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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to pull up PIL's friends for racist (religionist?) story?

69 replies

AnnieLobeseder · 27/12/2010 15:30

We're staying at the PIL's at the moment, and they're having some friends over today. One of PIL's friends was telling a 'hilarious' story about how he and some work mates nearly got a Muslim to eat a pork sausage until "some sod" told him it was pork and ruined the 'joke'.

I said I didn't think that was funny at all, and people like that who think it's funny to make Muslims eat pork or vegetarian eat meat (I'm veggie) are actually being pretty shitty (worded it better though).

Of course they conversation then turned to how pretty much all Muslims eat pork and drink alcohol when they're not in public anyway etc etc etc... very bigoted people.

My brother was shooting me daggers for pointing out the nastiness of this guest's views, but frankly, I'd rather be unpopular than just suck it up and abandon my views.

So, was IBU?

OP posts:
Chaotica · 27/12/2010 21:53

YANBU

Glad you said something.

I'm currently cut off from part of DP's family for saying something to their unpleasant racist comments. There is never a good time to put up with such shite.

pointythings · 27/12/2010 21:55

@christp,

I'm Dutch.

TyraG · 27/12/2010 21:59

Use one of my favourite lines; If ignorance is bliss, you must be one very happy bunny!

LOL...mine is "If ignorance is bliss, you must be fucking orgasmic."

chrispt · 27/12/2010 23:43

@pointythings You're different :)

Substitute "Dutch" for any other nationality, it doesn't make the statement any less absurd.

noyoucant · 28/12/2010 00:10

YADNBU for pulling them up on it. Fair play to you. As Islam is a religion, not a race, they weren't being racist in this instance (though people with such unenlightened attitudes to those of different religious faiths often seem to extend them to those different races too unfortunately).

firstforthought · 28/12/2010 12:39

LOL @ TyraG

Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 28/12/2010 13:06

noyoucant - that's why I put religionist in brackets. There should be a better term for religious intolerance.

But I think prejudice against Muslims is often a racist thing - I bet these people would be just as prejudiced about Christian people from the same part of the world as the Muslims they were discussing.

I must say this week has been a eye-opener. I live amongst very open-minded, tolerant and liberal people. We have so many nationalities at work, it's wonderful. Having so many extreme right-wing bigots all in one place has been shocking!

OP posts:
sue52 · 28/12/2010 13:49

To say nothing would seem to condone this nasty "joke" so YANBU.

OpenToLawSuits · 28/12/2010 14:06

YANBU. Good for you. I'dve done the same, only not as polite..!

oldandgreynow · 28/12/2010 16:08

I think you were being much worse than the PILs friends to be honest.How rude when you are a guest in someone's house to pull up their friends.

beijingaling · 28/12/2010 16:19

YANBU

FFS to those who think you should be quiet in the face of rudeness and ignorance.

First they came for the socialists...

GrimmaTheNome · 28/12/2010 17:25

How rude of these other people, when she is a guest in a house, to subject her to such nasty talk. Hmm

That argument carries no water whatever.

littleducks · 28/12/2010 17:29

I thought your PILs were Jewish Annie, wouldn't they be similarly miffed at being tricked into eating pork?

Does seem like a strange story to tell

MadamDeathstare · 28/12/2010 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

taintedsnow · 28/12/2010 18:26

oldandgreynow, you do realise that what you have just said is tantamount to saying that racism is acceptable, don't you?

There is no time or place for bigotry of any kind, and calling people out on it trumps (in a big way) any perceived standards of behaviour in another person's house.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 28/12/2010 18:45

I am astounded that some people think that it is not okay to pull someone up for their bigoted views in someone esle's home.

How on Earth are we supposed to tackle such ignorance if no-one is willing to stand up and say "actually it is not acceptable to say such offensive things"?

By staying silent you are being complicit in such views.

Annie - well done you. I am 100% with Grimma on this one.

Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 28/12/2010 19:56

littleducks - quite right, well, spotted, it's not my PIL (thought it looked wrong for some reason!). We're staying with my dad and step-mum. Who are Christian (well, as in, they're not Jewish or Muslim or Buddhist!!).

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 28/12/2010 19:59

Aside from it being awful for the poor tricked guy in question, as a veggie who has had 20 years of people subjecting me to the hilarity of trying to trick me into eating meat, this was a personal subject too.

OP posts:
littleducks · 28/12/2010 22:42

Oh ok, doesnt make it a better story though does it.....did he know you were veggie? was it a dig at you?

Was this man french? I have found that (mass overgeneralistion here) french waiters/food sellers of all forms are quite intolerant of vegetarianism.

Sounds like an odd story whatever the background though.

My dad was telling me that at an international work meeting in Germany there was a table of muslim representatives who were served ribs, they asked my dad wehat animal it was frrom and he replied he couldnt be certain but as it was white meat it was probably pork. Then someone else there tried to convince them that it was turkey ribs Hmm a very large turkey Hmm

So its not unheard of, in fact while typing this I am reminded of a work colleague who went on a midlife crisis trip to China and had the locals trying to trick her into eating horse and dog meat as they were convinced once she tried it she would like it

On second thoughts maybe i shouldnt be sharing this stories with a vegetarian Blush

Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 28/12/2010 23:12

littleducks - no, not a dig at me, he was just telling the story to a group of people standing around and I was part of the group. They were talking about work barbeques for some reason, and he launched into this story. Doubt he knew I'm veggie or Jewish for that matter. And he's not French, mostly expat Brits at the party.

He didn't bring the veggie angle into it, I did, since it has happened to me and I could fully sympathise with the guy he who was the butt of the joke.

OP posts:
ccpccp · 28/12/2010 23:13

"Sure. And in the case of racism, the time would be 'always' and the place would be 'anywhere'."

Only in your internet warrior dreams GrimmaTheNome.

Real life situations like this, when someone else is hosting an event and where there was no obvious offended party, are about tactfully showing disapproval without causing a scene or killing the conversation.

At worst, the storyteller has a serious case of cultural insensitivity, but more likely his muslim workmate was quite relaxed about this treatment and didnt take offence. AnnieLobeseder is more offended I think.

As usual.

Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 28/12/2010 23:14

Worrying to see it's common to just dismiss people's dietary preferences, be they religious or other moral reasons, as nonsense and just get them to eat stuff "cos they'll like it if they try it".

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 28/12/2010 23:17

ccpccp - as usual? Que?

So you think a Muslim would be relaxed about people sniggering behind his/her back as they were about to unknowingly eat pork?

Wow.

And btw, I did not cause a scene or kill the conversation. I just said that it wasn't funny or nice. FFS, were you there?

Ah well, been ages since I've had a proper personal attack...

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 28/12/2010 23:20

OOoooh, now I'm all riled up! And was about to go to bed too.

"no obvious offended party"? WTF? So because there were no Muslims present it was ok to laugh at their expense?

OP posts:
littleducks · 28/12/2010 23:20

id the muslim workmate eat the sausage? Because if he had it would be clear cut that he wasnt offended, but he didnt because he probably at best mildly irritated at having his religious food choices used for titillation at worst inwardly seething and feeling bullied by his colleagues.

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