Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not agree that a baby can have you wrapped around their finger

33 replies

Lynzjam · 28/12/2010 11:17

I have a 3.5 month old DD. We have been spending also of time with friends and family over Christmas and we have had a couple of comments about the baby having us wrapped around her little finger.

This comment bugs me! Why do people say this?

OP posts:
HappyHECmanay · 28/12/2010 11:22

It's just a saying.

All they mean is that you dote on your baby and meet all her needs and are on top of everything she needs and wants.

which is not a bad thing.

TheMonster · 28/12/2010 11:22

Surely it's completely normal for the baby to be the centre of your world for a while?

BertieBottlesOfMulledWine · 28/12/2010 11:27

Because for some unknown reason people seem to think babies are born with fully functional adult brains, are completely aware of everything they do and wish to have you at their beck and call just to exercise their own power. I always think it says more about them TBH!

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 28/12/2010 11:30

Oh FFS, why DO people have to open their mouths for the purpose of saying something, anything to fill a space.

Silence is Golden.

Lynz, I hope you rolled your eyes at them...

stickersarecurrency · 28/12/2010 11:33

Because there's an idiotic idea often held by the older generation that babies are manipulative. It's pish. It was suggested that my DS was manipulating me, because he was a difficult baby and so I held him and fed him often. The implication is that somehow giving a baby the contact it needs is spoiling it. Anyway, it's bollocks so don't worry about it. If DS is spoiled it's because as an older child he's been indulged with vast amounts of stuff, nothing to do with my refusal to neglect him as a baby. Keep doing what you're doing.

Chil1234 · 28/12/2010 11:33

You will have said it yourself in the past. Xmas Smile Formerly intelligent, independent, fun-loving friend has baby and turns into boring, sleep-deprived creature that leaps to attention at every monitor-amplified snuffle, talks about nothing but baby, and can't do X, Y or Z at a particular time because it clashes with some feed/nappy-change/nap schedule etc.

Of course it's normal but doesn't stop anyone taking the piss, does it?

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 28/12/2010 11:36

I have never heard anyone as moronic to say that a 14wk old baby can wrap anyone around their finger.

i would never say that and would have to give an odd look at the least to anyone dumb enough to say it.

What a load of bollocks indeed.

Sidge · 28/12/2010 11:39

Some people seem to have the notion that a small baby has the cognitive ability to deliberately manipulate the behaviour of those caring for it.

They are totally and utterly wrong!

TattyDevine · 28/12/2010 11:41

Maybe they were talking about the grasp reflex! Grin

magicmummy1 · 28/12/2010 11:43

yanbu. Babies aren't manipulative!

MumNWLondon · 28/12/2010 11:43

Depends on age, not possible at 3.5 months, but possible for older baby, eg 9-10 months.

HappyHECmanay · 28/12/2010 11:51

Babies are manipulative. They aren't cynically manipulative, but they have evolved to manipulate the parents Grin They cry so you attend to them, they smile at you from a very early age so you bond with them. Nature has designed babies to ensure that their needs are met. You could argue that the way this is done is 'manipulation'. - the management of the parents for the baby's advantage.

Different from the way we understand manipulation as an aggressive act, but technically manipulation all the same.

TheFeministParent · 28/12/2010 11:53

I think you should agree with 'dcs wishes are my command, that's my job as her parent'.

BringOnTheGoat · 28/12/2010 11:54

Maybe they are ..... making conversation! Shock

Like all annoying comments - ignore, ignore. DD hasme in palm of her tiny hand and I don't care who knows. I had her to love her and I do Smile

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 28/12/2010 11:57

What HappyHECmanay said. (Is that you Hec? I'm guessing so)

People say dappy things whenever babies are involved - pre, peri and post birth. Goodness knows why - I don't even know why I do it, some kind of conversational gambit which doesn't always come out right, I think.

Morloth · 28/12/2010 12:03

My favourite comment was along the lines of: 'if you cuddle him every time he cries he will expect you to come when he is upset' .

Well yeah that is a reasonable expectation because I will come if he needs me too.

HappyHECmanay · 28/12/2010 12:10

yes. it is. Smile hi.

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 28/12/2010 12:21

Lynzjam - you wait, there'll be plenty more rubbish spouted by friends/relatives/people in the street - all things that will make you grit your teeth with silent fury and then come and write on MN about it - things like "you're making a rod for your own back", "in my day we never..." etc. etc.

Don't get angry, it's a waste of time.

Original poster
Lynzjam · 01/01/2011 22:10

I feel really down about it. Every time my DD screams or cries now I feel like I am such a crap parent.
I've been told I am too soft with her and that I shouldn't reward her when she protests when I put her down by picking her back up again. She's only 4 months!

My DM seems to think I should be able to leave her on her own for periods of time which I do on her baby gym but as soon as she's fed up I'll pick her up. I wonder if my DM is panicking a bit as she's supposed to be looking after DD when I go back to work. I just wish folk would keep their opinions to themselves.

DD is a very alert, switched on baby. She likes interaction with toys and people. She was doing alot of ooooh-ing to people around the room at xmas and new year parties. So when she is bored she likes to be carried around to look at stuff. She is inquisitive. My DM and her friend think she's too demanding.

I was saying to DM that I'm glad festivities are over as being out the house was interfering with DD's sleep a bit. DM said that I can't stay in the house all the the time although when DD was only few weeks she kept going on about routines!

I'm so disappointed in myself I've let it get to me. I'm used to think I was doing the best for my baby. Now I doubt myself.

OP posts:
earwicga · 01/01/2011 22:12

'Now I doubt myself.'

That's because you're a normal mother. It comes with the territory.

Arion · 01/01/2011 22:19

Please don't doubt yourself, you are the mum and closest to your DD and know her best (alongside the father). Follow your instincts and ignore other "helpful" comments. You sound like a great Mum doing the best you can for your DD.

MsKLo · 01/01/2011 22:19

Listen

All mums doubt themselves

All mums feel they ought to be doing things better

People should mind their own fucking business but it is human nature to offer opinions - if something really annoys you dOnt be afraid to say - politely if you can!

Believe in yourself - NO-ONE knows your baby like you

You are not alone!

fireblademum · 01/01/2011 22:20

who was it who suggested the T shirt reading 'yes you are right..... and i'm enjoying doing it wrong'

i have an 8mo and some wonderful family helping. any old school suggestions i dont like the sound of ( including, you shouldn't bf beyond 6 months - its just an indulgence for the mothers own pleasure, and similar ones to your comments re not picking up, routines, etc) i smile sweetly, agree in a distant and vague sort of way and do exactly as i damn well please.
you are her MUM, trust in yourself. x

sayjay · 01/01/2011 22:22

Eurgh - one of my bug bears too - as a responsive parent to a high needs child.
Have you read anything by the Sears, it may help to validate the natural instincts you are following and give you confidence in criticism.
A recent comment I had in a shop just before Christmas, DS (13 weeks) fed up, overstimulated, crying in pram - stops crying when I take him out of pram and cuddle him - shop assistant says " Naughty bugger - only wanted to be picked up!" Hmm
I also hate the question - "is he good?" No he's bloody terrible, I'll be requesting a new one tomorrow Hmm

Not tried a facebook link before, but if this works, it's beautiful.

here

fireblademum · 01/01/2011 22:24

ps dd has me and dh wrapped utterly round her little finger - exactly as it should be! be proud of how intuitive you are to your lo's needs.