to let my son get away with eating no fruit or veg?

[washngo]

I feel like i am at my wits end over ds' eating. I have tried so hard to do all the right things food wise. I breastfed him, i made all his baby purees, he ate every fruit and veg under the sun in puree form. As he got older, he expressed a preference for some fruit and veg in it's non puree form (he liked banana, mango, pear, blueberries, carrots, sweet potato, soft apples, peas, sweetcorn, brocolli). But between 18 months and now (2y 3 m) he slowly started rejecting each one of these foodstuffs. I didn't push it, just kept giving him the fruits and veg he did like. But slowly these started dwindling, until he would eat no fruit at all. I kept offering his favourites, and he would howl at the very mention of a banana.Now the only fruit he happily consumes is in smoothie form. The only vegetable he eats more than one tiny mouthful of is sweet potato. This evening we had a massive battle where i tried to get him to eat some carrot. It ended in him spitting it on the floor, him in tears, me nearly in tears. I feel like i have failed. I was never going to be one of those parents with fussy children. Clearly i am a failure.

Anyway, I have now decided that it is not a battle i can win. I will keep offering a wide variety of fruit and veg. But if he won't have it I will just say "What a shame you'll be hungry" and take it away. But is this right? Or is it copping out big time? Will this get better as he gets older or (as my mum insists) will it only get worse?

It's not a case of 'letting him get away with it' though is it - because you can't exactly hold him down, force it in, force him to chew, and force him to swallow, can you? What you're doing now isn't a cop out, because there simply isn't an alternative. So yes, you are absolutely right to persist in offering fruit & veg, and taking it away without comment or re-offering at a later point. I too have a very limited eater (2.9yrs) and the only way I've stayed sane quite frankly is to accept the above, and his foibles, and work patiently to expand his intake. He currently eats:

cereals
bread
ham
cheese
sausages
fishfingers
chicken drumsticks
breaded chicken (homemade)
yoghurt
ellas pouches
Humzinger dried fruit bars (100% fruit)
raisins

He will not eat anything else that's 'wet' in any way, so no spag bol, soup, other fruit pots, custard etc which could all be used to hide veg or fruit in. So he only ever gets 3 of his five a day (fruit juice in a morning, portion of dried fruit, portion of pureed fruit). He won't physically pick up and hold any raw fruit or cooked veg, much less put it to his mouth and chew it. It's definately a textural thing I'm sure because he eats all the Ella's House range so it's not about taste.

I sympathise deeply.

sparkle - sounds like we've produced similar creatures. The texture thing's a nightmare, isn't it?

My 2 yr, 3 months is similar, though he still likes some fruit. What I have noticed is that if he snacks, he will not eat veg. If I put veg down as part of the meal, he'll eat the rest and not the veg. If I offer fruit/ veg as the snack and he's hungry, he will have it.

SO:
Offer fruit/ veg as snacks and not biscuits etc.

DS2 went through an extremely fussy stage around the same age as your child-all he pretty much would eat were marmite sandwiches, weetabix and satsumas for what seemed an eternity.I remember being very worried-he'd been exclusively breasfed,never ate jars etc etc

He's now a great,strapping lad of 15 who is the picture of health who eats piles of fruit and veg, and is always willing to sample new foods

No idea what the "fussy phase" was about. I dealt with it by giving him what he'd eat as well as a small portion of what the rest of us were having.

Good luck

Pure - God it's just so wearing. My elder son eats pretty much most things but ds2 is just so, so limited. Even his starchy carb intake is limited to breakfast cereals and bread - no pasta, no potato, won't even eat chips/wedges etc! Mind you he will eat cake, biscuits, flapjack type goods so I suppose that's technically carbs, but it sugar laden rubbish basically which I try and limit.

I worried so, so much to begin with, and got stressed to the point of tears at every single mealtime for months before I understood that there was nothing else to do but accept it. You simply can't force feed them so it was either relax and formulate a long term plan, or push myself into a very dark place. I chose the light.

Such a lot of fab ideas, he does like Heinz tomato soup so maybe I'll purée some stuff into that. Thank you for the reassurances too - ladystardust marvellous to hear about your healthy fruit eating fifteen year old!

Should also add he was exclusively breast fed to six months, baby-led weaned, and still bf until 2.3yrs. I did everything right supposedly!

Am not trying to be contrary here, but my (pfb) brother never ate any fruit and vegetables as a child, and my mother just went with the flow, allowing him to exist on a diet of ginger biscuits (vom).
Now as an adult he still has a terrible diet, is fond of the stodge, and is overweight. Personally I think my mum should have been harder on him, but he was a difficult child so maybe she just picked her battles?

But how exactly do you suggest she should have been harder? I'm genuinely inteerested because I cannot afford to ignore any advice that might mean I can expand my son's diet.

my 4 yr old ds is oging through a teatime i dont want this stage then asking for pudding, i have given up bribery and getting upset and just say ok leave it but no pudding - we have a cryign bout of about half hr saying i hungry want pudding , i feel mean saying if dont eat main no pudding.

Not a problem I have experienced, and this might seem a facile solution, but what is wrong with just giving no other option than a vegetable-heavy meal. Don't like it, go hungry. Surely after a day or two the penny will drop. Small children never voluntarily starve

DS is exactly as you describe, it has got somewhat better now he is 4.5 and will eat peas, broccoli ( teeny tiny amounts) sweetcorn and raw carrots (sometimes). However to make sure he is getting some nutrition we give him a multivitamin every day - best bit is he thinks it is a sweetie so we give it as a treat!

Must be doing some good as his dentist says he has amazing teeth and he is always full of beans. Of course I would much rather he ate balanced meals and enjoyed vegetables but hey ho it's not the worst thing in the world.

I have tried that Rebeccaruby, he eats the non veg part then refuses the rest. His record for holding out was 11 days. I didn't dare go any longer because you could see to the naked eye that he had lost considerable weight and his skin condition was dreadful. There comes a point where you have to compromise in order to get the necessary calories into them. I'm just praying that as he gets older his tastes will expand as his borther's have done.

Sounds like a sensible approach to the situation.

Will certainly save lots of heartahce for both of you, sometimes it's about picking your battles IYSWIM.

DD refused to eat meat since last Christmas - mince and sausages were all she'd eat meatwise. Then, 4 weeks ago she was invited to have tea at a friend's house. It was roast chicken and veg. The mum suddenly remembered DD won't eat chicken and apologised, but I said don't worry just put a bit on her plate - you never know. She ate it all and announced chicken is her favourite! Hurrah, we have chicken back in our diet.

With veg I would suggest getting him to help you prepare it - maybe grow some in the garden and get him involved. Hide veg in things.

My dad only eats potatoes, frozen peas (if he has no choice) and tinned peas and butter beans. He actually has low blood pressure and technically is very healthy... despite smoking. It's infuriating as he should be the least healthy of anyone.

Oooh and try pizza with things like pepper and sweetcorn etc. He could help you make it.

Good luck!

I'm 32 and have never eaten vegetables . I don't eat much fruit either

I am 5'8. 10 stone. Never had a filling. Have two very healthy children. Very rarely ill

It's a texture thing for me too. I'm getting much better ( no longer pick the bits of veg out of a lasagne etc). I have always managed to hide it though so none of my friends whom I regularly eat out with would notice, it's like my shameful secret

Nutrients affect our bodies at the cellular level. So does their absence. He might look perfectly healthy to you but you don't know what harm his bad diet has already worked inside his body/brain.

urgh food, other people judge what your child is eating and it makes you feel even more shit doesnt it!

I am now more than grateful when dd eats fruit etc, except she only eats raisins, fig rolls ( am counting as fruit ffs that is how desperate I am!!!!), innocent smoothies/monkey juice (thank god!), cucumber.

yup that is it.

she is 3.

neither dh or I are fussy,

i gave up the battle but will win the war.

My son who is now 5, was a very fussy eater.I became very stressed about it and we had lots of unhappy meals. He has gradually become better with age and we tried everything!! (under a dietician at one stage) not giving alternatives, giving choice, it's that or nothing. He would quite happily refuse food for several days. What has worked in recent wks is some advice gained from mumsnet. Basically to offer a food bowl with a trial food for 10 consecutive days. You give small pieces of say pepper or carrot and you pass it round the table at mealtimes and he has to try it before he is allowed his meal( and so does everyone else!!) after 10 days it becomes introduced as a small part of normal meals. He is now eating brocoli,baby sweetcorn, onions, peppers,green beans, satsuma and melon as a result of this technique. Meal times have become so much more relaxed. We play jokes like "bite the carrots head off" and who can race each other to be first, We clap and give lots of praise, I have also said that we are doing it to help baby brother because older brother can set a good example.Believe you me, we never thought we would see the day when he would eat a Christmas Dinner and we are getting there. I also had a Mum who made an issue out of D.S poor eating. I felt she made me feel a failure because he was fussy and this made the situation worse. Try it nothing to loose!!

Thanks thomasmad, will try the trial food option and see how it goes

Washngo - I could have written this post about my daughter, I made all my own purees, she ate everything I gave her, turned 18 months and hasn't had a vegetable near her mouth since!

I'm ashamed at what my daughters eats (or doesn't) she has such a limited diet, but my HV said she had control, and recommended giving her what she likes, never make a fuss, give her 1/2 an hour to eat it. When times up take it away, say nothing. Let her have pudding, but only fruit or yoghurt, no goodies!!

My daughter is 3 and the only way I can get fruit down her, is to give her ready made purees and those Ellas pouches, not great but its veg and fruit!!

HV said she will get better with the food ..... I hope!

Stop worrying I say, I have it makes life easier!!

have you tried hiding it, ie in pasta sauces and things like cottage pie . i make a mean pasta sauce out of veges

but yanbu, no point making it into a battle

Sparkle12, thats exactly what my daughter will eat, so maybe its a texture thing with her?

I must confess I'm a bit funnya about textures, I love all fruit flavours (well apart from bananas and cherries), but hate the texture of some fruits?

She loves Ellas pouches, but my they have weird mixes??

My son (3.1) is doing the same at the minute. He's never eaten any fruit at all, but has always been really good with veg but announced last week that he doesn't like carrots anymore, then the next day he doesn't like broccoli anymore. At the same time he has started to refuse sauces, he won't eat tomato based sauces, though I can get a cream sauce into him sometimes (he is funny about cheese so can get him to eat macaroni cheese by telling him it's tuna sauce!).
Last week he said he didn't eat gravy anymore and told me to take the gravy off his bangers and mash. At this point I said NO. I told him he does not eat fruit therefore he has no choice but to eat veg. End of. I also said that our family likes gravy and I was not accepting him not eating it when he's always liked it. I'm not saying this worked but I felt better for saying it! I now say to him he eats what I give him or there'll be nothing else, and I leave the plate out until the next meal time in case he gives in and goes back to it. I can almost understand him not trying new things but it's when they refuse foods they like that frustrates me.
The problem I find is that he isn't a particularly big eater and us and ds1 have great appetites so it seems odd (to me)that ds2 isn't that bothered about food. He can easily miss 1 or 2 meals out a day and he isn't bothered, doesn't wake in the night or ask for treats.

I agree the ellas pouches have some very weird mixes! But it is another way of getting healthy stuff into them so never mind! As of tomorrow I'm going to become an expert in stealth vegetables. And I'll keep offering the un-hidden stuff. Good idea about offering the omne food repeatedly in a little bowl, might try that with fruit as a snack. Perhaps if it gets offered enough times it will eventually be accepted!