To think this is passive aggressive?

[talkingnonsense]

Ok really sorry if this is long but I am so angry! Last week we sent out Xmas cards to family, and my husband rang his mum to ask for a couple of addresses where relatives have moved, we also obviously sent a card to her! Today He gets a text from her saying "have you given up sending Xmas cards I never received one". She knows we were doing cards, and she is in Scotland where post has probably been delayed because of the weather.
Background is probably that she is spending Xmas with BIL and expected us ( without actually inviting us) to travel to his flat ( over an hours drive) with 2 ds's and dog to spend boxing day there. We have done this before and the ds's have gong on an amusement park and we went out for pizza, all v nice but this year the dog is new and clearly can't go in the park or cafe. We invited her to us ( and bIL has only visited us once in 7 years, he is single we have visited him lots), and apparently it is too difficult for them, and I got an email although her conversations were with dh, saying the dog would have loved it! ( loved what exactly? The car?). Anyway dh says ihbu to tell her exactly what he thinks ie she is a cow! Thanks for reading sorry so long!

talkingnonsense, my MIL is a bit like that too. No big deal. You have to expect it before it comes, then it is not a shock.

I suppose so but I feel so sad for dh, he can never please her.

It takes all sorts. What she says is not what she means.

I've got to a point with my mil now, where when she says and does something pointed I mostly ignore it (although sometimes she catches me offguard and gets the reaction she's looking for ). She never goes anywhere or does anything, so I can imagine her sitting at home stewing and working herself up over things that are entirely a creation of her own imagination!

If your dp is devastated by the text, it really does sound like there's a bit more to it. From his side I mean. Must have touched a nerve in some way, because even if she wasn't entirely innocent, her text wasn't that bad.

Definitely touched a nerve, she often gives appearance of favouring bil, tends to run dh down in comparison, compares our ds's when good to bil, when not to dh; that type of thing.

The text about the card is her implying that you don't think about her enough (even though she knows you did send a card) and the way to make it up to her is to come over to BIL's and the dog would love it. A bit of blackmail for a valid reason. Nothing to be upset about.

I guess you are right claig but dh finds it very hard. Also I get one text, he gets another so it doesn't seem too bad till you see it altogether

Thanks everyone for reading I am going to take animulas advice and go and bath, will read again in the morning when we are all calm and sober and take all your points on board, thank you.

Do you think she worries more about bil? People are so weird, that it might even be coming from a place of thinking your dh has it all, and then feeling guilty that she might, secretly, find dh the easier, less worrying child, so overcompensate ....

On reflection, people are so strange that it's probably best not to think about it at all, and just aim to let as much wash over you as possible.

As claig says, it takes all types, she probably doesn't intend the half of it, but it all comes out a bit strangely.

Families are hard work, aren't they!

DH should understand that MIL doesn't really favour BIL. She only gives extra attention and praise to BIL because he needs it more than DH.

Like button talkings last post ;)

I think animula is right. She gives extra care to BIL to compensate. She knows DH is luckier with you and grandchildren, so she compensates by helping BIL more.

Thank you everyone those last points certainly make it seem easier to deal with, I will tell dh he is clearly the lucky lovely one- officially from mumsnet!