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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have refused my 24 yr old son a lift- sorry bit long.

44 replies

purplepeony · 24/12/2010 18:14

after he swore at me?

Not having a good day. DH is in bed with flu as of last night- feeling awful. he drove 300 miles round trip to bring DD home from uni.
I am fighting it off.

Was awake at 5.30am, then I went to Waitrose to collect turkey etc & shop at 8am.

left it in car as I am not supposed to lift heavy weights after a gynae op. and got shop to take to car for me.
Son comes home around 2pm and for the last 3 hours i asked him roughly once an hour if he would kindly bring in turkey for me.

He had also asked for a lift out tonight- I agreed but had already refused same for DD - I just don't feel up to it- we live in a rural village - all dark single track roads. (She is being picked up by friend)

anyway, I said I would take DS as he wanted to go by 4.30. I asked again for him to bring turkey in PLEASE. he said it could stay there all night and be fine- but said he would get it "in a minute" - this was 3 hrs after first asking. I got a bit mad and said please do it now- sick of waitng as I needed to clear fridge and see what would fit once turkey was in.

he told me to piss off. I said no lift.
I said I would take him if he apologised.

He has made his own way there now- he will collect his car tomorrow as he has a lift home. as he left I said he could have had alift if he had apologised. But his parting shot was I was a horrible person and totally unreasonable for shouting at him " for no reason" and can't I see I'm in the wrong?Xmas Hmm

I am fed up.

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 24/12/2010 18:17

hes 24,he needs to grow up!

jesusthisstableiscrowded · 24/12/2010 18:17

HE'S 24!!!!!???? FFS - he needs to grow up!!

Tortington · 24/12/2010 18:18

erm. no

jesusthisstableiscrowded · 24/12/2010 18:18

ha ha! great minds! Xmas Grin

SeaTrek · 24/12/2010 18:19
Xmas Sad

YANBU

That was appalling behaviour from a grown man. I would be furious.

I really hope he apologises later. He certainly needs to.

purplepeony · 24/12/2010 18:19

agreed. so please tell me I am not a horrible person for managing the house and Xmas all onmy own from 5.30 am and nursing a sick DH and doing all the trimmings, and lighting the fire....etc etc.

why does he try this emotional blackmail/manipulation- that's what it is isn't it?

Whaaaaaa!

OP posts:
jasper · 24/12/2010 18:20

you were NOT in the wrong. He was

Pantofino · 24/12/2010 18:20

He has a car? Lazy fecker!

jesusthisstableiscrowded · 24/12/2010 18:20

actually, my inclination would be to say to tomorrow 'i dont feel well, the turkey is in the car, if you would care to get it out and cook it'

mousesma · 24/12/2010 18:20

I'd expect this behaviour from a teen not a 24 year old adult. If he is in your house and wants you to do him a favour the least he can do is help you when you ask him to instead of fobbing you off.

Don't let this ruin your evening you've done nothing wrong!

purplepeony · 24/12/2010 18:22

he will never apolgise. we have had this for 24 years.

he always tries to make out I am mad, in the wrong, and now he says that I have dementia.

Now that DD is home he tries to set her against me by saying wasn't I unreasonable ( about the turkey request). and that I shouted at him FOR NO REASON.

No- oh you must be stressed mum with dad ill- is there anything I can do. No.

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 24/12/2010 18:24

You want to tell him tomorrow that there is no Xmas dinner as the turkey is frozen solid. How dare he speak to his mother like that. If he lives with you I'd be having a serious conversation about how you don't need someone who talks to you like that living in your house.

GettinganIcyGrip · 24/12/2010 18:25

Good god I have this nonsense with my 18 year old! If he is still like this at 24 I think I will jump off a bridge now.

Of course YANBU

jesusthisstableiscrowded · 24/12/2010 18:26

frankly i would now be totally 'demented' and tell him to pack his bags! - he is 24, a grown man and its time he looked after himself!

purplepidjbauble · 24/12/2010 18:26

He's old enough to know better.

Lock him out and leave the phone number for a hotel taped to the door.

Do NOT leave money, food etc for him.

He is an adult and it's about bloody time he acted like it. Pandering to him, while it may give you a quiet life, does not help. If you love him, you will discipline him for this behaviour.

BTW I'm 29 and wouldn't dream of treating anyone like this, particularly my parents.

GettinganIcyGrip · 24/12/2010 18:27

And what does your DH do when he speaks to you like this? My exH used to encourage this treatment of me by my son. It has improved quite a lot since I left my exH, but it deos still rear its head sometimes.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 24/12/2010 18:29

this - aimed at teenagers, relevant here, I think.

SantasENormaSnob · 24/12/2010 18:31

He is an arse.

diddl · 24/12/2010 18:31

That is disgusting.

He wouldn´t be having anything to eat unless he did most all of the prep & cooking.

Even my teenagers know that they have to get off their arses & help when they want things doing!

catinthehat2 · 24/12/2010 18:33

Get rid of him.

Imagine this in 10, 20 years time. You getting older & more feeble, him getting to be more of a tyrant

GRow a pair and get shot.

Goblinchild · 24/12/2010 18:37

Does he live with you?

SixtyFootDoll · 24/12/2010 18:39

24 yrs old?

What an ignorant pig he is. No wonder he is spending Xmas with his parents cant see anyoen else putting up with such behaviour.

verytellytubby · 24/12/2010 18:39

He's 24 not 14. Rude ungrateful sod.

(I was married at his age!).

IAmReallyFabNow · 24/12/2010 18:41

YWNBU.

Your son is very disrespectful. DO NOT bring the turkey in yourself, especially when told not to lift heavy things.

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 24/12/2010 18:41

He's 24 yrs old.

He's abusive to you.

Why exactly have you not kicked his nasty arse out of your house?

You are allowing him to treat you like this. Why?

You do know that by allowing him to treat you like this, you are teaching him to treat any future wife / girlfriend like this?

Yet another woman destined for an abusive relationship.

Please act.