Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect people to stay at the table until I have finished eating?

52 replies

Mypombearisveryold · 28/12/2010 22:34

I cooked dinner for twelve on Christmas day, eight grown ups and four children (11,4,2,1)

I put the food on the set dining table and my husband asked everybody to come and help themselves.

I got my food last, and am a pretty slow eater.

As the others finished their meals they got up from the table, most thanked me, and went off.

I finished eating an hour after the first one started. I ended up finishing my dinner on my own.

Well actually with the one year old who was stuck in the high chair.

I'm always the last one eating so don't know what it feels like to be sitting at a table bored maybe.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 28/12/2010 22:35

My parents always taught me that you waited, or you asked if you could be excused, bit mean you ate alone.

tulpe · 28/12/2010 22:37

Absolutely not BU.

I think that's really rude. If you sit down to lunch/dinner as a family (whatever the occasion or day), you sit together until everyone has finished.

You don't get "bored" at the table because hopefully everyone has good enough manners and enough interest in each other to make conversation.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 28/12/2010 22:37

Bad manners- no one leaves until everyone is finished unless you ask to be excused.

Serendippy · 28/12/2010 22:37

The phone rang halfway through my xmas dinner. DH answered it and proceeded to talk to half his extended family while I continued eating in silence. He then passed the phone to me because they wanted to talk to me. I took the phone, told them I was still eating and would call them back and hung up. He was brought up eating in front of the tv and everyone fended for themselves so does not value this time, but I hate it.

YANBU.

Ooopsadaisy · 28/12/2010 22:37

If they left the table and started on the washing up while entertaining the kids, refilling your glass and putting the rubbish out then I would say they were quite good guests.

If they fucked off to the sofa and started farting in front of the TV then I wouldn't invite them ever again.

Littlefish · 28/12/2010 22:38

How incredibly rude of everyone else.

Actually, I don't think anyone should even have started until everyone had food on their plates. This is how it works in my house.

upahill · 28/12/2010 22:38

It is rubbish that you ate alone!

Even now when DS1 or DS2 start to leave the table when someone is still eating either DH or myself will say 'manners!!' and they apolgize and quickly sit down.

The grown ups with you were rude to leave unless you sent them on their way. The children should have been told to sit down by the other grown ups IMO.

bytheMoonlight · 28/12/2010 22:39

YANBU but I think you went wrong by allowing people to start eating before you were all seated. If you all had started eating at the same time, you would have finished at roughly the same tme and there would have been no issue.

Lonnie · 28/12/2010 22:39

YANBU it drives me CRAZY when people do this. DH has a bad habit of doing so but I have been "peck peck peck " at him for the last 17 years and now at least he has started asking and is making an effort. the kids knows to not leave until I have said they are allowed.

it is BAD table manners..

spingspong · 28/12/2010 22:41

Not BU in the slightest.

If you've gone to all the effort of cooking for 12 the least they can do is sit with you while you finally get to eat!

For me a lovely part of Christmas is sitting round the table during dinner and for a long time afterwards, just chatting, drinking wine etc. Wouldn't mind if the kids got bored and wandered off but wouldn't dream of doing so as an adult. Your guests were rude.

TottWriter · 28/12/2010 22:41

YANBU. We were never allowed to get down without asking, and would always wait. But then, pudding was never served until the mains had been finished by all.

It probably isn't being helped by you doing all the serving yourself. Could you get other people to help dish things up; that way you would be able to eat together. When I visited my Nana, I'd always offer to help lay the table and if there was anything else I could do, and my Dad and Aunts would help serve up. We also wouldn't start eating until everyone was seated, and this was never a problem even when we were children. It meant we were all able to chat as we ate. Do you have a way to try and steer mealtimes to be more inclusive?

RockinRobinBird · 28/12/2010 22:42

It is rude but if you know you're a slow eater then maybe you should have ensured that you didn't start eating an hour after everyone else. How did you manage to start so late? You should have all started together and you should hurry up a bit. No wonder they were bored and wandered off.

anonacfr · 28/12/2010 22:46

I agree that younger children should be allowed to leave the table when they're done (specially if they have presents to play with) but no-one else.

It's rude to start eating before everyone else as well.

Saying that it took you an hour longer to eat? You are a slow eater indeed! Grin

Original poster
Mypombearisveryold · 28/12/2010 22:55

I didn't start eating an hour later than everybody else. The food was in serving dishes on the table for people to help themselves. I didn't dish up everybody else, I just let them go first.

Then they started eating before I had served myself (this is something I don't do. I wait until everybody else is ready to start.)

I didn't mind the children so much. Everybody thanked me.

It didn't ruin my day. I had a fabby day.

I like people to come over and have a nice time, and I don't expect much back. My dh did the first dishwasher load, I did the second. It was more the sitting on the sofa, rather than sitting at the table, that bothered me.

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 28/12/2010 22:58

you are soo NBU

how rude were your guests. did your DH leave you to eat alone????

chilodren would be welcome to leave the table and play together because once they finish eating tehy get bored listening to adults but i have never once in my life been for dinner or had dinner with guests where any adult has left the table before everyone stopped eating. what is wrong with sitting at the table chatting and drinking?

how horrible for you to be left alone.

UnderTheRadar2212 · 28/12/2010 23:01

Kids should be allowed to get down first if they've finished, after asking.

We were brought up to remain at the table until everyone had finished eating, however slow. In my day, we didn't dare ask to move! lol!

Paradis · 28/12/2010 23:01

You must be a verrrrrry slow eater!

RockinRobinBird · 28/12/2010 23:04

Sorry my mistake. I misread your op and thought you had started eating an hour after the first one started!

upahill · 28/12/2010 23:05

I don't even agree with kids leaving tbh and have never tolerated that. They have had to sit and chat with all of us.

By doing this it has made life so much more pleasent as they have got older. I mean they can't walk around a restaurant once they have finished first can they so why should they when a family meal is taking place?

Ephiny · 28/12/2010 23:06

YANBU, it was quite rude of your guests - and your DH. Actually they shouldn't have started without you, I thought it was good manners to wait until everyone's at the table with food in front of them before you start eating? Though an hour would be a long time for them to wait for you to join them!

Agree that children can leave the table earlier, though if they're old enough they should ask to be excused instead of just wandering off!

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 28/12/2010 23:06

good point upahill.

Bathsheba · 28/12/2010 23:09

It very rude of them but did it really take you an hour to eat your main course???

You maybe need to consider what was worse, them getting up from the table and leaving you or 11 people sitting for about 45 minutes after they had finished watching you slowly eat cold food....

Yep they were rude but would you really have preferred that audience?

MadamDeathstare · 28/12/2010 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Mypombearisveryold · 28/12/2010 23:25

I don't really like it when people bolt their food and then sit and watch me either, I don't eat silly slowly.
If they had waited until I had put my food on my plate before they had started eating it wouldn't have made such a difference.

I eat slowly, but after cooking such a big dinner I didn't feel like eating a vast portion. So some of the others ate a lot more than me, just started earlier, ate faster, left sooner.

Dh will be shown this thread, but I don't think he will ever understand.

You wait until everybody is served before you start, and wait until everybody has finished before you leave.

I'm pretty glad that you all think INBU by the way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mypombearisveryold · 28/12/2010 23:28

I'm not fucking Gillian McKeith by the way.

OP posts: