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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell DD1 that her friend has to go home tonight at 7.30?

36 replies

funkingcart · 21/12/2010 18:44

Background - friend lives next door.

Was in all day on Sunday (2pm til 8.30pm) - parents went out, I gave tea etc (not that I grudge a child food just giving background)

In all day Monday - went home at 9.30pm had arrived just before lunch.

And today in from lunchtime.

I am fed up with someone else's kid in my house and I want a night of peace.

So AIBU to tell them that she has to go home at 7.30?

I don't think I am but when I suggested this to DD1 she made The Face

OP posts:

Pancakeflipper · 21/12/2010 18:46

perfectly reasonable. Your house and you have done plenty of hosting in the last few days.

OTTMummA · 21/12/2010 18:47

YANBU, your house and all that!
How old are they? and why can your DD not go over to hers?

Hulababy · 21/12/2010 18:48

YANBU.

How old are they?

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 21/12/2010 18:48

are the childs parents home? If so its very rude of them IMO to not come and call for her at meal times and assume you will feed her

Original poster

funkingcart · 21/12/2010 18:48

They are 11/12

There are two much younger children next door and I think they like the fact that this house is "older" in tone if that makes sense?

OP posts:

Triggles · 21/12/2010 18:49

I wouldn't have any problem with it. Face or no face, DD would be told that the other child has a home and parents and it's important that she remembers where and who they are, so she really should spend some time at home occasionally.

How old is the kid? I wouldn't be keen on someone else's child in my home that long or often. (perhaps that makes me a mean mum....)

Triggles · 21/12/2010 18:50

cross-post.

11 or 12? I would have sent them home at suppertime each night - roughly 5 or 6pm, depending on when you eat - unless the parents made other arrangements with you.

Original poster

funkingcart · 21/12/2010 18:52

Yeah well Sunday night the parent's weren't in, last night she went home for tea and came straight back, and tonight was the same.

My DD1 is 12, friend is 11.

My mother says I'm far too soft - we were never allowed anyone in after suppertime!

OP posts:

Original poster

funkingcart · 21/12/2010 19:01

And now DD2 has tripped over DD1 foot and landed on her and the friend and DD1 have shouted at DD2.

I have just given final warning.

GRRRRRRRR

OP posts:

Triggles · 21/12/2010 20:56

Just because the friend comes back does NOT mean you need to let her in. Simply tell her that it's not a good time after supper and she needs to go home. Then close the door. Very easy.

Original poster

funkingcart · 21/12/2010 21:03

She walks in without knocking.

There are boundary issues.

I will be locking the front door from tomorrow.

Eventually got her home at 8pm she just would not leave and I had to go into the living room and read the riot act.

And have now read it to my DD's and told them that I am In Charge and if I say XXX goes home at XXX time then that is when she goes home.

And DD1 has been told to bin the attitude.

Any chance of some wine now??? AARRGGHH

OP posts:

moulesvinrouge · 21/12/2010 21:14

I'm sure she's a lovely girl but just walking in is not acceptable. You are certainly allowed to be what you might consider rude but others might consider 'direct'. Very cheeky to not go home as soon as you ask. Enjoy your wine you deserve it. Does she feel ignored at home? Whats your relationship with her parents like?

MumBarTheDoorSantaUsesChimneys · 21/12/2010 21:14

whilst reiterating that YANBU.

Original poster

funkingcart · 21/12/2010 21:22

She is feeling a bit ignored at home I think.

She was the only one for a long time before the two littlies came along.

She's a nice enough kid and I don't normally have a problem with her, but the kids are all off school, we are pretty much snowbound and I think part of it is just me being a bit stir crazy lol.

Her mum has it tough IMHO - there's not much of a gap between the two wee ones and I remember well what that was like. And I know she likes in here because I do stuff like baking but I want sometimes to do things with just my DD's and then I feel crap because I'm sending her home.

Have told DD's that we are not having anyone in tomorrow until after lunch, if anyone comes in they are only in for a couple of hours because I want time with them. I share custody with Twatex 50/50 and I need to have some time just for me and them.

Which is also part of me feeling so pissed off I think. Normally we'd be off out doing stuff but we can't get out coz of the snow.

Oh and my boyfriend (god I hate that makes me sound 12) was supposed to meet the girls last weekend but he couldn't get a bloomin flight.

Rant over

More wine anyone?

OP posts:

Iheartchristmas · 21/12/2010 21:29

keep pouring - you deserve it!

It's the annoying part of it which would drive me insane, mine are too young to experience this but my sister has the same problem with neighbours (both sisters actually)
One has neighbours come over to swim in their pool the other has the neighbours around all day every day and they are a bit weird - too weird that they have to supervise them - would be easier to say no go away (nicely of course!) but she would never say that.

When do you think BF will arrive??

moulesvinrouge · 21/12/2010 21:32

I know what you mean - you want to be nice and helpful
but want some time with your kids too, just as family time.

I think it is good for kids to have some time on their own if they can of a day as well. It's a lovely compliment to what a warm home you have that she is so happy there, but it is your home. I hope you get a good day tomorrow, and that the airports open soon

Original poster

funkingcart · 21/12/2010 21:39

I think he'll get here between Christmas and the New Year but the kids will be with their Dad so they won't get to meet him.

And I won't get to see him over Christmas

I just needed to rant to get all that off my chest - she really is a nice enough kid but usually because my two are with Twatex half the time AND they are all at school it isn't so much iyswim.

Mine has always been the house that everyone comes to, and I usually don't mind I am honestly not usually such a misery guts

OP posts:

moulesvinrouge · 21/12/2010 21:48

I don't blame you for being a misery guts - it would get on my wick too, especially when she didn't bugger off being asked first time.

And ball sacks to him not being there at Christmas thats pants. And being stuck indoors always makes it seem more claustrophobic at this time of year - hopefully you'll get some time in the NY. Can Next Door Girl go visiting with Twatex when your two go?

Original poster

funkingcart · 21/12/2010 21:51

ohhh Moules will try to see if Twatex can have a visit from Next Door Girl

The plan is that we will see each other as soon as possible - I have to swap the DD's late on Christmas day so will have to be after that

OP posts:

moulesvinrouge · 21/12/2010 21:59

Ahh... parenting is about embracing your children's whole lives including all their friends

So rubbish that so many people are stuck at Christmas - hope you do get to meet up v v soon and you get to have some lazy time at home too - and YADNBU

Original poster

funkingcart · 21/12/2010 22:03

He rang tonight and I couldn't even talk to him properly because the house was full of kids and GND had invited herself for tea and I was trying to dish it all up and so on.

He says he'll ring back later

On a more positive note I learnt a new word today.

Sexting.

OP posts:

moulesvinrouge · 21/12/2010 22:05

You definitely want to start locking that door

lilyliz · 21/12/2010 22:06

this reminds me off when I was around that age,I didn't have much of a home life although to the outside world we were very respectable.Every friend I had seemed to have a better set of parents so I used to sort of adopt them doing exactly what your little neighbour is doing,maybe you should be pleased she thinks so highly of you and your home(but I do know it can be wearing)
PS I didn't grow out of this till my late teens

Original poster

funkingcart · 21/12/2010 22:08

Moules - if he makes it over here, the door will very definitely be locked

Lily -

OP posts:

Original poster

funkingcart · 22/12/2010 18:16

Ok so, talked to DD last night.

Told her that it was a bit much for me to have friend in all the time.

Also, I wanted to have some time with just me and the two of them as a family.

So, this morning, lovely morning, really chilled, kids in great form.

Then GND (Girl Next Door) arrives. She has an "attitude" all the time. Likelast night when i did tell her to go home, she said "No I'm finishing this" - and she said it dead cheeky as well. And she has my two wound up and arguing and it's all angsty and loud in 2 minutes flat.

So I tell her to go home at lunchtime and after lunch decide that me and the 2 DD's are taking the dog for a walk.

DD1 pulls a massive attitude, won't put warm clothes on, marches off a bazillion miles in front etc etc - you get the picture.

So I have now locked the front door and told DD1 that GND was not coming in for the rest of the day.

And that we will be doing stuff every day from now to Christmas and if GND is in when we are going to do stuff she will be asked to leave. And there will be new rules after Christmas because I have Had Enough.

And yes IABU

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