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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that they should visit us

26 replies

whatkatydidathome · 22/12/2010 14:31

We live about 100 miles from my family. I moved about 20 years ago (when I went to uni).
We visit my sister about once a month. We have lived here for 5 years (lived further away previously). She has been to see us once in the last 5 years and came once before then (always invited but never comes). She is supposed to be coming after Christmas with my parents. They visit us about once every 2 motnhs. She has just texted to say can we all go to her instead and take the food that we'd have made for them here. AIBU in being p*ssed off? Am gettign really fed up[ with always being the non drinker etc (me or dh anyway) and having to drag kids out when all their pressies are here. She is always very hosptiable when we see her but it is noce to be visited sometimes and it is so much hassle going anywhere with the kids (her kids are away so she would not have to bring them here).

OP posts:
ItsAHollyJollyTee · 22/12/2010 14:32

Just say no. No is a complete sentence. Use it.

Dropdeadfred · 22/12/2010 14:36

yes just say 'no' (love the extra bit about taking food aswell! - shocking!)

Original poster
whatkatydidathome · 22/12/2010 14:38

I've said "no" but am p*ssed off as she will probably invite parents there instead and so we will either be all on our own all Christmas or will have to go there :(. Have already put off friends who we were seeing on this day as it was the only day frineds could make it and also only day that ds could make which is why the date was set in teh first place - ie so that she could come. Friends are now booked up so we are a bit stuffed.

OP posts:
mummychicken · 22/12/2010 14:39

She expects you to drive the food YOU have bought 100 miles!!!

I think I'd be using a slightly longer sentence than "No" - one that involved a few "f's"!!

bairn24 · 22/12/2010 14:39

Just tell her you were looking forward to having everyone to your house, and it's not suiting you to go to hers. She sounds a bit of a cheeky mare TBH!

Dropdeadfred · 22/12/2010 14:41

surely your parents wouldnt let you down at such short notice???
has she replied??

ladydeedy · 22/12/2010 14:41

have a word with your parents too and explain your point of view.

and yes, bring the food! gosh, what a nerve.

Just say no, say you are looking forward to welcoming them to your home, as it has been so long...

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/12/2010 15:01

She texted this? It seems rather a big thing for a text. Have you rang her and asked her why she wants the arrangements changed?

Original poster
whatkatydidathome · 22/12/2010 15:38

she says that our house will be too cold and that they don't want to drive in case it is icy. Basically she can never be bothered to actually go anywhere but does the "my house is always open, I'm really hospitable" thing. I think that she really thinks that she is being nice by saying "bring the food" in a sort of "so you can share in the preparations" kind of way (ie it can be fun cooking for people).

OP posts:
Original poster
whatkatydidathome · 22/12/2010 15:40

oh and she is divorced so will if necessary play the "I'll be all alone" card (as children are away that day) so parents would feel obliged to go to here and will say that we should drive down as dh can drive and poor sis has no man to drive for her etc etc. She will not com ehere when she does have her kids as she says that they get bored in our house.

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 22/12/2010 15:47

Cheeky mare!

EminentlyImminent · 22/12/2010 15:51

I'd get straight on the phone to your mum and just say Oh such a shame sister doesn't want to come, really hope you can still make it, spent a fortune on food and games etc planning a really lovely day, children looking forward to seeing you so much, X has made you special picture/biscuits/delete as applicable (do not stop for breath during this cheerful diatribe) - make it clear to your mum you are still expecting your parents and will be very hurt/let down if they pull out.

I know this is putting your parents in the middle but you invited them first and they accepted. There is no reason to change anything now except for the whim of your sister.

If sister doesn't want to make the effort let her sit in her house entertaining herself for the day.

[Disclaimer: Am pretty pissed off with being manipulated by my own sister over where christmas will be spent this year.....you can't tell can you?]

frgr · 22/12/2010 15:51

Just say no.

It gets easier the more you use it, believe me! :)

expatinscotland · 22/12/2010 15:57

I'd skip diatribes and just say NO.

If your folks go there, next year, I'd plan on Christmas on your own.

SkyBluePearl · 22/12/2010 15:57

can you just say youd rather not drag the kids 100 miles in icey weather and it would be nice for her to visit as she doesn't come up often as you always go down there. Also talk to your parents and let them know you are standing firm and want them to come to you.

Arcadie · 22/12/2010 16:17

Makes me feel happier about the AIBU I was going to post. She sounds pretty manipulative. I wouldn't be manipulative in return but be honest with her and your parents.

swanandduck · 22/12/2010 16:21

I have a friend like that. Wherever we arrange to meet it's always changed to 'actually,could you come over here'. It's very annoying and selfish. The bit about bringing over the food is Shock.

I agree with the advice to make it clear to your parents that you haven't changed any arrangements and are still expecting them for Christmas.

blackeyedsusan · 22/12/2010 16:29

Em In couldn't tell at all

No No NO "bring the food?"

What cheek.

Do ring your parents and say you are looking forward to them coming.

Has she not heard of thermal underwear?

roadkillbunny · 22/12/2010 16:40

Your house is too cold? Cheeky cow
It might be icy so don't want to drive? Nice, so you, your Dh and your DC safety is worth so much less then hers? Moved from cheeky cow to utter bitch. Stay no, stick to it, call your parents and let them know how nasty, manipulative and down right disrespectful your sister is being.
Don't worry if you don't see any family over Christmas, I live 200 miles away from my family and it is normal for me to not see any of them over Christmas, we just try and make up for it at other times and it seems like you see your family fairly often, you will be with your immediate little family regardless, just make the most of that together time by playing lots of family games, going for a nice walk together, sharing a nice meal. It sounds like your sister isn't worth getting upset over and if your parents choose to go to her instead there is nothing you can do but shrug it off, know you are in the right and above manipulating other people for your own ends and see them another time.

FindingAManger · 22/12/2010 16:43

say NO!

Any why do people text this stuff rather than call?

Perhaps you could turn the heating up for the day?

fruitful · 22/12/2010 16:49

If she plays the "I'll be all alone" card then you get to say "Oh no, you mustn't spend Christmas by yourself, please do come here and spend it with us!" Grin.

fruitful · 22/12/2010 16:51

People always find my house too warm. They don't ask me to turn the heating down, they just come dressed accordingly. When I visit places that I know will be colder than I like, I dress warmly and take my slippers (and help in the kitchen a lot!).

If your house is too cold for her, then hers is probably too warm for you, isn't it?

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/12/2010 18:34

I am quite gobsmacked at your sister's self-centredness. Your house is cold and she doesn't want to drive if it's icy? Well she can wear a jumper like the rest of us, and she has no right to make everyone else drive in conditions she wouldn't.

As for the food - if she want's to be 'mine host' she should go shopping!! That is beyond the pale.

I'd go with the suggestions of other posters of getting in touch with your parents and pointing out how their DGC are looking forward to seeing them - they are, aren't they? :)

blackeyedsusan · 23/12/2010 14:35

Any developments?

OTheHugeManatee · 23/12/2010 14:43

Another one gobsmacked by this.

'Sorry, I can't be arsed to drive my solo lazy arse to see you, so can you please buy all the Christmas goodies and make sure everyone risks the icy conditions to drive over to my house so I don't have to cater, drive or think?

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