean to duplicate the quote Blush

TheHoneydragonsInTheIvy · 29/12/2010 12:09

Ally, your op was a fair enough point. You got plenty of fair and even responses.

"Isn't Mumsnet supposed to be for intelligent, thoughtful people?"

I guess you've made a nice blanket decision there, so best of luck with the rest of your post and have a [fbear]

Tee2072 · 29/12/2010 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

Mumi · 29/12/2010 12:16

So what stopped you intervening this time, OP?

AuntiePickleBottom · 29/12/2010 12:17

my 2 children age 18 months and 4.5 years both had pretend wine at christmas.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 29/12/2010 12:18

Alcoholism linked to gripe water? Quick someone called the DoH, lets have it removed from the shelves...

My DS just had some calpol. Shall I book him a place in rehab now?

PeeringIntoAFestiveVoid · 29/12/2010 12:22

Chipmonkey "I have NEVER seen any child smile after tasting alcohol. It can't have been wine."

My DD was around two when she first wanted a sip of my wine - I gave her a tiny taste, thinking that she'd hate it and wouldn't want it again. On the contrary, she loved it and thereafter tried to steal gulps sips at every opportunity. We got wise to it quickly, but when we had guests, they'd often leave their glasses momentarily unattended, and she'd try to drain the lot. She still loves a sip now, but we never let her have any more than that.

OP of course YANBU to think that they shouldn't be feeding their toddler gulps of wine. But I agree with others that you can't be totally sure that it was wine. I think you've been flamed a bit unnecessarily here -
"Oh aren't you just the most perfect parent? And good on you sticking your big nose telling on all those poor people or telling them what to do.
FFS, get a life of your own and stop bothering other people."

  • I don't think someone hitting their child around the head or collapsing pissed on the street can really be categorised as 'poor people', can they Tee2070 Hmm
nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree · 29/12/2010 12:24

Where on earth do you come across all these reprobate parents? Surely not in Farnham?! Shock Wink

RockinRobinBird · 29/12/2010 12:25

I think you ought to move Ally. There seems to be a very high proportion of inadequate parents where you live. Putting them straight must take up so much of yuor time.

With regard to your op, unless you went in and sniffed the glass, then YABU. You have no idea what was in it.

ManateeEquineOhara · 29/12/2010 12:25

My ex H died as a result of alcoholism. It was the result of a fucked up family, and yes he had an addictive personality, but I really don't think alcoholism could possibly be traced to gripe water, I think the alcoholic that you know of is being very evasive or naive about the true cause of their addiction!

Also, I really think as others have said, that it was not an alcoholic drink, kids don't smile after taking a gulp of wine!

SpringHeeledJack · 29/12/2010 12:26

"Isn't Mumsnet supposed to be for intelligent, thoughtful people?"

...I'll get me coat

TheHoneydragonsInTheIvy · 29/12/2010 12:35
SpringHeeledJack · 29/12/2010 12:36
Binfullofgibletsonthe45 · 29/12/2010 12:36

I'll leave with spring once my ds5 and I finish these lagers.

FlyingFig · 29/12/2010 12:37
TheHoneydragonsInTheIvy · 29/12/2010 12:38

Cor, Mumsnets front porch is getting a bit crowded , now its full of all us unintelligent, thoughtless people.

harverina · 29/12/2010 12:45

Hi ally, I don't think your being unreasonable to be shocked by a parent giving their baby wine. But agree with some of the other posts that it probably wasn't wine, and was more likely to have been a soft drink.
Well done for challenging the other parents when you had concerns about their children. Thats a brave thing to do. I don't agree that people should mind their own business when they think that a child may be at risk. But, I'm not sure i'd be as brave as you. I would probably take the cowards route and phone the police if I saw something that really concerned me.
I'm a bit suprised at some of the others giving their babies sips of wine and filling beer bottles with fizzy water etc. Not sure the point in it, and wondering if its helping give children a healthy attitude towards alcohol? Just my own thoughts and I'm not being judgemental.
If I saw a parent give a small baby alcohol, and I was 100% sure that it really was alcohol and not juice, I think I would have to do something...i'm not saying that if I saw a child getting a sip i'd march up to the parents or dial 999...but if they kept getting gulps then I would phone the police. If someone is willing to feed a baby wine in public, who knows what they are doing in private! But its a fine line at times, and hard for people to know when to intervene or take action.

harverina · 29/12/2010 13:08

Hi ally, I don't think your being unreasonable to be shocked by a parent giving their baby wine. But agree with some of the other posts that it probably wasn't wine, and was more likely to have been a soft drink.
Well done for challenging the other parents when you had concerns about their children. Thats a brave thing to do. I don't agree that people should mind their own business when they think that a child may be at risk. But, I'm not sure i'd be as brave as you. I would probably take the cowards route and phone the police if I saw something that really concerned me.
I'm a bit suprised at some of the others giving their babies sips of wine and filling beer bottles with fizzy water etc. Not sure the point in it, and wondering if its helping give children a healthy attitude towards alcohol? Just my own thoughts and I'm not being judgemental.
If I saw a parent give a small baby alcohol, and I was 100% sure that it really was alcohol and not juice, I think I would have to do something...i'm not saying that if I saw a child getting a sip i'd march up to the parents or dial 999...but if they kept getting gulps then I would phone the police. If someone is willing to feed a baby wine in public, who knows what they are doing in private! But its a fine line at times, and hard for people to know when to intervene or take action.