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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think FIL and SMIL are being bloody rude??

37 replies

HMTheQueen · 24/12/2010 22:10

Ok, so last night I spent most of the evening sorting out the front/spare room and making the (quite expensive) sofa bed up so that Fil and SMil have a nice room to sleep in ove the xmas break.

Tonight they arrive and they promptly fold the sofa bed away and begin the pump up their own double mattress.

In fairness, the sofabed is not quite a double (just a little smaller than a double) but I think it is fucking rude to put the bed away (upon which I had laid towels and made up with lovely linen) and blow up their own - especially when they are only staying for 2 nights and then going home...

AIBU to think they are being unbelievably rude to do bring their own blow up bed when a perfectly adequate (and actually very comforatble) alternative was waiting for them???

OP posts:
YuleTideD0G · 24/12/2010 22:13

Wouldn't bother me tbh.

However, I would never have the inlaws to stay Xmas Grin

lal123 · 24/12/2010 22:14

wouldn't bother me either. MIL is here for the night on our sofa bed - though her wee dog will be in with us

Weegle · 24/12/2010 22:15

YABU - there is no way 2 adults could sleep comfortably for 2 nights on a 'not quite double'... I think it makes sense for them. But not quite sure why it wasn't communicated in advance "don't worry about making up the bed, we'll bring our airbed to be more comfy"... you do want them to be comfy, get some sleep, and therefore not grouchy afterall...

stickersarecurrency · 24/12/2010 22:17

I think it's rude, but I wouldn't care. Next time tell them to bring their own linen too!

JellyBelly10 · 24/12/2010 22:18

My mum used to bring a sleeping bag and sleep inside it whenever she stayed in our spare bed...as if she didn't like to sleep in our sheets Confused and my dad always cleans and polishes the glasses and plates in my house when he is going to use one, and I absolutely swear to you that they are perfectly clean! And when they go to my sister's house they tend to take all their own food as I don't think they trust my sister (who is in her 40s and perfectly capable of shopping for food!)to buy anything decent! Old people! They don't mean to be rude...they're just old! Maybe your FIL and SMIL had just bought the blow-up bed and were proud of it and "didn't want to be any bother" so thought you'd be pleased they ahdn't dirtied your sheets...??

littleducks · 24/12/2010 22:22

I dont think they are being rude

JoBettany · 24/12/2010 22:25

I don't see what the problem is either.

Original poster
HMTheQueen · 24/12/2010 22:28

I can totally see the point of view about they want to be comforatble... but why not tell me before I spent ages getting the room into a decent state with linen and towels. Or maybe tell me after the last 1/2 dozen times they've slept on the sofa bed that it's not comforatble.

I think I'm irrirtated about the whole "I'll just put the sofabed away while you are busy... and not mention it to you" scenario.

I don't mind tham wanting to be comfortable... I just dislike their way of doing it....

OP posts:
Original poster
HMTheQueen · 24/12/2010 22:29

oh and they're not old. Fil will be 60 nest year and SMIl is only 45.

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 24/12/2010 22:29

the only bit that would annoy me is that they didn't tell you beforehand that they would be bringing their own bed so you wouldn't go to any bother. it wouldn't bother me that they bring their own bed, just that they didn't give you a courtesy call to save you teh effort for nothing.

i am a bit focused on letting people know things at the minutes as my mum invited my EXp for xmas dinner so he could be with the dcs, he accepted weeks and weeks ago. about a fortnight ago she asked me to confirm with him so that she bought enough food. me, dad and the dcs dont eat turkey so she just bought two portions for herself and EXp (gave him choice of turkey or sirloin) and when i asked him this evening what time he would be coming out to mum's he said he wasn't, he had changed his mind. i was pretty angry tbh. i had to calm down and then phone mum to let her know not to put any cook anything for him. he could have let her know.

Original poster
HMTheQueen · 24/12/2010 22:30

and they're still using my sheets/duvet... so not saving me any washing or anything...

OP posts:
Original poster
HMTheQueen · 24/12/2010 22:32

yes, you're right Boo - it's the fact that I spent last night sorting to room out and it couldn't have mattered less to them... I could have spent that time wrapping presents... which is what I'm doing now... grrrrrrrr

OP posts:
thenightsky · 24/12/2010 22:34

Not rude at all. We have a lovely aerobed thing which is way more comfortable than a sort of slighly less than double sofa bed.

If they didn't pre-warn you they were bringing it is a bit off though.... not rude exactly, more sort of ooops sorry but we will be ok sort of thing.

sorry if that makes no sense due to cava

ravenAK · 24/12/2010 22:35

They might've mentioned it, I suppose - 'Oh sorry, we forgot to say we'd be bringing our blow up bed, so no need to make up a bed for us - do you mind if we use it, we're used to it & find it comfortable, & it's a bit wider?'

Saying that, my dps once re-organised an entire spare room to their liking - the double bed was in one corner - mum & dad didn't fancy climbing over each other to go to the loo, so swapped bed for wardrobe, wardrobe for bookshelves, & so on round...all at midnight & without asking for help, because they didn't want to put me or dh out.

Maybe this was similar - they knew they wouldn't be comfortable, but felt diffident about actually mentioning it?

upahill · 24/12/2010 22:38

Not rude.
Let it go.

Lardycake · 24/12/2010 22:39

It's not worth the energy of being angry about it. You are probably tired, and will not feel so angry after a good sleep. Maybe they were too embarrassed to discuss it with you, or are not the discussing type. Your FIL, as you say, is past his first youth, and probably just wants to be comfortable. Having family is stressful enough at Christmas without making mountains out of molehills.

Original poster
HMTheQueen · 24/12/2010 22:40

Yoiu could be right Raven...but it's not like they're th shy retiring type who don't speak their minds.... Maybe I have had a little too much wine (and too little sleep) to be so accomodating???

Right, I'll sleep of my wine and deal with it (or not as the case may be) tomorrow..

Thanks for the reality check... I blame the wine for overreactin!!

OP posts:
ShanahansRevenge · 24/12/2010 22:41

YABU...they're family. They prefer their own bed...its not a slight! But Happy Christmas to you!

Original poster
HMTheQueen · 24/12/2010 22:41

Cross post - Lardycake... you're right... of to bed with me!!

OP posts:
upahill · 24/12/2010 22:43

I do hope you let it go HM.

Honestly, it's not worth having 'words' about.

supersalstrawberry · 24/12/2010 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ravenAK · 24/12/2010 22:48

If nothing else, next time you can just ask them when the visit is arranged if they want the sofabed made up - might save you a job!

SkyBluePearl · 24/12/2010 23:10

It's really not rude - they are just doing what they can to get a good nights sleep in a different environment.

I usually take my own feather pillows for me and blackout material for the room where the boys are. We would sleep badly without.

atswimtwolengths · 24/12/2010 23:13

Have they slept in the sofa bed before?

lal123 · 24/12/2010 23:22

We've been on the sofa bed at my Mum's before - how I wish we'd packed a blow-up bed! In the grand scheme of things is this worth BU about?