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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My inlaws don't seem to care about my baby's health.

70 replies

HardyPerineum · 28/12/2010 17:21

So, my son has had a cold which started on Christmas Eve and basically made his first Christmas unsettled, snotty and unpleasant. Not fun, but unavoidable. He's just starting to get over it.

My inlaws have now decided to come and visit, and I find out today (after letting him play with and handle the baby extensively) that one of them has brought another cold with him.

If he knew he had a cold, did he have to come? I personally wouldn't go and visit a family member with a small baby if I knew I was ill with an infectious disease.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Scuttlebutter · 29/12/2010 00:08

Um, nobody seems to have mentioned that maybe you should have mentioned your baby's cold to your inlaws? Infection goes both ways. Although one of them has already succumbed, I would be very unhapppy if I visited a family member over Christmas and found them smothering - I'd prefer to be told so the visit could be rearranged for a better time for everyone. They may not have a good immune system.

tomhardyismydh · 29/12/2010 00:17

i think yabu and nbu at the same time, its tough having a poorly baby but at 4 months in my experience a baby can fight of a cold with no lasting damage. however its also about the age they will get every possible infectious illness he will be well again in about 2 years but only untill he starts school.

now I was pissed off when my baby born with streb b and we where both hospitalised for 10 days, on her 5th day in this world my friend came to visit and after cooing all over my dd and holding and cuddling her for about 20 mins non stop during her hour visit anounced she was on steriods for a chronic chest infection. Confused as to why anyone in that state would visit a labour ward.

tethersend · 29/12/2010 00:22

My DP's mother has never met DD, or me for that matter. DD is 2. She has never received a card or a present from her Grandmother.

That's what an inlaw who doesn't care looks like. Passing on a cold is not such a big deal.

tethersend · 29/12/2010 00:23

But I can see why you're upset- a sick baby is horrible.

igetmorelovefromthecat · 29/12/2010 00:28

YANBU - my 5 month old DD just had her first major cold and she ended up in hospital with a burst eardrum and cried in pain for a week.

diddl · 29/12/2010 09:04

I don´t think it means that they don´t care-just that they are thoughtless.

Why would anyone want to risk a baby/toddler/child getting a cold if it could be avoided?

tholeon · 29/12/2010 09:32

I think that what a lot of people on this thread are missing is that a virus which can cause a cold in a fit healthy adult or child could cause a much worse illness in a baby - google RSV, the leading cause of bronciolitus in babies. Most of the time the baby will be fine, but when my son ended up in intensive care at four months with a common virus (which would have been likely to cause a bad cold in most people) I kept being told it was not because he had any underlying condition, just because he was four months old and unlucky. Now, actually, it emerged that he did have an underlying birth defect - but even so, the fact is that all the intensive care professionals were for a long time convinced that it was just because he was four months old. I agree that you can't avoid germs or keep babies in a bubble but they don't need to be exposed to them unneccessarily. I know I come from a particular perspective after our experiences!

kslatts · 29/12/2010 09:47

YABU - only a cold. I wouldn't cancel a visit to family with a 4 month old baby if I had a cold.

clam · 29/12/2010 09:52

Since when is a cold an "infectious disease ?"

diddl · 29/12/2010 10:06

"YABU - only a cold. I wouldn't cancel a visit to family with a 4 month old baby if I had a cold."

Well I wouldn´t want to pass it on if I could help it, so I´d avoid contact at least!

OP-do they see you very often or would it have been a big thing to cancel & reorganise?

TheFeministParent · 29/12/2010 10:42

My ds2 had a chest infection and RSV his first Christmas because my ILs didn't tell us they were coming with heavy colds. He spent two nights in hospital, he was six months and had an older (20 months) sibling.

ledkrsbellyislikesantas · 29/12/2010 11:01

do you think people ought to be a bit more carefull with germs anyway.I had terrible flu for wks recently and am in late pg so went to my chest and i was fairly ill.I never get colds normally and had scoffed at the flu jab Blush have had it now tho.
On boxing day my mum bought my nan here with a stinking cold(it was my mum telling me that there were 4 pg womwn in icu at the hospital)and yesterday my best friend phoned up sounding like death suggesting she visits today-said she was feeling like s**t-wtf?
I told her i would rather she didnt come untill not ill but it makes ou feel bad,why risk it cos colds and flu are really vile for anyone.
dont think it means pil dont care tho,just a bit thoughtless.

tholeon · 29/12/2010 11:02

kslatts I really think you should tell that family and leave the decision up to them...

OP am sure your in-laws didn't mean to be unkind, but it is just a bit thoughtless and ill informed.

tholeon · 29/12/2010 11:04

sorry meant the family...

Original poster
HardyPerineum · 29/12/2010 16:11

Thanks all for your opinions and advice on helping out a snotty baby!

I am a great believer in "healthy dirt" and want my son to have a good immune system - but am admittedly spacey from lack of sleep. Oh, and I did tell my inlaws that DS had a cold before they came. I told everyone. Misery loves company!

I also do worry about things like RSV and have cousins who suffer very badly with colds (they're asthmatic)

I downgrade my original titling to "thoughtless inlaws" :) and "infectious disease" to "snot virus."

...actually, snot virus sounds worse...

OP posts:
oldandgreynow · 29/12/2010 17:39

I read somewhere it's average l for a child to have 10 colds in their first year

Chandon · 29/12/2010 17:55

well, obviously it is your first baby, and your feelings are normal.

I felt like that with my firstborn!

I only felt a bit precious with hindsight.

And I do not agree it is in any way good for babies to have lots of colds. You are only immune to a cold virus for a few months, and besides there are lots of different cold viruses around, so with bad luck you could really go from cold to cold to cold.

It is miserable to have baby unable to feed well or sleep well due to blocked nose and cough.

Yanbu, it's not fun

honkytonk · 29/12/2010 18:03

YANBU and YABU. Of course to you if you are really tired the last thing you want is another cold. I know that feeling all too well!!!

However, I have lost count the number of times both my kids have gone to school and preschool before that to be seen standing next to a child with a rash all over their face or a snotty nose. I was told once by DC best friends mum that their DC had nits and it may be advisable to get some treatment in as it was likely my DC would get them too!!

It is the nature of parenting unfortunately! Like you I would tell someone if DC are ill and let them make the choice whether or not to come. However, lots of people, for many different reasons, are not like that.

It is frustrating though as you are the one suffering sleep deprivation as a consequence if your child is poorly. It is a cold tbh I have been with parents who have let their kids play with mine and later told me that they think their kids may have scarlet fever!!!

Rollmops · 29/12/2010 18:31

'Calling a cold an infectious disease is a bit OTT...'
---- tiz' joke, right Confused
You can not be that stupid......

kittywise · 30/12/2010 20:44

It's infectious or is that contagious? I don't know, but it's not a disease is itHmm?

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