To think this was really awful and ungrateful of DP?

[AChristmasSickness]

It happened a while ago but I've just been sat here dwelling on the past, present and future and realised my current issues with DP are not new, they existed ages, years ago.

So basically it was the year we got together. Easter time. My mum came around with three easter eggs. One each for my DD's and one for DP's DD (who my mum had only met once).

My mum went home and DP scoffed and said "smarties easter egg? god how babyish!" so I, slightly ataken back said "at least she bothered to get her one! you should be grateful for that, she's only met her once" so he replied "yeah but smarties? it just seems a bit ill thought out really, DD is 12, not 5."

Then his DD came in the collect the egg. DP said to her "it's that smarties one" with a grin. She sensed his disaproval and made a face to co-incide so he added "I know, bit babyish but it'll do".

Just thinking back to this and I'm seething. What a twat. I'm not over-reacting am I?

A similar thing happened a few christmas's later. My grandmother put all 3 kids £5 in their christmas cards. I told DP "* will be receiving £5 from my grandma" and he said "oh". No grattitude or anything. My grandma had never even met her. Then in a conversation later he's working out how much she'll have to put towards something she wanted and didn't count my grandmas money in what she had. I reminded him of it only to be told "yeah but she can't exactly get much with that, can she" with a stupid laugh on the end.

Its really annoying me to know I never made much of a fuss over these things.

I think FrostyandSlippery is right. I suspect that is what it boils down to.

He sounds very rude tbh. And I'm guessing you have simmering resentment which has been highlighted by Christmas rolling round again.

If he is still doing things like this he is a twat. Plain and simple.
It was lovely of your Mum and Gran to include his DD and he basically threw it back in their faces (not literally obviously but still ....).
Is it still like this? I think it must be or you would not be posting about this.

Don't let this simmer .... have it out with him ... or it will boil over!

YANBU. 'Really awful and ungrateful' is putting it mildly. Just horrible to take your mother's (and subsequently your grandmother's) kindness and sneer at it.

What's happened in the intervening years? Does he treat your children well?

I would go mental if DH was disparaging about anything my parents did/bought and therefore I proclaim my verdict

YANBU

he sounds like someone who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.

I can only hope for your sake and your DCs that he's improved since then but the fact you're still thinking about it would suggest sadly thats not the case.

So why is he your DP?

Wow, he really sounds utterly vile. I would be furious on behalf of your Mum and Gran but along with other posters am curious about what triggered this memory?

Yanbu

is what my face literally just did.

What an immensely rude ungrateful thing to say! I'd have stuffed the bloody egg up his arse. (And whats wrong with smarties anyway? I'd be pleased with a smarties egg.)

And the disparagement of the fiver too! It was incredibly kind of her to be inclusive and generous... and really crappy of him to sneer because it was a 'small' amount.

He sounds really horrid to me.

Sorry you're still smarting about some throw away comments from years ago? That's really not healthy. Why not deal with things at the time and move on?

Oh forgot to add YABU. It's not "really awful". Possibly tactless and ill mannered but not worth stewing on for years.

It simmered back to the surface because of more incidents in the lead up to this christmas. Last night I told him my mum had got his daughter a vouncher for gamestation. He sneered and said nothing, not even a thank you or any act of grattitude.

For the first time ever, I opened a christmas card from his parents to find £25 inside. I was really shocked and thankful. I made sure he knew it too. He opened his up to find the same ammount. He was VISIBLY disapointed because he obviously assumed there would be more in his card.

This stuff happens all the time. It wasn't just one thing that happened years ago, it was an early example of what was to come. Hindsight is a great thing.

If it happens again (sounds quite likely) I would tell him you'd like to have a chat with him about it later. Then tell him how you feel about it. You're obviously having a bit of a bit of a reassessment at the moment so perhaps he should know if he's back on probation. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who makes you seethe and apologising for him?

Cock!!!

YABU

Sorry - fecking keyboard - YANBU obviously

It is sad. I think there is something unpleasant behind it. I think it may be caused in part by his inability to provide many material things for his DD. Is that the case or am I wrong?

Did his parents spoil him as a child? It sounds like an incredibly unpleasant ingrained character trait. What is he like otherwise - are you generally happy with him?

Such an arse. What does he say if you confront him about this?

I like Smarties.

Eeek what a spoilt little shit.

And since when do kids care if it's a smarties egg or any other kind of egg . . . IT'S CHOCOLATE!

Sorry to post again but i really don't like him!

Well why are you still with him? Not the kind of attitude I'd want my DDs picking up, even if I could close my eyes and pretend it wasn't that bad (which I couldn't). He sounds very immature and I think you know it, which is why you posted. If you can see it, choose a different life!