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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was really awful and ungrateful of DP?

49 replies

AChristmasSickness · 23/12/2010 16:25

It happened a while ago but I've just been sat here dwelling on the past, present and future and realised my current issues with DP are not new, they existed ages, years ago.

So basically it was the year we got together. Easter time. My mum came around with three easter eggs. One each for my DD's and one for DP's DD (who my mum had only met once).

My mum went home and DP scoffed and said "smarties easter egg? god how babyish!" so I, slightly ataken back said "at least she bothered to get her one! you should be grateful for that, she's only met her once" so he replied "yeah but smarties? it just seems a bit ill thought out really, DD is 12, not 5."

Then his DD came in the collect the egg. DP said to her "it's that smarties one" with a grin. She sensed his disaproval and made a face to co-incide so he added "I know, bit babyish but it'll do".

Just thinking back to this and I'm seething. What a twat. I'm not over-reacting am I?

A similar thing happened a few christmas's later. My grandmother put all 3 kids £5 in their christmas cards. I told DP "* will be receiving £5 from my grandma" and he said "oh". No grattitude or anything. My grandma had never even met her. Then in a conversation later he's working out how much she'll have to put towards something she wanted and didn't count my grandmas money in what she had. I reminded him of it only to be told "yeah but she can't exactly get much with that, can she" with a stupid laugh on the end.

Its really annoying me to know I never made much of a fuss over these things.

OP posts:
EricNorthpolesChristmas · 23/12/2010 16:27

He sounds horrible.

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 23/12/2010 16:38

agree.

are you leaving him? is that why you are running through all this?

NadiaWadia · 23/12/2010 16:40

He's an ungrateful, ungracious twerp, who is teaching his DD to be the same.

nickeldonkeybethlehemsinsight · 23/12/2010 16:40

Ditto what Hec says.

Do you need to offload?

msrisotto · 23/12/2010 16:43

Yeah I have to say I said "What a twat" a couple of times reading your post there.

IAmReallyFabNow · 23/12/2010 16:43

her look when he said about the egg was probably her trying to please her dad.

He is ungrateful and rude and his daughter will go the same way by the looks of things so far.

Are you planning on staying with him?

effymeffy · 23/12/2010 16:43

Oh thats awful, your family seem incredibly lovely and decent op.
Sounds as if you deserve to be with someone better. He sounds horrible tbh. Hope your ok.

orangepoo · 23/12/2010 16:43

He sounds horrible. Really nasty attitude.

Are these things still going on? Do you have any joint children?

harassedinhertinselpants · 23/12/2010 16:45

I'm sorry but he sounds awful, but then it sounds like you're already realising that.

Hope you're ok.

msrisotto · 23/12/2010 16:45

yeah, your family sound like they have been so lovely and he's felt a need to throw it back in their face for some reason. If he wants people to feel less like being nice to him, he's going a good way about it.

Ephiny · 23/12/2010 16:58

He does sound awful. It seems like your family are making an effort to be nice to his DD and make her feel part of the family, and his attitude is horrible.

SantasENormaSnob · 23/12/2010 17:13

He sounds like a big cockbag.

Shameful attitude.

sausagerolemodel · 23/12/2010 17:17

How long ago was this? Have you been stewing on it for years? Has something else happened to make you think of it again? It seems like you have 2 options, learn to let it go, or tell him its been bothering you all this time and you need to smooth it out. It does sound ungrateful - was he feeling insecure about his position in your family? Perhaps overcompensating for guilt that members of his family wouldn't do the same?

lololizzy · 23/12/2010 17:20

rude. spoilt.

Minione · 23/12/2010 18:55

Your family sound lovely, he sounds vile and he is teaching his daughter to be the same. Why are you with him?

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers · 23/12/2010 18:58

Very rude and ungrateful. He sounds like he needs a few lessons in manners.

Mahraih · 23/12/2010 18:59

Agreed - the gestures your mum is making don't seem to have any ill will attached, they seem very well-meaning and come with no catches.

So what's the issue? Maybe he doesn't WANT his DD to see herself as part of your family, because that means she is less 'his'?

perfumeditsawonderfullife · 23/12/2010 19:03

What a rude, arrogant man, and his daughter will go the same way if she has much to do with him.

claig · 23/12/2010 19:07

Your mum is absolutely lovely. He is a nasty piece of work.

FabbyChic · 23/12/2010 19:09

Have these past thoughts been brought on by a recent concern.

It really does no good to live in the past.

If he is still the same then I am sorry to say that more fool you for not sorting it out with him and getting past the past.

You are referring to years ago.

Firawla · 23/12/2010 19:29

what on earth is so babyish about a smarties egg? i would have thought its fine for a 12 yr old i would be okay with it myself and i am 24 twice that age! your dh is extremely rude and ungrateful yanbu

FrostyAndSlippery · 23/12/2010 19:38

That's very rude of him. I'm concerned though, that you are still dwelling on it - I feel that if you were happy in your relationship you wouldn't be thinking of it?

sungirltan · 23/12/2010 19:49

yanbu. if its still bothering you after all this time then yanbu - we feel how we feel :-(

ShanahansRevenge · 23/12/2010 19:58

Why are you pondering on something which happened a few years ago?

What has gone on recently?

My first thought about DPs behaviour was that it was a clumsy display of loyalty to his DD...a kind of "this is my new family...but look...their Gran gives crappy easter eggs. Lets have an in-joke to show how much more imporant our relationship is"

FrostyAndSlippery · 23/12/2010 23:09

So, am assuming your two daughters arent his - what would happen if his relative tried to include your two in their presents? Would dp let them?

Do the children get treated equally in other ways? I'm guessing this example is a drop in the ocean, if it was a rare slip you would have forgiven him by now.