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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have shouted at this dog owner

150 replies

swanandduck · 21/12/2010 12:47

I am terrified of dogs. I can't help it, I've always had that fear. I was walking up the road in the snow yesterday and a woman was walking down, with a ski pole to keep her balance, and her two dogs running around, not on leads. I called out to her asking her to put them on leads as I don't like dogs and she ignored my request and one of them came tearing up at me barking his head off. I was petrified and, when she had half heartedly called him off, I shouted at her that it was a public road and she should have them on a lead. She just walked off and ignored me.
Why, why, why do some dog owners think it's okay to let their pets jump all over strangers, even when the strangers are quite clearly afraid of dogs. On what level do they think this behaviour is acceptable? I always make it quite clear, by putting my two hands in the air and backing away, that I'm afraid of dogs, but the owners never bloody bother to grab the dog by the collar or to have him on a lead in the first place.

OP posts:
Original poster
swanandduck · 21/12/2010 20:51

Lotster I think you are the one who has no empathy as you obviously do not understand how terrifying it is for a person with a phobia about dogs to have one come running and barking at them (and it is also not allowed. Dogs are supposed to be on a lead or kept under control).
Please try to be considerate and keep your dog away from strangers and on a lead in public places. Surely the posts on here have shown you how annoying it is to not do so.

Weimer: I agree, not all (or even most) owners are bad. But unfortunately, the inconsiderate ones who constantly make excuses for dogs running up and upsetting people are giving an unfair impression of all dog owners.

OP posts:
Original poster
swanandduck · 21/12/2010 20:57

By the way Weimer, I was not being curt and rude. When you used 'you'in your post I assumed you were addressing the O and, in that context,your comment would have been unfair.

OP posts:
Original poster
swanandduck · 21/12/2010 20:57

OP even.

OP posts:
Lotster · 21/12/2010 21:01

Ok, ask for opinions and beat down anyone who dares to give you one that doesn't agree with you. Trying to empathise and make suggestions as to why this happened is not making excuses.

At the end of the day maybe this woman was just a selfish twat who doesn't care about fragile things like yourself. I was just pondering if she wasn't, your mention of the ski pole made me think perhaps she was someone, like me, with a really bad back, for whom a fall on the ice would be a lot more serious than being woofed at.

Thanks for the instruction but I do keep my dog under control. I have already said that dogs should be under control and on a normal day I would have said YANBU entirely.

Maybe the woman wouldn't normally have her dogs off the lead, but if you see her doing it again, start another hysterical thread about it and I'll say YANBU I promise.

LotteryWinnersOnAcid · 21/12/2010 21:05

YANBU, OP, I am a dog owner and disagree with dogs being off the lead in the street, mostly because they are unpredictable and could go flying into traffic at any moment if they saw a cat across the road, but also because they are free to bound up to me and my dogs. Obviously I'm not dog-phobic, but one of my dogs does not like dogs bigger than him, and he can cause problems for me. I keep him on the lead at all times, including in the park, but my other dog goes off lead in the park and other appropriate places because I know she will not approach any other person or animal because she is too nervous too. However it would be unreasonable of you, or anyone else, to expect a dog to be on a lead in the park if it is not bothering anyone else (and by "bothering" I mean approaching barking, jumping up, etc.

I do however think YABU for saying in your original post that you were upset with the dog barking at you, then went on to go on about how you hate dogs who "jump all over strangers" when this wasn't what happened. Obviously you will never escape dogs in public places in your everyday life, and being phobic of them, maybe you should do some reading on how to react to unwanted "meetings" like you had today - I think someone mentioned earlier in the thread that waving your arms around is possibly the worst thing you can do. They are pretty much like any small annoying thing - ignore them and they will go away.

LotteryWinnersOnAcid · 21/12/2010 21:07

Sorry should have said in my second sentence that THEY can cause problems for me, not he (although "he", referring to my eldest dog does cause enough problems, mostly in the smell department Hmm Grin).

Original poster
swanandduck · 21/12/2010 21:12

Lotster

There is no need to be so aggressive and unpleasant. Just because you don't agree with me does not mean the thread is 'hysterical'. Also, just because you tell a poster yabu does not mean they cannot come back and argue the point with you, particularly if you are in the minority, as you appear to be on this thread.

Lottery, on this occasion the dog tore up to me barking at the top of his voice, on other occasions dogs have jumped at me and had me screaming. Apologies if it looked as if I was talking about the one event in my post. It was that event that triggered me to come on here and post about dog owners in general who allow this kind of thing. I agree the logical thing to do would be to ignore them but that's not your instinct when you're terrified. You just kind of move back, put your arms up defensively and your mind just goes bland with fright.

OP posts:
Original poster
swanandduck · 21/12/2010 21:13

Sorry, blank not bland. It's bland most ofthe rest of the time Grin.

OP posts:
weimy · 21/12/2010 21:13

Weimy

Swanandduck I take your point on the use of you, but given the clarity of your orig post I thought it was obvious I was responding to the discussion as a whole. Sorry.

Lotterywinners... I think you make a lot of sense.

Original poster
swanandduck · 21/12/2010 21:16

No worries, Weimy. I agree, if a dog is on a tight lead it's up to the 'dog fearer' to just give it a wide berth.

OP posts:
weimy · 21/12/2010 21:16

ps I hope the fact that I was once bitten but now have three large well behaved dogs shows that you can overcome fear/phobia :)

Lotster · 21/12/2010 21:18

"I do however think YABU for saying in your original post that you were upset with the dog barking at you, then went on to go on about how you hate dogs who "jump all over strangers" when this wasn't what happened."

I thought this too.

"There is no need to be so aggressive and unpleasant."

Oh come on... I have been no more unpleasant on this thread than you.

yessirnosir · 21/12/2010 21:18

This is exactly why I didn't start a thread about my biting incident the other day - somehow I would have ended up an aggressive dog hater. This is how they all end.

Lotster · 21/12/2010 21:20

yessirnosir - being bitten is a very different matter, to me and a far more worthy thread than "Woman gets barked at by a dog who is called away and obeys."

Original poster
swanandduck · 21/12/2010 21:21

I agree yess. [sigh]. There's always one!

Weimy - I really admire you for over coming your fear after an incident like that. I have no idea where my dog fear came from. Neither of my parents were afraid of dogs, my sister loves them, my brother is indifferent to them and I have never been bitten by one. It's totally illogical.

OP posts:
weimy · 21/12/2010 21:27

I think you are either doggie or not to be honest. People are very passionate about those they love so a thread like this will always stir things up I suppose.

I am going to watch Jamie make pies now, so goodnight all Xmas Wink

LotteryWinnersOnAcid · 21/12/2010 21:34

Swan, I agree that it is unpleasant when a dog jumps up at you uninvited, but it just seemed irrelevant to the post.

I am 34 weeks pregnant and last week walking my dogs in the park with my DP a huge GSD came bounding up to me and jumped up at me! I was terrified, not because I am scared of GSDs (love the breed) or dogs in general, but because obviously I am more vulnerable due to pregnancy and was worried for my bump. For this reason I don't think it's appropriate for dogs to be off the lead at all if they display this kind of behaviour! But I think there is a difference between this and a dog accidentally scaring/inconveniencing someone when off lead, for example my dopey dog was tottering along off lead on the seafront, staring at someone playing the bongos behind her whilst running forward and I had to shout at her to narrowly avoid her running into a toddler. I apologised to the mother who was fine, but I just feel that dogs and their owners are often demonised for unfortunate minor incidents that are genuine accidents (and unavoidable in life, just as me not paying attention and accidentally bumping into someone would be), which is why I said it was unreasonable of you to mention the "jumping all over strangers" when it had no bearing on the incident today. But can see your point.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 21/12/2010 21:41

well, as a dog owner/ lover, YANBU to expect dogs not to come barking at you and jumping all over you. I have beagles (for my sins) and they have no recall whatsoever, although usually more interested in smells than people. I drive to a country park to walk them, where I know most of the other dog walkers/ joggers/ walkers and have never really had any problems. It means witchy-dog can get off the lead and burn up some energy, although old boy has to be on the lead, as he is deaf/ mad/ exceptionally stupid.

I would be mortified if my dogs jumped on people, although to be fair, it could happen, if someone happened to be walking through the woods at 9am and put their hand in their pocket- despite me telling them off forever, the rest of the dogwalkers keep treats in their pockets and feed my dogs, so if they see someone spot them and put their hand in their pocket, they assume they are getting a treat for them and run up excitedly- I always apologise profusely, and have never had any abuse..

Apart from from other dog-walkers! I have had a man tell me that I shouldn't allow my dog to play with his (both dogs were off the lead and running in woodland) incase his dog got dirty Hmm And I have had lots of negative reaction to old boy being on the lead- including when he was attacked by another dog, and apparently that was my fault for having him on a lead- it seems this other dog dislikes dogs on a lead, so, despite the fact that old boy is 15 1/2 and was bumbling along at my side, the attack was my fault Angry

I also had a fellow dog-walkers dog (lab) bound up to ds (2, at the time) and actually steal his dummy out of his mouth- she was just being friendly, however, so it didn't matter. And of course having to walk the rest of the walk with a traumatised and dummy-less ds was a picnic!

Even dog-lovers/ owners get hacked off with other dog-owners, so please don't tar us all with the same brush. (and if you ever meet me and my greddy little dog in the woods, don't put your hand in your pocket!)

midori1999 · 21/12/2010 22:12

I think that's the point Jooly. These things occasionally happen and if the dog owner apologises profusely, generally even if the recipient of the unwanted doggy attention is really hacked off they accept the apology or are pacified by it. It is when people say 'it's OK, he won't hurt you' or 'he only wants to say hello' or 'he was just being friendly' without a hint that their dog has done anything wrong, that people get really annoyed. (even other dog owners!)

EWeatherwax · 21/12/2010 22:14

Made me grin re Beagles have no recall - Have Bichons with same design fault.

Mine a re small white and fluffy and always on a lead unless I'm 99% certain we wont meet anyone

mamatomany · 21/12/2010 22:45

I've decided if this ever happens to me I am going to go up to hhe owner and luck their face and see how they like it DH reckons I wouldn't but u bloody would just to make the point. I bet it never happens now I've says that :)

Original poster
swanandduck · 22/12/2010 10:03

I often wonder how those dog owners would react if a strange toddler climbed onto their lap in a restaurant and started licking their face and pawing at them with dirty hands while the mum stood smiling and saying 'ah, he's just playing.'

OP posts:
weimy · 22/12/2010 15:57

Generally I remain quite calm,and speak to the child and parent in calm but firm tones not making any sudden movements. I usually carry babywipes and my mobile in case of an emergency.

Original poster
swanandduck · 22/12/2010 16:54

The last time I spoke to a mum about it she pointed out that her child hadn't bitten me so what was I complaining about.

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bahrainbabe · 22/12/2010 18:32

swanandduck.. brilliant and so true!!!

I am a dog owner/lover of MY dog but not others.

I would NEVER have her out with no lead. She is the most pleasant little thing but she is a DOG! I have 5 kids so she is used to been climbed on/over/tail pulled etc.. however, I do not think it is fair to have a dog loose in a public place. I think it is disgusting. I too would YELL at the owner and I think anyone who thinks that is rude is truly stupid!
I think it should be the LAW for ALL dogs to be leashed when out it public places.

On the same note (sort of) I hate when people don't pick up their dogs shit! It annoys me as people tend to tar all dog owners with the same shitty brush. Dog owners who allow their dog to be unleashed in a public place and/or don't pick up the shit should be ashamed...end of imo!!!