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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have screamed and cried during labour?!

57 replies

jinglebelly · 24/12/2010 20:45

Had DS3 2 weeks ago and when I got to 9-10 cm found the pain unbearable, I was in floods of tears and screaming through the contractions, have just watched a woman on one born every minute have a practically silent birth!

OP posts:

Pantofino · 24/12/2010 22:44

YANBU. I spent two weeks on the ante natal ward, right next to the delivery suite. There was plenty of screaming going on. And then in the morning I would meet the "screamers" and admire the new babies over tea and toast.

I took this all very calmly as I was, at that time, awaiting a planned CS. It probably would have put the fear of God in me otherwise

teenyweenytadpole · 24/12/2010 22:47

Me also very quiet. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though! I scream like a banshee if I stub my toe, but with something like this I just wanted to turn inside myself, that was my way of dealing with it. But whatever, we each have our own way.

Carrotsandcelery · 24/12/2010 22:55

YANBU - it hurts - a lot!
I was very very very quiet - I was so quiet I freaked my dh out. I am not normally at all quiet.
DH and midwives struggled to "make contact" with me - I am mortified when I think about it. I could hear them talking to me but it was like I was in my own little bubble and I couldn't respond. It was the only way I could cope with the pain.
I think anything and everything goes. My mum kicked the midwife when my brother was born and she is the most gentle, calm lady.

FellatioNelson · 24/12/2010 23:01

Er, YADefNBU, and I'm with NeverEatYellowSnow - all except for the puking

I am very distrustful of people who have silent swear-free labours without epidural or general anaesthetic.

Iwasthefourthwiseman · 24/12/2010 23:08

I didn't scream but growled a lot. No swearing the second time surprisingly, just kept telling the midwife I was too scared to push. And even though it is fucking agony I didn't cry, it didn't seem to be a 'crying' pain to me.

WittyNickname · 24/12/2010 23:45

did you have the chance to opt for pain relief before....

CardyMow · 24/12/2010 23:54

First labour with DD I whinged rather than screamed, and kept asking to go home and come back tomorrow as I'd had enough. . In my defence, I was only 16yo.

Second labour with DS1 I screamed, swore, cursed, and even told a male MW that I didn't care if he was a trained monkey if he could rip this fucking baby out of me. (B2B baby with his hand on his head, that was still like that when he eventually came out after a 72 hr labour )

Third labour with DS2 (DP's first baby)...I was laughing and joking the whole way through, until he crowned and then I turned round to DP and said "Did you know this hurts like someone is holding a fucking lighter to my fanny?" But not one scream.

Ths time round, I am not expecting to be quite so quiet, and have warned DP that he's unlikely to get away so lightly this time, as this baby is another B2B, and the docs think he will be 9-10lb! (my biggest was DS2 at 8lb2oz)

PenelopeTitsDropped · 25/12/2010 01:32

I was very quiet; and went "within myself". It was an entirely "natural" labour.

Choice initially; but not after the first 30 hours. I held the lovely lady anaesthetist by her throat when she wouldn't give me anything.

Throughout, I whispered/breathed, said (very quietly) "Nastursiums"; repeatedly.

I don't understand it, I have no explanation.It wasn't in my birth plan. I quite like nasturiums but not greatly.

Abcinthia · 25/12/2010 12:33

No YANBU at all!

What I found to be unreasonable was that I screamed once and the midwife told me to shut up incase I disturbed the other mothers! I was in such agony due to it being a fast labour, so they couldn't give me any drugs (and the gas and air made no difference to me). I didn't even get anything before being stitched up (I didn't know I could have asked for something before they started stitching!), so I just wept uncontrollably.

merryberry · 25/12/2010 12:43

I recited the rosary for hours with ds1, despite not knowing i knew it and also coming from a quaker family, while maintaining dyed in the wool atheism myself. have figured it out since to be the only thing that summed up for me the need to feel i could do it like other women before me, and that it was scary and life and death, yes.

NinkyNonker · 25/12/2010 13:09

All the way thru my back to back (ending in epidural,epistiotomy and quick forceps due to star gazing dd) labour I was ridiculously polite,no screaming,but I did keep saying "I can't do it any more" and "it hurts" to dh with every contraction. He was expecting much worse! But cause she got so distressed I never got to the pushing,ring of fire stage so that's prob why!

DrSeuss · 25/12/2010 13:10

Say anything you damn well like. It f-ing hurts! Better than doing like I did and trying not to make a fuss so that no one believes you are really in labour!

TiredofTinsel · 25/12/2010 13:50

I couldn't even begin to describe the noise I made in the last hour or so of labour, it isn't a sound I could replicate now! Was quite surprised I didn't feel the need to swear at DH though!

Ray81 · 25/12/2010 14:03

With DD1 8 yrs i just swore alot and kept asking to go home.32 hr labour

With DD2 7 months i made the most god awful noice everytime i breathed out and also cried when i got to transition as i was convinced i couldnt do it. I also Bit my DH on the arm quite alot and kept apologising afterwards but then did it again and again.

So YANBU we all have our way of coping with labour.

ToysRLuv · 25/12/2010 14:31

While calmly waiting (reading gossip magazines :)) in the Labour ward (barely had contractions, but had meconium in burst waters, so was kept in the ward), woman in the labour room next to mine was screaming like that. Scared the hell out of me. Luckily DS was found to be a breach and doctor recommended C-section. I was so relived, I just said "yes, yes, yes, get on with it!" (tried not to sound too happy, though). No screaming for me (at least not in labour, thank you!).

cluelessnchaos · 25/12/2010 14:45

I couldn't have made a noise if you paid me. In fact the only way I would have uttered a word is if you told me it would stop the pain or to tell you to give me back the gas and air

YunoYurbubson · 25/12/2010 14:45

I whimpered like a mouse. It was all a bit Mavis from Corrie.

YANBU to have roared like a POWERFUL WOMAN.

PolkaDotRudolf · 25/12/2010 14:56

I cried at the end when I was overcome with emotion but during actual labour I was very quiet. I also go very quiet when I am scared.

diddl · 25/12/2010 15:24

My MW was quite religious & I remember saying "fucking hell that hurts"-& apologising to her

With the 2nd MW told me not to waste energy by screaming & although it pissed me off, surprisingly it hurt less whenI stopped!

bishboschone · 25/12/2010 15:39

I watched a programme the other day (16 and pregnant, if relevant) and the girl had an epidural and although obviously straining she didn't look like she was in pain. I had a horrendous birth with dd and consequently have waited 7 years to have another (9weeks pregnant) . I am going to see the consultant as I WANT a birth like hers. I don't want to be a hero , just get it out with it hurting!

I wonder though was she a scientologist? don't they HAVE to birth silently so as not to damage the new babies soul or something

MrsNonSmoker · 25/12/2010 23:38

DD2 I was in on off labour for a week, I had a tens machine on all that time so by the time I really was in full labour it was pretty useless anyway. Finally, when I got to the delivery suite it fell off in the toilet and smashed. So then I had an epidural.

BTW even with the tens machine on, when I arrived at hospital I was screaming so much they sent a special team to the foyer as they thought I was going to deliver there and then. In fact it was a CS 16 hours later. Anyway, I'm all for screaming. Keeps your DH or DP awake and alert.

RobynLou · 25/12/2010 23:43

I was asked to be quiet as I was upsetting the other women on the ward (none of whom seemed to be in labour)

Tryharder · 26/12/2010 00:02

I was deathly silent when DD was born (no pain relief). I had epidurals with DS1 and DS2 so doesn't count. I dunno - it was agony but it made me go into myself - I even went into the bathroom at one point so I didn;t have to listen to my mum telling the midwife about her births (she has done that at everyone of my births - it is so fucking annoying). I think I even apologised to the midwife when I pooed myself.

EdgarAleNPie · 26/12/2010 00:09

YANBU...did you ever see that Mythbusters where they found swearing loudly helped you to bear pain better?

greenbananas · 26/12/2010 00:18

YANBU. As outrageous so wisely said, We are all awesome, and should be proud of ourselves and each other however we happen to land our little ones in the world.

I sympathise with women who scream and almost admire them for being so uninhibited. I was a silent labourer myself. In the early stages, when I could still just about communicate, I was extremely mean to poor DH and kicked him out the room because he kept trying to talk to me and rub my back etc. The midwives wouldn't let him back in and he nearly went insane with worry about me and the baby

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