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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate my partner calling me "mummy"

35 replies

lochnessmumster · 23/12/2010 18:41

Not in a wierd sexual way but if the kids are about he calls me mummy just like they do.
It makes my skin crawl and what's worse is he does it in public!
I have told him not to but it's such a habit now, he can't help himself.
He doesn't see anything creepy in it.
AIBU?

OP posts:
singingcat · 23/12/2010 18:43

Does he call you 'mummy' directly?

Or does he say 'I don't know, ask mummy'?

Latter is alright, former definitely not!!

Shallishanti · 23/12/2010 18:43

YANBU

singingcat · 23/12/2010 18:43

meaning does he say 'I don't know, ask mummy' to the children?

lia66 · 23/12/2010 18:43

God I hate this, you are not his mummy, if Dh does it I remind him loudly of this fact.

I have to say I think it encourages people top lose their identity as partners and lovers together when they start this, although I do know people do it and it seems to work for them.

YANBU imo. Xmas Smile

magicmummy1 · 23/12/2010 18:44

what singingcat said. If he says it to the kids when talking about you, YABU. If he says it to you directly, then YANBU.

Annya · 23/12/2010 18:46

Not at all! My dad does this with my mum, he'll say' oh mummy saw a lovely picture the other day' (or whatever) and it makes me cringe. 'Your mum' would be so much better. And I have to say my own DP has called me mummy on occasions since we've had DS. Oddly, he can't bear the way my Dad uses it so you'd have thought he'd have been less keen to 'mummy' me. Yuck.

Original poster
lochnessmumster · 23/12/2010 18:49

He says it directly to me!
For example "mummy, what time is it?"
Only when the wee one's are about but still, Aaaaaargh!

OP posts:
MsKLo · 23/12/2010 18:55

My DH has to call me mummy in front of dc otherwise they start calling me by my name the cheeky monkeys!

claig · 23/12/2010 18:57

YANBU

MrsMustardSeed · 23/12/2010 18:59

Yeeuch!! OP this needs nipping in the bud, seriously. Tell him you are not his mummy and explain when there are no little ears in earshot that you want to feel desirable and like his lover not a mother figure.

Also, I strongly think the indirect (shall we see what mum/mummy thinks) needs to stop at a certain age too. I think DH and I stopped when the youngest was about 7. At first, DS would pipe up "he's dad, not Andy" but I think he's got the hang of it now (to you he's dad, to me he's Andy). Seriously, you need to start claiming your relationship back at some point, otherwise one day they will have left home and if your only identity is as mum, you're going to wonder what to do with one another!

scouserabroad · 23/12/2010 19:01

YANBU

Dh never calls me Mummy, but my actual Mum does sometimes which is Shock Grin

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 23/12/2010 19:03

Don't answer. If he presses, say "sorry. You said 'Mummy' and since I am not your mother, I did not think you were talking to me"

I think that refusing to engage is the only way. No response when he calls you mummy.

I say "ask your dad" and stuff like that. And if the kids have been trying to talk to him and he's not heard, I'll yell "DAD!" in a pissed off tone Grin but other than that, no. I think it's daft. Once they are past the age where they are learning what to call you, that is.

Original poster
lochnessmumster · 23/12/2010 19:05

MrsMustardSeed - you are so right! That's exactly what i tell him.

Do you think it's relavent that he's 30 and still calls his own mother mummy?
Aaargh, it makes my skin crawl just typing that!

OP posts:
MickyLee · 23/12/2010 19:06

Oh noooo, don't say that, I can my DH 'Daddy' all the time in front of DC ( but they are 1 and 3) Won't once thay get older.

Firawla · 23/12/2010 19:07

yadnbu i hate this, if my dh ever does it by mistake i always tell him to make sure it doesn't happen again. but i may be weird as i even prefer "mum" than "mummy" from my dc, as i just dont like the word.

nurseblade · 23/12/2010 19:14

At what age should it be stopped? I call my DP 'daddy' in front of my DSD(4)

harecare · 23/12/2010 19:14

If you don't like it tell him not to. It's not unreasonable, although if your skin crawls maybe you just need to chill out. Me and DP generally call each other Mummy and Daddy when the children (1 and 3) are about, although if I am asking him something not related to them when they are about I use his name.

MrsMustardSeed · 23/12/2010 19:35

Well the fact he calls his own mum "mummy" (and she never put a stop to it) adds another level of yuk to it if you ask me! Like deckthehalls idea of not responding: isn't it good when a method for children works on adults too? (remembers back to the days of saying "mummy can't understand your whiny voice little mustard seed" lol) although you may not want to employ these techniques TOO often with a man who calls you mummy!!!

geisha · 23/12/2010 19:37

My dh does this and I hate it. YANBU!

cupcakebakerer · 23/12/2010 19:37

A bit off topic but my husband's parent's sometimes call each other mum and dad which makes me feel a bit sick considering my husband is now 30...It could be my weird broken-homed upbringing though and I'm the odd one!

cupcakebakerer · 23/12/2010 19:38
  • parents
FrostyAndSlippery · 23/12/2010 19:41

I don't see the problem if it's in front of the DCs. DH is perfectly capable of differentiating between me as the mother of his children and his wife :)

putthekettleon · 23/12/2010 21:13

When my DH does this - eg 'does mummy want a cup of tea?' I say 'I don't know, why don't you call her and ask her?' He usually only does it in front of the kids, but I hate it!

JodiesMummy · 23/12/2010 21:15

my DH does this - I like it. It refers to me as the "Boss" in my opinion!

TyraG · 23/12/2010 22:19

MsKLo mine are the same way. LOL...little boogers.