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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried to tell people I'm pregnant with. No 3

45 replies

mummaxmas · 27/12/2010 15:29

I'm really worried to tell people, well my parents really, that I'm pregnant with baby no 3. I'm married with 2 boys 3 & 4 own our own home and financially stable, so I don't know why it's bothering me quite so much. When I told my mum we were planning she went crazy and said i was selfish and it would damage my children, I got over that, but now I'm pregnant I'm scared I'm a disappointment. I think I'm worried about her reaction and it making me doubt myself as a mother. Please help !

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 27/12/2010 15:33

It's none of your mother's bloody business, why she'd think it would damage your children I don't know.

Congratulations Xmas Smile

MorticiaAddams · 27/12/2010 15:36

I'm one of three and not damaged by it.

You are not a disappointment. If your mother is disappointed in some of your choices then so be it. I find it odd that you are so scared of your mother.

ledkrsbellyislikesantas · 27/12/2010 15:40

i felt the same when pg for 5th time this yr.
i dint need to as everyone was very pleased,she is coming in 5 wks and we cant wait.its your life/body/baby congrats x

NotEnoughTime · 27/12/2010 15:44

I feel really Sad for you that your Mum "went crazy" and said you were selfish for planning a third child.

I dont know why your Mum would think like that and its a shame BUT...... if you wanted three children and are now preganant with your third child then thats fantastic news-Congratulations!

Your Mum will just have to come to terms with it.

MumNWLondon · 27/12/2010 15:52

Wow, lovely news.

TBH I don't really understand her reaction - 3 isn't a particularly big family and its not as if you are financial dependent on her.

Wait until 12 weeks, tell her at the same time as your friends, and don't make a big deal of it.

TheParasiteofChristmasPast · 27/12/2010 15:53

don;t be ridiculous, congrats. you are v. lucky. tell your mother to shut up

SeaTrek · 27/12/2010 15:55

Strange reaction from your mum, considering your situation.

I wouldn't tell anyone until I started to show. One of my colleagues didn't tell anyone about either of her pregnancies (except her DH) until she was about 20 weeks.

shushpenfold · 27/12/2010 15:57

It took me a while to tell mine...the reaction was not great but past a few snidey comments from dm and dsis through the pg all was fine. (not nasty, just my family doing their usual thing of trying to organise everyone else into doing things their way...lovingly done) My dd2, now almost 6 is utterly and completely the apple of my mum's eye - strange how things happen!

ChippingIn · 27/12/2010 15:57

I wouldn't tell her.

Wait until she notices and when she asks why you didn't tell her just remind her of what she said when you told her you were trying.

Frankly, why you bother with her is beyond me. She might be your mother but she's not acting like a Mum.

Original poster
mummaxmas · 27/12/2010 15:58

Thanks guys, think I'll wait till after the 12 week scan as suggested and keep it casual. And try not to worry about it !!!

OP posts:
classydiva · 27/12/2010 16:00

Congratulations!

Your mother doesnt sound very nice at all.

She should be pleased for you.

Sparklyblue · 27/12/2010 16:08

How awful of your Mum. As other posters have said, it's none of her business.
I'm one of 4 children and i have 4 children myself. If it had damaged me having 3 siblings, I wouldn't have gone on to have 4 of my own.
Your mum is barking. Out of interest, how many children did your mum have, could she be jealous or something.
Congratulations by the way Xmas Grin

ledkrsbellyislikesantas · 27/12/2010 16:09

chipping-i did that with my dad,he is not very nice and refered to my mother as a "baby machine" on more than one occasion and is often derogatory about women,i dont see him much thank god but was concerned that he would be unimpressed with my 5th pg at 43.He has just found out and is sulking now cos im due in 5 wks,i told him i didnt like his attitude towards women so i didnt tell him.Haha that will learn him.

BubbaAndBump · 27/12/2010 16:09

Many congratulations - sorry you have to worry about your mother's reaction - that's just plain sad Sad. I am pg with #3 and my mum did laugh once (nicely) and say, "you do realise you've only got two hands though, don't you?!" (I'm one of three, so she speaks from experience!) Xmas Grin

Tbh, I got a lot of people telling me I was mad or asking me if it hd been an accident Xmas Hmm Xmas Shock when I told them I was pg with this one, but we are happy and my two DDs are excited. I'm even contemplating a fourth and hope you do if that's what you want...

scoobytoo · 27/12/2010 16:10

Do you rely on your parents for childcare or any financial help? If not, then it's no ones business.

lalalonglegs · 27/12/2010 16:19

I remember being apprehensive about telling people I was having (a very much wanted and planned) third child. I think two is so much the norm I felt as if I really had to justify a third especially as I had already pulled off the trick of having one of each. Yes, lots of people, including my mother, said that I was mad and why could I possibly want another one - I found it irritating but pointed out that I loved the children I had already so much that I could only imagine wanting more (not entirely true - four would kill me Grin). Three is a great number, it's not unmanageable and you will have a super time watching them interact together. Congratulations.

IAmReallyFabNow · 27/12/2010 16:21

Just a crazy thought, why not not tell anyone yet?

My MIL wasn't impressed when I said we might have more children. We took no notice of her at all.

Firawla · 27/12/2010 16:25

congratulations!!!
im expecting my 3rd too with 2 boys (mine are 1 and 2) and i was a bit worried about telling my mum and mil in a way because before they were always saying like space your kids out more, why do you have to rush into having them all at once, you cant fit them in your flat etc. but you may find that once you announce your news to them they will be more positive? cos like it's done now so too late for them to offer any "advice"? but if you really feel they will just be horrible then dont tell them anything til later, it will be their own fault.
as others have said if you dont rely on your mum for financial or child care it is not any of her business to criticise, you are an adult and it's your own choice. the only correct response really is just to say congratulations. anyway dont let this put a dampener on your pregnancy

pink4ever · 27/12/2010 16:26

I went through similiar when was pregnant with 3rd dc. No actual nasty remarks to my face(but I know there were loads behind my back!). Know MIL wasnt impressed(even though she had 3!) because she thinks I am popping out babies while her poor son has to work his arse off to pay for them.lol lol lol.

Dreya · 27/12/2010 16:33

I am sad and surprised to hear that some of you have felt worried about telling your good news. Especially to parents and in-laws who I would have thought would be the most thrilled for you. Who cares if nobody else is impressed?! It really isn't anyone elses business unless you are living under their roof perhaps.I agree with Firawla. The only correct response is to congratulate you. So, CONGRATULATIONS! I really hope they will be thrilled for you.

diddl · 27/12/2010 16:54

Congratulations OP!

How wierd of your Mum.

Well, don´t tell her-& when she notices & asks, tell her you said nothing as you thought she wouldn´t be interested!

amijee · 27/12/2010 16:58

My mum told me not to have any more as I was too old and I got pregnant accidentally ( 3rd child at 45)

I was more upset for myself rather than my mum but now I have a beautiful 6 month old and although i have pangs of regret when I am having a shitty time, overall it's great to see all the kids interacting.

makemineamojito · 27/12/2010 17:06

Congratulations and don't worry at all about what your Mum thinks. It's you and your partner who is going to be bringing them up, not her! Why do mothers think they can control their daughters even when they're grown adults? My mum is the opposite - she wants me to have no.3, but I'm happy to stop at two! Just as there's no way I'd have one more just because my Mum wants me to, you shouldn't feel you have to stop because she thinks two is enough! Don't be apologetic - you have made this decision so stand up for yourself. The best thing you can do is act as happy as possible about your new baby, get excited as a family about it and show that your boys will love having a new sibling.

HappyHECmanay · 27/12/2010 18:04

Congratulations.

If your mother is rude - tell her off!

Eglu · 27/12/2010 18:09

I know how you feel, I was like that recently telling my DM and MIL about our DC£. DH told MIL and her reaction was OMG! and to tell DH that he was too old to have any more. He is 42. My Mum was not as bad as I thought, but I knew before telling her that she doesn't agree with anyone having more than 2 DC. Not sure of her reasoning for this.