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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I am literally fuming with DH.........AIBU?

80 replies

JodiesMummy · 23/12/2010 17:12

Two days ago I started with the flu. I am 27 and have never had flu before. I know lots of people love to say "its not lu just a bad cold" but seriously, I feel like Im dying. I have been barely able to walk. I am so very very cold but hot at the same time, the bed has been soaked with sweat and I have not eaten since Tuesday morning. I can only manage warm lemonade and ribena. Yesterday DD was booked in at nursery as planned (she finished school last week) but obviously I didnt go to work, I just slept.

This morning I had arranged for DD to go to MIL's (thinking Id be at work), DP annonced this morning that as I wasnt going to work, he wasnt going to take DD to his mums, it wasnt necessary. Bearing in mind Im still in the pj's I put on Tuesday afternoon and can hardly raise my head from the bed. Poor DD has been a good girl all day I did manage to get up and fix her some snacks and she has snuggled with me in my bed with Cbeebies on for a large portion of the afternoon. Then he calls me up all cheery like an hour ago announcing he is getting fish and chips would I like some? Why does everything stop when he is ill but for me I must get on with it? I am furious and he can cook Christmas dinner.

OP posts:

JuJusDad · 23/12/2010 19:06

kitsi - welcome to MN. Swearing is allowed. And sometimes encouraged...

coldtits · 23/12/2010 19:19

It's a mumsnet thing. We can't swear irl because our children will hear. there is more swearing in school holidays than term time, and you HAVE joined us two days before Christmas, which is the peak time on the swearometer.

jugglingjo · 23/12/2010 19:20

I'm really sorry for you that he hasn't understood ( or wanted to understand ? ) how ill you've been, and what he needed to do about it.

Of course he should have taken DD to MIL/M's.
He could have told her when he got there that you weren't at work due to dreadful flu. I'm sure she'd have been sympathetic, and really it wouldn't have made any difference to her.

But like you said, it would have put him out slightly.

Silly boy !

taintedsnow · 23/12/2010 19:30

Just to add my voice to the masses, DH is being a twat and you deserve to be treated much better!

I hope you feel better soon.

Bollocksthespider · 23/12/2010 19:30

Cuss!Cuss!Cuss!
harharhar
I like chasing the old folk, me!

BitOfFun · 23/12/2010 19:41

BollockstheSpider · 23/12/2010 19:50

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrghh!

leave me alone you big bully!

SkyBluePearl · 23/12/2010 20:02

best spend all day in bed tomorrow too and let him tidy up. it's murder looking after kids while ill.

JuJusDad · 23/12/2010 20:36

BoF - can't believe you're spanking Bollocks already

zipzap · 23/12/2010 20:42

I hope that you pointed out to your 'd'h that Christmas has already been ruined for you, thanks in part to him for not taking your dd to your mil so you could recuperate and keep your dd away from your dangerous flu bugs...

Original poster

JodiesMummy · 23/12/2010 20:49

He has gone out for some cigarettes - I crept downstairs to fill my hot water bottle and he has tidied up very nicely and put DD to bed. Am softening a little - so much so that I have made the jelly and sponge base for the trifle and gone back to bed.... I have an irrational fear of that moment when you realise the custard moment will have to be delayed due to non-jelly settage.

I still feel like shite though. And my nose keeps bleeding. I look stunning!!

In answer to the poster who said why would I not send DD to MIL tomorrow - I just think sod it, if you dont want to help or are doing so grudgingly, dont bother. DD will play and be excited as 5 year olds do, DP can roast the turkey (I only have a small oven so need all space for roasties and other stuff on day) and I will see how I feel as to pushing the hoover round or trying to wash my hair in the morning. Ho hum.

OP posts:

Original poster

JodiesMummy · 23/12/2010 20:50

Zipzap I am really scared of DD getting it, heard on the news that 9 children have died of swine flu this week :(

I dont see how I can avoid her catching it though, I have had her all day.

OP posts:

Xenia · 23/12/2010 20:56

Ah, never marry a smoker...

B ut that aside I don't understand people in relationships where they have so little power the other half can change arrangements like that. It seems like another planet from the more equal relationships other people manage. It feels almost incredible.

if you won't send your daughter tmorerow to mother in law can you hire someone to look after her, or get her into a nursery or take yourself off somewhere alone and leave him with her to sort out child care - go to a friend's or book yourself into a hotel for 2 days alone. Just don't enable his behaviour. The thread reads like enabling of his behaviour.

BlathIceSkate · 23/12/2010 20:58

I had this a few weeks ago. Came down with horrible flu and begged DH to stay home to look after our 1 and 3 year olds so I could rest - he refused.

About a week later, he got it. He never takes time off work ill but felt so awful he had to. When he came downstairs that morning, he looked very sheepish and apologised to me for not believing how awful I had been feeling.

I accepted his apology.....and then left him with the kids while I went to the Supermarket. That'll teach him

Original poster

JodiesMummy · 23/12/2010 21:02

Xenia, I couldnt send my little girl to a nursery on Christmas Eve! No way, no matter how bad I feel I want her home with me for our tradtions Christmas Eve. Even if I am hooked up to the Olbas Oil bottle and have tissues coming out of my nose. He will have to do as much as possible to help and thats it.

OP posts:

BlathIceSkate · 23/12/2010 21:05

I'm sure she's loving "looking after" you too. My DS was a star when I was ill.

Xenia · 24/12/2010 08:04

Well Christmas Eve is a working day. I'm working today, lots of mothers are and fathers and they use their usual childcare. It's only a day of tht year and you feel dreadful.

Hope you seem better. Best way to get fairness ni relationships is to out earn men!

Original poster

JodiesMummy · 24/12/2010 08:08

I do earn more than him. I dont see what that has got to do with it TBH.

His mum just moans at him I think, she wouldnt moan to me, dunno why, Id rather she did, then I wouldnt feel they are colluding behind my back.

He has spent last night on the settee as he is worried about catching it!

OP posts:

mamas12 · 24/12/2010 10:39

Ha ha just do what YOU need to do and that means have a lovely bath.
Tell dh dd is all his responsibilty today and he is to look after you as he doesn't want to ruin xmas now does.
He is your slave for the next three days.

monkeyflippers · 24/12/2010 10:47

I have flu (proper evil flu) and am looking after my kids at the same time as there is no one else to have them. I have sympathy but maybe just be grateful is was for just the one day unlike me.

snowyweather · 24/12/2010 10:48

Yay to BathIceSkates!!!

OP - I am sorry for you and for anyone who has had to look after children while they have been ill.

sitdownpleasegeorge · 24/12/2010 10:49

My dh is vile when I am ill too.

Once I booked into a motel for 24 hours rest when I had a bad flu-like virus.

Bonus, plenty of sleep and crap telly watching for me, less chance of dc catching my germs and away from Dh's insinuations that if I was that ill that I couldn't look after the dc I should be in hospital !

I wouldn't hesitate to do it again and it did teach him a lesson.

snowyweather · 24/12/2010 10:54

Yay to Sitdownplease too.

ledkrsbellyislikesantas · 24/12/2010 11:53

Wonder why so many of them are vile when we are ill?Do you think its a resentfull thing.Woman tend to be martyrs so i bet a lot of blokes saw their mums struggling on.
My dh is a great and loving man but i have had adifficult,unexpested but much wanted pregnancy and he really has lacked understanding at times.It has made me fairly bitter as pil havent shown much sympathy eitherandnowthe due date is near i feel resentfull listening them all planning visits etc and will not be aggreeing to anything unless it suits me.Silly men,only have themselves to blame when they get ill and we go to the pub.

ledkrsbellyislikesantas · 24/12/2010 11:54

sorry spacebar is sticking

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