to feel a bit squeamish about PIL's sleeping arrangements?

[parakeet]

We have an impending visit to their house for several days. They have two guest rooms, so me and DH go in one, our two children in the other.

Unfortunately MIL and FIL have had a serious falling out for several months now - basically because FIL is an argumentative grumpy old sod and MIL is finally losing patience with him, and it appears they no longer share a bed. The last time we visited, I came downstairs in the morning (our children are very early risers) to find FIL sleeping on the couch. Once the children were rampaging round the living room he told me he was going upstairs to sleep in the children's double bed.

Our children's sleep can be a bit chaotic when we stay at theirs and I have a bad feeling there will come a point when they are sleeping in their double, and FIL will want to sleep in OUR guest room - i.e. the bed I sleep in. AIBU to flinch at this? And how on earth can I possibly say no?

sounds a bit crap though

OP ... I'd say stop digging re your comment to Hec.

YANBU to find the sheets thing a bit ick, though.

Re - getting out of it, there are a lot of people ill atm, could you say you/DH/DC have come down with something and would rather not pass it along?

Command? Yeah, I'm giving commands. Not responding to a thread that I thought was someone wanting advice.

No. I didn't say "you", how good of you to acknowledge that after initially quoting something I didn't actually say. I was talking to you though, that's true. I was under the impression you were the OP and I don't actually see your husband on the thread. However, saying that you could see if they want/need/would appreciate some support is not saying that you are the person to give the support if you aren't the best person to do so.

But you know, screw it. I'm just a stranger on the internet foolishly trying to help someone who it at first appeared was actually asking for opinions. You don't have to think my advice is worth listening to, it often isn't. But it was well meant and there was no need for your bitchy response to it. You want to attack me for not giving the required response that your pil are mad, bad and totally unreasonable, fair enough. I couldn't give a shit.

Oh lord, do we now have to qualify whether any proffered advice is directed solely to the actual MN member or to her extended family. That might lead to come convoluted disclaimers.

Re the OP. YABU. It is hardly the worst thing in the world. They are still united in having you to stay despite their marriage problems. The family will be together. Hec's suggestion has a good deal of merit.

Hec - oh calm down dear, it's only AIBU.

merry xmas to you too, OP

YABU - squeamish over sheets and bed sharing - get a grip prissy

Parakeet, is your continued rudeness to Hec and indication of your current stress level or an indication of your personality?

If the former, you need to step back and apologise to someone who offered good advice in good faith.

If the latter, your PILs are the least of your problems.

Are you sure they don't share a bed as their marriage is on the rocks? Perhaps the snoring got too much for him/her. Agree with those that say to ask about bringing air beds or whatever beforehand, they should be able to have separate beds if they so require without being embarassed.

well after the way you have responded to Hec, I hope you find poo crumbs in your bed there

ner ner ner

Poor hec was only trying to give some advice! You seem to have singled hec out to have a go and it doesn't make you look good at all! You need to rethink your responses as you have been very unreasonable to hec
Yes you are stressed but taking it out on well meaning people like hec is not nice

Last time I checked, "you" could be singular or plural?

I have some advice for you. Get some:

Perspective

and respect.

Ooh yes - the sheet thing would make me flinch too. I'd have to tell my parents how I feel about the sheet scenario, perhaps saying 'I know I might be coming across as neurotic but...' Some people don't have the 'sheet' phobia thing and can't understand why sharing cleanish sheets is a problem, particularly if it's family - but I can totally see where you are coming from.

I must say, I don't think YABU over the actual squeamishness, but there is an easy solution which has already been offered on the thread (having the kids in with you). I know it's probably irrational, but I get why it's a problem for you.

That said, there was no need for your rudeness to Hec, who was obviously trying to help you. Think perhaps a genuine apology is due there.

OP I think you've been really rude to hec and owe her an apology. Just do what the other posters have suggested and have the children in with you and give FIL his own space, then you won't have to deal with squeamishness re. sheets etc.

Yes I was a bit shocked at the Hec thing: her post was very pleasant!

poor fil having to sleep on the couch in his own house :(

put kids in the same room as you and fil have the normal spare bed he sleeps in

at christmas time, when extra people stay, you get squashed up/share bedrooms etc

i feel sorry for op dh,as his parents may spilt up

yabu

they might not have a row this time.
they might ahve sorted their differences.

deffo wouldn't want fil decamping to my room/bed when he fancied it. logistical nightmare really. plus finding a farty fil tucked up when you come out the shower IS yuck imo.
so would go with others and get a self inflating blow up double for kids.

everyone gets proper space. those cheapo self inflating ones are the mutts becuase you can so easily deflate for the day to save space to move around.

i should know i have spent most of xmas on one.

Cupcake, I am with you on the sheet thing. In our shared-but-a-but-rundown holiday cottage, DH's family will sleep in the things communally and serially until they are tinged with yellow and reminiscent of a medieval hostel, and it gives me an attack of the vapours every time.

Shudder!

Comments and suggestions here please