to give MIL a Christmas present which challenges her petty prejudices?

[redandyellowandpinkand]

MIL has been in Britain for 30 years. She speaks perfect English and flamboyantly presents herself as a paragon of right-on, PC multiculturalism, assimilation and tolerance. She goes on every anti-racism march in the country, heads up endless campaigns in support of Kurds, Palestinians and Tibetans and sends angry emails to the local newspaper each time the BNP leaflet the town. And she sanctimoniously lectures me on such issues with a great air of superiority at every given opportunity.

Today I bought her a green scarf and hat for Christmas. DP said to me "you cannot give her that. It's green and nobody from her [insert ethnic group] ever wears green. It's what [insert neighbouring ethnic group] wear and MIL would be horrified and disgusted if anyone thought she was one of those."

I have pointed out the irony, or rather the cognitive dissonance, or rather hypocrisy, of such an attitude. But DP still insists that to give his mother a green scarf and hat would be a cultural abomination. I have suggested that a green scarf and hat might therefore be a very useful gift in helping MIL overcome some embarrassingly ingrained ethnic prejudices. But DP is insisting the MIL would never be seen dead in the colour green and thus that I might as well go and change the garments for another colour.

What does AIBU think? Should I give MIL the green to challenge her to live up to her principles, or should I just go and get another colour?

DH is an Ulster protestant and would never wear green in his youth, as it was a sure sign of being a catholic.

He did buy a green shirt when he was at Uni on the mainland, and would wear it home just to wind his parents up.

Some of his mates were over staying with him one summer and DH took them on a tour. They were stopped at a roadblock (happened all the time for DH, but his mates were shitting themselves). They all got out of the car, DH ID'd hiumself as a local and the cop said, 'do your parents know you're out wearing this' (fingered the collar of DH's shirt).

His mates were horrified.

Swap the presents.

Then when she is annoying you with her comments on racism, mention that you originally bought her a green scarf. Express your extreme surprise that a woman of her principles would not want to wear it for the reason dh gave.

[evil grin]

Interesting, didn't know about green in other cultures, but do know some of my great aunties (NI catholics) won't wear green to a wedding as it is bad luck.

On St Patrick's Day, naturally, it is de rigeur

Xpost, fruitful - we obviously went to the same school of DILness

it;s killing me to know what culture it is, or is that just my nosyness

i would raise it to but as a point of convo not to get her back up.

YABU. Everyone is different, let her be. Maybe she would feel ashamed if people thought she was a member of the green party.

I would give it but with receipt, so she can change it. You didn't know when you bought it that green was an issue.

If your DP is against this, get him to sort it out.

This is really interesting. Green seems to be a problem for lots of very different people.

I was going to have green dresses for my bridesmaids (both redheads and thought they'd look lovely). My Grandma had hysterics at the bad luck it would bring and instead they had floral Laura Ashley type numbers (it was the 80s!!)

I think you idea to sway the hat and scarf with the CDs is a good one, although I did once "accidently" buy chocolate Euros for my very anti-european MIL

"it's killing me to know what culture it is, or is that just my nosyness"

Oh yes, do tell. Please.

Go on, be a devil, give her the scarf!

YABU green is not a colour for clothes. it is a colour for plants.

I'm wearing a green jumper at the moment and the colour suits me. Perhaps I look good with the "plant look"

bunny plants can look lovely too.

digs into hole even further

My Irish FIL told me it was unlucky to have my bridesmaids dressed in green, so I changed the colour of their dresses.

If your DP had said she just doesn't like green you would change them. If she's not going to wear them then you are wasting your money. BUT I would make a point that I had bought green then taken them back for the alternative colour.

Why go out of your way to deliberately piss someone off?

If you bought a football shirt for someone, you'd buy it from the right team. Not the enemy team.