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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit squeamish about PIL's sleeping arrangements?

50 replies

parakeet · 26/12/2010 18:49

We have an impending visit to their house for several days. They have two guest rooms, so me and DH go in one, our two children in the other.

Unfortunately MIL and FIL have had a serious falling out for several months now - basically because FIL is an argumentative grumpy old sod and MIL is finally losing patience with him, and it appears they no longer share a bed. The last time we visited, I came downstairs in the morning (our children are very early risers) to find FIL sleeping on the couch. Once the children were rampaging round the living room he told me he was going upstairs to sleep in the children's double bed.

Our children's sleep can be a bit chaotic when we stay at theirs and I have a bad feeling there will come a point when they are sleeping in their double, and FIL will want to sleep in OUR guest room - i.e. the bed I sleep in. AIBU to flinch at this? And how on earth can I possibly say no?

OP posts:
RockinRobinBird · 26/12/2010 18:53

I don't think you can say no, it's their house and they will offer you whatever spare space they have to sleep in, surely. If they are no longer sharing a bed and therefore only have one spare room then they will offer you that spare room. It's what everyone else does. It's up to you to fit into wherever you're offered.

RockinRobinBird · 26/12/2010 18:54

And why squeamish btw?

jumpyjack · 26/12/2010 18:55

YANBU to flinch at the thought of it, but I don't think you can do anything in advance. It may not happen. Do you get on well with your MIL? Could you have a quiet word with her just checking they're happy with the sleeping arrangements?

Original poster
parakeet · 26/12/2010 18:55

Yes, but when you offer someone a bed for the night, you usually change the sheets beforehand. Just in case I didn't make myself clear, there will be no sheet-changing going on during this visit, I can guarantee that.

OP posts:
HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 26/12/2010 18:57

poor them Sad that their marriage is in trouble like this.

I don't think your sleeping arrangements are the most important thing here.

Take a couple of air mattresses and have the kids on the floor in the same room as you, leaving the other room free for your fil.

And see if they want some support / a listening ear.

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 26/12/2010 18:58

oh, x post. re sheets - take your own or ask "where are the sheets" and change them yourself. job done.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 26/12/2010 19:01

In efffect they only hve one guest room so agree, take airbeds and let kids sleep on those - or you sleep on one and put kids in the bed in the room you get. That way, PIL does not have to sleep on the couch.

Original poster
parakeet · 26/12/2010 19:01

What planet are you living on HecTheHalls? Why on earth would a couple in their sixties want to share their personal troubles with a woman about 25 years younger who they don't even know very well.

Our sleeping arrangements may not be the most important factor in the grand scheme of things but it's the only thing I have any control over - I certainly can't help them save their marriage (and I'm not so sure it would even be advisable even if I could).

OP posts:
oldandgreynow · 26/12/2010 19:02

I think it's wrong your kids are in a double bed whilst your FIL is on the couch.As the other poster said, put them in sleeping bags on your floor

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 26/12/2010 19:04

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought they were your inlaws so naturally assumed they were your husband's parents and so he knew them really well and as a couple you could reach out and offer them support.

My mistake.

AnyFuckerisFucked · 26/12/2010 19:04

just use one spare room, with your kids on air beds

then they can do what they like with the other

you sound a bit cold, tbh...let's hope your "squeamishness" doesn't add extra stress to an already disintegrating marriage Xmas Hmm

ivykaty44 · 26/12/2010 19:12

take a self inflating airbed in the car with you, then the dc sleep on that and MIl and FIl keep their own bedrooms and you don't feel worried

CarolSinger · 26/12/2010 19:13

Hmm I think I would feel a bit boak about FIL hopping into the bed and sleeping on the sheets that I had vacated but would be sleeping in that night.

Although I do feel sorry for any couple having relationship troubles.

Agree with suggestions of air beds on the floor for the DC, or you and your DH sleep on the sofa?

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 26/12/2010 19:15

I would be tempted to take put up beds for the kids and have them in your room with you. Tell the ILs that they arent sleeping well and they need to be in with you atm :)

curlymama · 26/12/2010 19:23

Bit of a harsh reply to Hec there OP Hmm

I would take a couple of spare flat sheets and pillowcases, and just put them over the top of the sheets they provide. Then hide them in your bag when you aren't using the room.

beachholiday · 26/12/2010 19:28

You're the guests. They are having all of you to stay for several days, and your FIL is willing to put up with spending the night on the couch to facilitate you.

It would be gracious to insist you do not need both spare rooms for your family so that he does not have to do that.

AnyFuckerisFucked · 26/12/2010 19:30

there is not a lot of graciousness in evidence here, tbh

Original poster
parakeet · 26/12/2010 19:30

Yes, lots of people have come up with a good solution, taking airbeds and sharing the children's room with them. Thanks all.

And sorry to quibble, HecTheHalls, but you didn't say "you and your DH could reach out to them as a couple". You said "you". Single.

I think you were trying to make the point that I was not sounding very sympathetic to their marital problems. And perhaps I'm not, but I have good reason.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerisFucked · 26/12/2010 19:33

ah, there is more to this then ?

Original poster
parakeet · 26/12/2010 19:35

Well like, I said, he is an argumentative grumpy old sod.

OP posts:
HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 26/12/2010 19:36

sorry to quibble but I didn't say you at all.

I said "And see if they want some support / a listening ear."

So if you are going to spit your dummy out because you're not hearing what you want to hear, make it at something I actually said.

MmeLindt · 26/12/2010 19:36

Parakeet
Hec offered good advice, based on your OP - I thought your reply was quite rude tbh.

Hope you manage to sort something out, sounds like a strained atmosphere to be visiting with them.

AnyFuckerisFucked · 26/12/2010 19:38

the visit sounds like a bad idea all round, tbh

you obviously don't want to go at all, and the timing (for them) is awful

why are you doing it ?

Original poster
parakeet · 26/12/2010 19:40

Hec - er...fair enough! You didn't use the word "you".

I still maintain it was implied though, as you didn't bring my DH into it. So the command, "See if they want..." sounds like you're talking directly to me, not to my DH.

OP posts:
Original poster
parakeet · 26/12/2010 19:41

AnyFucker, we cannot possibly get out of the visit, MIL would be distraught. This has been going on for months, and I can't see an end to it.

To be fair, they manage to be fairly civil to each other in front of us.

OP posts: