In laws sulking over 3 week old baby

[Renlovesyou]

Basically our LO is 3 weeks old today. He was low birth weight so Ive been BFing on demand. He has no routine yet and sometimes feeds for hours and with only an hour inbetween. Its only understandable, hes tiny and trying to beef up!

In laws were told when he was born that we didnt plan on going out xmas day, as feeding might be an issue - I cant take him round to see them only to end up sat with him feeding for hours in MILs bedroom. It wouldnt be fun for them, him or me and they'd still barely see him. He screams continuously and they usually just try and make him pose for photos...

They are more than welcome here, and we made that clear. I can feed in my own front room/bedroom then and baby might be more relaxed. SIL with 1 year old lives next door too, so its two birds, one stone for them.

Despite saying this over and over since he was born, today we've had tearful phonecalls, emotional blackmail and other tactics to try and make us go over there.

DPs younger sister and brother just came over to see us for a while which was totally fine. But if DPs mum is really so devastated not to see us on xmas day, why cant she come here? She could have come with SIL and BIL?

Aside from that, shes had 35 years of people going to her house, why cant she allow one year off because we have had a baby?

And to make such a fuss that she couldnt see us on the day after saying nothing for 3 weeks, and then to pass up a chance to see us, feels like its just a power play.

They are muslim btw, so xmas is not a major celebration for them.

AIBU to be totally totally annoyed and think that we'll have this for years to come. When my baby is 5 will they still expect us to tear him away from his presents just because they dont want to go out on xmas day?!

You need to stand your ground now so that it wont happen when the baby is 5. I have a three week old (looking cute in her bassinet right now!) so I know how the feeding can be. Good on you for persisting. It is hard but I'm sure, like me, you get a kick out of seeing how well the baby is doing on your milk.

Congratulations!

YANBU. Sounds like your PIL are playing power games. Of course the new baby's needs should come first. If they have refused to visit you, so be it. But don't feel guilty or heaven forbid, give in, this is the first test of many more to come!

Oh FFS they are totally playing you. Don't allow it, stick to your guns. Congratulations and happy Christmas

Agree with other posters. YANBU.
Now is the time to stand your ground... make your position re your DS clear from day one (or day 21, actually).

YANBU. Totally unreasonable of them to put on the guilt trip when you have your hands full. Absolutely agree that you should stand your ground. In my experience some adults can become very needy when you have a new baby.

You've given them a very reasonable alternative. It's their problem. Try not to give it anymore thought- you need all your energy for demand BF

Blimey,what does she expect? Dd is 4.5mo old and still bf on demand,hard work? Do you feel you need to tuck yourself away or is it family pressure? What is her objection to coming to you? V odd.

Has anyone ever said to them that it sounds like they are playing power games? It would be interesting to see their reaction. Would it be worse than their current behaviour?

DP agrees its selfish, but he obviously doesnt like hearing his mum cry and getting guilt trip texts from all the others. So he's trying to appease everyone.

She cant come to us because shes cooking dinner (all day??? and theres about 6 of them there, are they telling me no one can watch an oven for an hour?) But my sons eating HIS dinner and thats my priority!

I think it is truly unbelievable how many parents still expect their adult children to always go to their houses at Christmas. This is regardless of how much more difficult it is for 2 adults plus small children to travel and be away from home than for the two elder adults. I have so many friends who have to package up 2 or 3 dcs and travel the country to stay with GP's who are fixated with still being the 'family home'.

I am so lucky that my own parents recognise that I may want my family to be in our own home at least some of the time and so they will come to us. Though this year it is just me, dh and dc's - pure bliss!

My partner's mum has phoned him twice so far, despite us explaining that we have no money to travel and see them. She visited us last week (it's about a four-hour drive) and sat crying, asking him to come back with her in the car and stay for Christmas.

I look forward to becoming this possessive and crazy when I have kids.

Use this as the first Chistmas to start your own traditions as a family together. Have quitely made my own stance on this one since I refuse to spend days grinding my teeth.

You have my sympathy, we have a similar situation. Think you / I / we have grit our teeth and stick to what we know is best, namely a happy well fed baby. Dolls are for dressing up and taking pictures, small hungry babies are not

They sound awful.

Perhaps you need to tell them now that you intend to have next Christmas just the three of you!

Once we had children, Christmas Day was for us & Boxing Day for visitors.

YANBU I'd book a holiday for next Christmas and tell them make a point that they don't have a 'right' to see you over Christmas. But then I have an evil streek.

Agree stand your ground. The way they are treating you is appauling- the crying thing was my MIL's speciality, the tantruming. I agree with what another poster has said and I treat my PIL like errant toddlers. Sounds awful doesn't it?

I can only give advice based on my own situation which sounds identical to 7 years ago in my case but my mistake was to be led by my dh and we caved in to my PIL's emotional blackmail/demands/patheitc requests.

What a stupid mistake. If I could rewind time I would do exactly as other posters have wisely said. Be firm, fair, civil. Let them know exactly what to expect from you and yes bugger off next year so they get the measure of you. I didn't stand my ground until 2 years ago and although they still cannot stand me. They know not to dare try any nonsence. It is heavenly

Perhaps it is custom to display the new baby to all the relatives - your MIL is under this pressure. But stand firm that the baby's wellbeing must come first.

the baby comes 1st, and tbh the thought of going out on xmas day doesn't even cross my mind.

it's an offical pj day here (unless i have to work)

YANBU, when you've got a practically newborn baby, his needs and yours come before anyone else's, and your ILs just need to get used to that. Like you said, if they're so 'devastated' by not seeing you, why don't they come to you?

Stand your ground, this year and every year to come, they're the ones being unreasonable.

Your needs and babys needs have to come first. They are being very demanding and selfish!

yanbu they are being ridiculous, the crying down the phone etc is just manipulation

Oh blimey, how ridiculous. I don't post much on IL threads as I usually feel a bit for the older generation, but this is just silly of your PILs. Perhaps if your MIL starts crying, you could say 'Ah, sorry that you feel so bad, listen, the baby's crying too' and put the phone by the baby's head, then the needy helpless baby and the needy 'helpless' adult can entertain each other while you drink some tea. HTH.

YOu have absolutely done the right thing in prioritising your little baby and your need to have time in your own home three weeks in (and to make a stand). Don't feel bad for her, it's her choice to weep and wail.

:) @ maktaitai