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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that you can still have nice things if you have children?

41 replies

Unrulysanta · 23/12/2010 17:04

A friend is very kindly buying us some chairs for our dining room. They are kind of a present from him and his partner who was a lifelong friend of our family and who died last year. :(

After looking for ages for something we love (as we'll have them forever) dh and I have found some lovely fabric covered chairs. We were looking for wood because we have dd (not quite crawling) and plan to have more dcs and we don't want to spend their childhoods saying 'watch that felt tip' 'look what you've done'etc etc but we love these chairs.

AIBU to think we can get through childhood relatively unscathed and reupholster at the other end? We're quite hardwearing on things anyway but I sort of think I'd rather have nice things which are a bit battered than not. Or am I in for a huge shock?

OP posts:

toddlerama · 23/12/2010 17:07

I have always just chosen things I like and I would like to think that it trains the DDs to respect property. You could always get chair covers if they start to get trashed?

SilveryMoon · 23/12/2010 17:08

Hmm. Personally I wouldn't risk having anything nice in my house!
ou obviously teach your dc's what they are not allowed to touch or whatever, but I have found that I need to pick my battles, so where I will do whatever it takes to keep them away from a hot oven, I wouldn't even pay attention to chairs
My ds's are a handful and I'm at them all day as it is!

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 23/12/2010 17:12

It sounds like you could reupholster, and if you had to, could sand down, restain/revarnish the wood if Something Terrible happened during small childhood. So fairly easy to get looking nice again.

Original poster

Unrulysanta · 23/12/2010 17:12

Ah well I think if I had them I'd have to accept that they'd get the odd (?) knock. Dh grew up in a cream coloured house being screamed at everytime he turned around and we're both of the opinion that kids break and spoil stuff primarily because they're kids.

OP posts:

Original poster

Unrulysanta · 23/12/2010 17:14

Covers are something I hadn't thought about...

OP posts:

brokeoven · 23/12/2010 17:21

Had this very same conversation with my friend the other day.
She commented that you simply cannot have ANYTHING nice when you have kids and i agree.

My house is a shadow of its former self prior to having ds, as is her house.

We both journeyed together through doing up our houses over years and years, blood sweat, huge amounts of money and savings poured into the property with love.....to now be covered in cracks, dents, marks, stains and little teath marks.
Completely disheartening and heartbreaking.

I have now just finished replacing all of my furniture bought prior to having ds. (who is 7 and MUCH much better with posessions).

We only decorate using washable paint, and every surface can be wiped. Dining room chairs are leather and wipable, and pens are only allowed in the conservatory.

Everything can be replaced or repaired. sigh.

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 23/12/2010 17:24

DD (4.5) has never yet drawn on any furniture, excluding the kitchen table when she goes a little too far over the lines when colouring in . We try to eat at the kitchen table most of the time so that limits sticky fingers on soft furnishings. If my house is tatty (and it is), it's not her fault
Nice things that are worn in are lovely and you're right - you can always re-cover them.

FabbyChic · 23/12/2010 17:25

I have always had nice things, it is about teaching your children not to jump on furniture, write on it or bite it.

Isn't hard.

cardibach · 23/12/2010 17:27

Is still have the suite I bought when mydaughter was 3 weeks old. SHe will be 15 in January. I have a dining table and chairs I bought when she was 3, very pale wood. I have very little furniture haven't had for most of her life, actually. She dosesn't seem to have been tough on the house or possessions at all, actually, and I'm not constantly nagging.

She's tough on carpets - don't have a pale carpet until your chldren are all over 18

cardibach · 23/12/2010 17:28

Sorry for poor typing and over use of actually. Went out for lunch and had too much wine.

brokeoven · 23/12/2010 17:30

no its not that easy.
I did keep a very tight reign on, but this was a continuous battle with ds who unfortunately was into literally everything and had to be supervised constantly till he was about 6.
He unfortunately had a very destructive streak in him.

Lord only knows why, i asked the hv time and time again why is he not like other kids, if i say no i mean fucking no, BUT it didnt seem to mean anything.
Consequences and punishments were all doled out and i stuck to my guns, yet he had this in him.

strange kid!

brokeoven · 23/12/2010 17:31

never drawn on anything though strangely.

mugggletoeandwine · 23/12/2010 17:31

I've never had nice things, but because I can't afford to. I still have minded when DD has drawn on the walls/chairs/put sudocrem on the carpet though.

It's a tough one.
Of course you do your best to make sure they don't damage anything, but somehow, they most likely will.

I'd say get things you like, but not love.
Go for the forever stuff once they're older, and then never babysit the grandchildren

jollyoldstnickschick · 23/12/2010 17:33

We recently said Goodbye to our 6 seater mahogany dining table and chairs.....we'd had them since ds1 was v small,hed learnt to eat at that table,hed done his homework at that table,party food had been laid out on that table and many many family dinners had been eaten there..........we have 3ds -the table just gave up on us.

We bought a new pine thing but ds refused to let the chairs go they are a part of his life he said.

brokeoven · 23/12/2010 17:33

Mostly its cleanable, hand prints etc,

he could never control where he vomited....so new sofa had to be purchased (Last one i had for about 15 years so it had been a good one!) {smile]

jollyoldstnickschick · 23/12/2010 17:33

we also have a brass bed that has a loose knob thanks to those same dc acting out bedknobs and broomsticks.

samay · 23/12/2010 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

jollyoldstnickschick · 23/12/2010 17:34

The only thing ds drew on was ......his Dads jaguar

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 23/12/2010 17:36

jollyold - DD does that on my bed. It's never got to Namumbu yet

jollyoldstnickschick · 23/12/2010 17:38

the loose knob is in dhs sock drawer bcos we used to worry itd get lost .......ds are 17,15 and 10 lol.

dockate · 23/12/2010 17:45

We've gradually accumulated nice things. DCs have their own small round table which has been drawn on (but nothing that a decent sanding wouldn't sort out) and animal chairs, and they stick to rules about where food is eaten and where we use pens, glue etc. We recently had a pale carpet fitted though (what WAS I thinking?) and I'm constantly alert to messy fingers and muddy feet in a 10 mile radius now. But the poor children have adapted, and now take their shoes off in the hall without even being asked etc.

So, no, with training of the DCs, you can have nice things. But in any case, they are just things, and the DCs are more precious, so who really cares?

FuturePM · 23/12/2010 17:51

We have beautiful things, but I have a well disciplined child so it works hand in hand. Some things would just be silly to get...like cream fabric sofas (always leather until they are past pulling themselves up with grubby hands!) cream carpets etc. Use your common sense with things like that, but no, don't put your life on hold because you have children, help them to embrace beautiful things and how to look after them. Beats this "throw away" society we live in...and teaches them to value their things in their home.

YANBU- You can do it!

gailpud · 23/12/2010 17:56

DS has just turned 2 now and I am totally shocked at the destruction he is capable of. I am new to all this Ds being my only so far. I guess Ill get used to not having anything nice/or left soon!

Today for example just the 3 tree decs and one picture frames ruined.

The frame up on book shelf out of his reach, he climbed up got it, threw it to the floor. I told him to pick it up, which he did. But whoops... half of it was under the sofa corner and crrrruuununch it went has he struggled to lever it up. Glass everywhere. Cut hand for me and I was in tears as it was my very best frame, portrait piccy of him in it of course and it has a slight tear in it.

The house looking nice is v important to me but I guess I have to let go of that crazy dream!!

Megletitsnow · 23/12/2010 17:57

My house is slowly being destroyed by my toddlers. You name it they have marked it, dented it, bashed it, scribbled on it.

I have a dream of re-painting this summer to make the house bright and clean again.

MamaVoo · 23/12/2010 18:06

My house is nicer than it's ever been and I have a 3 year old. Not all kids wreck the house (this isn't me preening about my parenting, he just doesn't seem interested in destruction).

As long as you're fine with getting them reupholstered at some point and won't stress too much if they're not immaculate then go for it.

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