to stand firm and not get dh's granny flowers?

[YunoYurbubson]

Oh this is so infuriating.

I usually do ALL the Christmas and birthday presents and cards and everything for mine and dh's family. I do it happily. Dh and I are a good team and he pulls his weight in other areas. We play to our strengths, and buying gifts is not a strength of his.

So, for various reasons, I told him that this year he needed to buy christmas presents for 4 of his family members. I told him in good time. I reminded him. Then I reminded him again.

Then I said "I am NOT going to remind you to do this again. You need to go online and buy these 4 people something to arrive in time for Christmas. If you do not do this you make BOTH of us look like shit. They are not hard people to buy for. As you have not once had to think about any of your families birthdays or Christmas presents for over a decade now, I do not think it is too much to ask that you do these 4 this year. Please have the decency not to make me look like shit because you can't be arsed".

I knew DAMN WELL he hadn't done anything about it.

So, come Christmas I ask him what he sorted out.

He looked worried.

FFS.

His 2yo niece? Nothing.
His dad? Nothing.
His sister? Nothing.
His Granny? Nothing.

I said I was very disappointed, but perhaps he could salvage the situation by at the very least sending his Granny flowers, and that I would send his niece something to arrive after Chriatmas and blame the snow.

Boxing day: gentle reminder.

He has STILL not done anything.

It's the principal of the fucking thing. But by standing firm, a nice old lady has not got anything from us for Christmas, and that sucks.

I don't know why my husband is being such an arse about this. He is not generally an arse.

Would you send granny flowers, thereby giving dh the message that penis ownership absolves him completely from all present duties from not until the end of time?

Or would you make your point, and leave granny unflowered?

YANBU

Do not send the flowers.

In the scheme of things though does it really matter who buys the presents to send?

If he is more than pulling his weight in other areas does it honestly matter?
especially as the OP claims they work as a team and play to each others strengths.

This is just point scoring IMO.

YABU - you said that you work as a team and that you play to your strengths and admitted that buying gifts is not his strength.

If you had told us the various reasons that made you change your mind this year, maybe I would see your point.

We have a deal here. He gives me the money.. I do the shopping.

I have spent years trudging round the shops trying to find nice things for my 3 stepkids, only for it never to be appreciated.. so this year they all got vouchers! It made shopping SO much easier!!

sorry but I think you were a fool to ever take on the responsibility of present buyer.

Your DH is acting like a small child because you have been, and are (with your gentle reminders then getting gradually crosser, as you would with a child)treating him like one.

Either just do it, or back off completely and let him deal with the consequences (this also means NOT apologising to any of these people).

I would say you should keep reminding him about the flowers (and indeed other belated gifts - not sure why the granny is singled out), until he does it.

But do NOT send them yourself.

I am interested in what changed this year that made you tell him to get 4 presents himself, when you'd always got them before? Have you agreed to take on one of "his" jobs in return, or did you decide you were doing more than your fair share?

I just don't get it.

If he has other strengths, if he's a decent, hard-working and kind man, why the hell don't you just accept he's crap at buying presents and you are good at buying presents and just buy them?

You can get anything you want online now. In the time it took you to write the OP and a couple of posts, you could've bought the bloody things.

Really, if this is the biggest problem you have in your marriage, you're a lucky woman!

Don't understand this at all - you make a massive point (intially) of saying you buy the presents and you don't mind because your husband is great in other ways.

Now you're in a tizz because he hasn't bought the presents?

If you don't mind doing it then DO IT. Why make such a big deal out of it?

So a little old lady will feel forgotten because you're making some futile point?

You both sound like a couple of twats

I got this over and done with the first year DP and I were together when his snidey sister made a comment at a family meal - I said clearly that presents for his side of the family were his responsibility as I have 23 to do for my side

I didn't hear the end of it from the sister for a few years tbh - and his cousin talked about how she was bitching about me behind my back

yet now, 16 years down the line I hear nothing of it - of course we don't get their kids presents and they don't get our kids presents - rather the way I like it tbh