to let my son get away with eating no fruit or veg?

[washngo]

I feel like i am at my wits end over ds' eating. I have tried so hard to do all the right things food wise. I breastfed him, i made all his baby purees, he ate every fruit and veg under the sun in puree form. As he got older, he expressed a preference for some fruit and veg in it's non puree form (he liked banana, mango, pear, blueberries, carrots, sweet potato, soft apples, peas, sweetcorn, brocolli). But between 18 months and now (2y 3 m) he slowly started rejecting each one of these foodstuffs. I didn't push it, just kept giving him the fruits and veg he did like. But slowly these started dwindling, until he would eat no fruit at all. I kept offering his favourites, and he would howl at the very mention of a banana.Now the only fruit he happily consumes is in smoothie form. The only vegetable he eats more than one tiny mouthful of is sweet potato. This evening we had a massive battle where i tried to get him to eat some carrot. It ended in him spitting it on the floor, him in tears, me nearly in tears. I feel like i have failed. I was never going to be one of those parents with fussy children. Clearly i am a failure.

Anyway, I have now decided that it is not a battle i can win. I will keep offering a wide variety of fruit and veg. But if he won't have it I will just say "What a shame you'll be hungry" and take it away. But is this right? Or is it copping out big time? Will this get better as he gets older or (as my mum insists) will it only get worse?

The right approach - to save your sanity at least - is dont make a battle of it - offer him the food, and free access to such fruit and veg as he wishes, and if he doesnt want it, he doesnt have to eat it. DS1 was a notoriously picky eater - miles better nowadays aged 4 and a half - and part of it was that I was so focused on his eating and we had massive foodbattles when he reached the fussy toddler stage (which they all do). As a result I took a v diff approach with DS2 who, whilst a fussy little bugger at times and prone to refusing to eat his meals, will always come and tell me if he wants fruit (generally by climbing up to grab some from the fruit bowl and bringing it to me) or veg (which he generally loves even if he'll refuse to eat the rest of the meal). It will get better - just keep offering it and rise above the mealtime battles.

YANBU. I would do the same. I think your mum is wrong and he'll get better, just keep offering it.

I think your intended approach is exactly right. The bigger deal you make out of this, the more likely he is to kick back. He's at the age where he's testing to see what he can get away with. Just serve it up and if he doesn't eat it, take it away without comment. If he'll eat tomato based pasta sauce, it's amazing how many different veg you can puree and hide in that! Sneaky ways of getting some down him without him knowing! Smoothies are fine.

My DS used to be a nightmare at a similar age, he'd actually gag and vomit if I persuaded him to eat a pea. I gave up pushing it and stressing us all out, now he's 4 he'll eat peas, carrots and occasionally sweetcorn - better than nothing and I'm hoping he'll continue to improve as he gets older.

my ds2 did this. here's what we did.

fed him what he would eat

and always included other food (that he would envitably reject.

Make no fuss/comment about it at all.

When he left the table, say in a positive voice 'I'll save this incase your hungry later' then re-offer if they are hungry.

Now he eats most things (he's 3.7)

He did spend a few months basically eating rasins, cornflakes and tomato ketchup (at the same time ) but he ate a lentil and chickpea tomato pasta tonight quite happily.

No advice but will be watching with interest as my DS (now 2yrs 9 mo) is EXACTLY the same - like you, I fed him all sorts of delicious veg purees, bits of vegetable, bits of fruit, and he gobbled them up but then slowly started going off each one. And it definitely wasn't peer pressure or anything as he was still too young when it started (about 18 mo) to really notice what other children were doing.

I also sometimes have a battle of wills with him to get him to eat "one pea" or "one bite of carrot" and I eventually win but after MUCH bribery/threatening.

He still eats fruit, though.

just keep offering it. but dont worry if he doesnt eat it. its a stage.

My DS used to be a 4 bananas a day boy, but now he won't touch them. Little buggers just like to move the goalpoats on us!

PS, also, I think it genuinely DOES taste horrible to them. I remember forcing myself to eat vegetables when I was little (because my mum made me) and nearly gagging on them. I love vegetables now. So I think it is best to not sweat it too much..easier said than done though...I try to avoid The Battle of The Pea as much as I can but sometimes fall into it by mistake...

DS will not eat any fruit or veg at all in it's natural form. If you want any ideas on hiding veg (so at least he's getting something :) )

What WILL he eat?

DC3 has never eaten a piece or fruit or a vegetable EVER - even though DCs 1 & 2 have always eaten both happily. I just keep presenting them and he keeps refusing them. He now eats:

Shreddies
Plain pasta, sometimes pesto
Cooked meat
Grated cheese
Plum yoghurts (he can spot and refuse a Petit Filou a mile away)
Ella pouches

And that's it. FWIW, he was also EBF, homemade purees etc. Didn't make any difference, still super-fussy. TBH, I think if he was my first I'd worry. Because he's my third, I'm more relaxed. What will be, will be etc.

YANBU to be frustrated and YANBU to decide to stop fighting him re his refusal to eat fruits & vegetables, but YABU to give up on trying to feed him fruits and vegetables.

He is a growing child and needs fruits and vegetables. You can mix vegetable puree into pasta sauce or bake in pastry, for example.

Does he eat any meat, fish, or eggs?

ps it is completely natural to refuse food at this age, some sort of survival thing to only eat what you know, if you don't fuss it should sort out.

Poor you. I think it's important they know you won't offer an alternative. If they're hungry enough they'll eat eventually. I would try to avoid battles over food if you can. Just make a big fuss to say well done for trying food by licking it, even if he does no more than that. And don't compensate by giving extra of something else. Good luck

It will get better, my DD2 did exactly the same thing at exactly that age too, it's a control thing i'm sure of it.
Anyway I hide veg in her spag bol, shepherds pie etc, we both know I do it and it's accepted [rollseyes].
He will not suffer and for goodness sake DO NOT do what I did and allow unlimited fruit juice instead, even though I bought the best organic apple juice not from concentrate at great expense. It rotted her baby teeth. Disaster all round.

Brilliant I will take all this excellent advice and keep calmer about the whole thing! I will try to avoid another "battle of the pea" scenario as it's just miserable for everyone. PureAs: he will eat spag bol, beans on toast, sausages, fish fingers, shreddies, yoghurt, fruit pots (but only the fruitapura ones), cheese sandwiches (but heaven forbid I should put any cucmber in), baked sweet potato with cheese, breadsticks, cereal bars. He used to eat chicken korma with peppers in but no more...

YANBU. It's totally mind blowingly annoying. But don't give up.

I just kept putting veg on DS1's plate even though I knew he wouldn't eat it. At least then he knew what it looked like and what a healthy meal might look like. Now he eats them.
DS2 is now entering same phase.

In the meantime, are you opposed to sneaking the veg in? Mine nearly always eat pasta and sauce, and I found finely grating a carrot in, just at the last moment and blending it all to oblivion was a good undercover veg. Having said that, DS2's now only consenting to eat pasta with no sauce...

My friend also lent me a good cookery book called 'The Sneaky Chef' by Missy Chase Lapine. I found it really helpful on how to get super nutritious stuff in under the radar.

Am also going to purée some veg into pasta sauce. And thank you for the warning about the fruit juice, he does have a lot of apple juice so will rein that in..

I was just about to suggest the same as spongecakelover.

In the spag bol you can hide pureed (away from little eyes!) veg or grate in things such as courgette or carrot.

There is also a book called Deceptively Delicious that makes things like chocolate brownies out of avocado (not has the book myself but a friend did and we all did taste tests - YUM!)

LOADS of hiding veg possibilities there. spag bol is the easiest - just slow fry onions/carrots/celery etc and puree it and add to sauce. Korma is a good one to hide cauliflower in (just mash it) You could also stick swede/sweet potato etc in there and it'll disappear into the sauce.

Will he eat plain mash? I batch cook cauliflower and leeks (only use the white bit) and puree it and add it to the mash. (current batch is barely half potato).

DS won;t eat the fruit pots anymore, so he has pureed mango, apple and pear on his breakfast (tried grated fruit but it was spat out in disgust.

His issue is mostly texture-related I think, so hiding it works for him. I know some people don't think you should hide veg, and I used to offer veg alongside his main meals, but now he can't even tolerate it on his plate. He won't eat anything tomato based either, or anything in a sauce.. PITA.

He'll grow out of it

What about fruit bars, raisins, fig rolls etc? I've even resorted to popcorn for DS (just made in a popcorn maker, so essentially cooked sweetcorn)

I puree veggies into the meat of cottage pie and bolognaise sauce. also into tomato soup (which they both love) and tomato pasta sauce. also make lasagne and can sneak veggies in. other than that neither dd (7) nor ds (4) will eat veggies (apart from DS will eat cucumber only, DD will eat tomatoes). they both ate them in puree form as babies and also as veggies when slightly bigger.

However they both do eat most fruit, and are happy to eat loads of it. The school only allows fruit as snacks, which helps - if they didn't eat fruit I wouldn't allow any other snacks at all.

They have fruit juice with meals and water at other times.

My son is 16 and STILL doesn't eat any fruit or vegetables -he never has! He can just about manage mashed potato if smothered in cheese and roast/chipped potatoes are Ok but can't think of anything else!

You are doing really well - just keep going. My kids eat what we eat (healthy and wholesome) and we don't offer any thing else in it's place if they turn their nose up. If they are hungry between meals they can have fruit or sometimes raisins. We don't force foods but have a non fussy take it or leave it approach. If they do finish thier main meal then we might have pudding(greek yogurt with honey and rasberries usually)but we don't hold pudding up as a reward at all - we don't even mention it. Means that no one gets cross and the kids eat such a wide range of food. My friends/family are always very impressed but it was quite easy to do really. No cooking seperate adult and children meals and no wasting food through offering alternative dishes.

I also tried eating something just before I fed them, or making sure I ate at the same time, so my blood sugar wasn't at rock bottom at the moment of tension. And I was less likely to want to throw the plate of food at the wall (or myself to the floor, sobbing!)

Ive a 22 year old who has never eaten vegetables, and a 17 year old who only eats peas once a week, never any fruit.

Not done either of my children any harm who are both extremely healthy.

My ds today has eaten 3 weetabix, not even real weetabix, asda own this is a typical day, he has never eaten an actual meal, and it honestly breaks my heart, he is 3.3