..to be absolutely horrified at what I see some 11yr old girls post on facebook?? ...

[nelehluap]

My eldest DD is 12yrs old. A lot of her mates are still 11. These same 'mates' have facebook. like DD1 does. DD1 rarely goes on her facebook because she finds it all rather boring and all too easy to see friends fall out because of comments put on there and she hates being dragged into fall-outs.

Last night I decided to have a look around her facebook (she knows I do this and because she rarely goes on it she's not that bothered that I do, and even asks me to have a look)....

I was SHOCKED.....some of her 'friends' on there (girls she knows from school but not exactly close friends) have photos of themselves (bearing in mind they're only 11yrs old) - somewhere in the region of 200 photos each - of just themselves - taken with the use of mirrors in various rooms (ie photos of them holding their cameras/phones using reflections from mirrors) wearing the skimpiest, shortest, most revealing outfits and standing in some of the most provocative poses I've seen from such young individuals. One girl - she has about 187 photos of just her...wearing really tight extremely low cut tops (she is well developed) with the pictures of just her breasts...pictures of her in tiny short black dresses holding up the hem of her dress (more like a t-shirt) with nothing on her legs....and the make-up is plastered all over her face...

I see photos of girls taken in changing rooms of places such as primark - whereby they choose clothing off the rails, go to the changing rooms, get changed and take photos, only to get changed again with another outfit (you can see piles of clothes in the changing room) and then walk out in their own stuff, leaving the piles in the changing rooms.

The language that is used on facebook between themselves is shocking also....words such as 'biaatch', the f-word gets used a great deal too and is often seen used in 'rofl', 'wtf', 'lmfao'....AND THEY ARE 11? I even saw one girl say to a friend 'oh, did you suck him off then?' ....

I will be talking to DD1 this morning with the view of pressing the delete button a few times on her facebook today...to remove some of these so called friends that she knows at school....but I'm half afraid it'll only leave her with a handful of friends on there...the classic comment that I saw last night was....'hurry up crimbo, I want my stuff'....how rude and disrespectful is that? I'm the least religious person out there but is that how they see Christmas? Clearly it is.

What has happened to the kids in them? What has happened to the nice, sweet, innocent, naive kids? I was too busy out there playing, making dens, having fun, CHATTING to my mates.... Or am I just becoming very old-fashioned???

I think perhaps we are overreacting just a bit and we all know (don't we??) that girls can be vile. The difference is that Facebook has given them a medium to be generally vile in public and not have to face the consequences in quite the same way as if they had behaved like this in public. I think the danger comes when this sort of communication becomes the norm and undermines the quality of real relationships in the real world-and there's always the possibility that there are predators "out there" who take advantage, particularly of young people. Perhaps Facebook use ought to be regulated by the authorities-or perhaps parents need to be extra-vigilant. the trouble is that children seem to be far more cyber-savvy than us!

jessie...only if those that have been deleted make an issue out of it..hopefully they'll be mature enough to deal with it and accept it, hopefully. If they want to make a drama out of it then fine - DD1 will simply ignore them - the same way she ignores them when fall-outs happen between friends and she gets them run to her for sympathy and use her to offload and as a go-between/messenger girl...which she no longer allows to happen....she tells them to sort out their differences and either get on or not. To have your number of friends go down from say, for example. 453 to 452 is no big deal and like I've already said it'd take a magnifying glass to see who that '1' is...and if they did notice its DD1 they'd probably not think she was even worth starting an argument with cos she is mature enough to walk away..

biryani - couldn't agree more...girls at this age are vile...and I'm still discovering this...something happens when girls go beyond 10yrs old....I've no idea what but they suddenly change...not all but a lot do....and its not nice to see/hear.

BBL...I think a lot of parents have their kids as friends in order to also keep an eye on their child's comments on FB....but perhaps they don't give consideration to the fact that it can also work both ways???

But, that said, it is also possible to 'hide' comments from others on your facebook pages....ie the Mum could've hidden all comments her son makes on her photos - without taking him off her friends list - but it obviously doesn't stop him actually seeing the photos.

i thought you had to be 13 to get a facebook account.personally i hate facebook and think over 18s only.my eldest 2 have accounts but not my ds 12-no way.i have known a few mums who have found out (along with everyone else on facebook} that their sweet and kind child can be cruel,rude and crude.

wfrances...and what did those 'few mums' do about it when they found out their children have been cruel, rude and crude?

Well, you know how things generally have been going so far. And if pushed, your daughter can always say "my mum made me do it". Which, actually, is one of the most important roles of a parent: acting as a scapegoat when a child/teen isn't comfortable with refusing to do something (smoking, bungee jumping, shoplifting, whatever), in my opinion. That's not directed specifically at you.

It's really a shame how the internet let's you make a prat of yourself, isn't it? A few years ago, girls trooped into changing rooms en masse, and made a huge mess for staff to clean up and some funny memories. Now, they take pictures of it all, and those pictures of them looking like ninnies may end up all over the place. Eh, maybe no one will care in twenty years, because everyone will have similar pictures of themselves floating around.

cancelled the facebook accounts and lots of grounding.
the damage has already been done and you cant turn back the clock.
problem is if all their peers are doing/saying the exact same thing its hard not for them not to get involved.
my dd has been grounded since nov,her phone taken off her and fb accounted canceled over something i saw she,d written-i was mortified and still am.

wfrances...glad to hear the parents took action, and that you have too. What a shame more parents aren't out there that are also aware of what is going on and take action too. The girl who managed to get into DD's facebook is still on facebook making sexy comments about photos...so clearly she wasn't taken off of it....but then again if her parents were to take her off could they cope with her and the backlash they are bound to receive?...and with a phone that provides internet access, without it having to go thru a home-based wi-fi, and with her taking that phone to school, how could they keep her off of it? DD also tells me that the kids in her classes text each other, during their lessons...yet the school ban phones...or atleast they allow them but only to be switched on before and after school, not during it...dreadful, imo.

oh yes, don't panic, I remember sitting in maths classes when I was 11 getting really nervous and excited about adding 'backshafting' (what we called anal sex) to our 10 step list of 'things to do with boys' - not that many of us got past about 5 (him touching your 'breasts') .. we were all shocked and disgusted but wrote it anyway.. later we were even more thrilled when someone suggested combining, and 'french kiss your breasts' etc were added...

:)

rofl is "Rolls On Floor Laughing" = harmless.

As for Kids on facebook - weeerrrrrl ... it's a bit like letting your kid go to the pub, isn't it? PROBABLY they'll stick to their own age group and behave appropriately - but they might not, so really it's best to spy on them and be there to drag them off/out if necessary.

coldtits...if you read a bit further on you will see I corrected myself....it was actually 'roffl' not 'rofl'.

OP you are complaining that you want "kids to be kids". Aside from all the reasons why you are being unrealistic, not to mention inaccurate in your naive reflections of "the past" do you not see the huge irony in complaining that your DD is exposed to an environment which you do not feel is appropriate for her when it is in fact you who permits, even encourages her to particpate in it?

Maybe she is not involved in the aspects which you consider to be unsavoury but your complaint is a bit like allowing her to go to a club and then complaining she is surrounded by scantily clad girls who are getting pissed and snogging boys

When we were 11 we were having snogging competitions on the playground (but I was too shy to use tongues unlike some others) and if Facebook was around I daresay we'd have been comparing notes online. It's horrid though isn't it?

I think perhaps we are overreacting just a bit and we all know (don't we??) that girls can be vile. The difference is that Facebook has given them a medium to be generally vile in public and not have to face the consequences in quite the same way as if they had behaved like this in public. I think the danger comes when this sort of communication becomes the norm and undermines the quality of real relationships in the real world-and there's always the possibility that there are predators "out there" who take advantage, particularly of young people.

biryani - that's exactly my concern. I do fear that this sort of communication is becoming the norm. It's also reinforced generally in the media and TV

I think there is a real difference between when I was 11, and the 11 year old girls today on Facebook. I might have talked with my friends about French kissing and maybe even joked about blow jobs etc but it was all so innocent compared to the girls of today because it was an abstract thing that we just joked about, knowing that it was not something that we would do at our age or even understand.

I think the difference is that many girls today are very knowing and really do understand about anal sex etc etc, and what sort of sex they will be expected to do. I even hear young girls tallking about what type of bikini waxes they should have to look attractive for the boys!

Because sex is everywhere now and marketed to children the world is a very different place and those who think otherwise are just deluded.

I agree frankie.

Have just found this thread and haven't time to read it all but just wanted to point anyone in the direction of the CEOP (Child Exploitation and Online Protection) website www.thinkuknow.co.uk - loads of official info and some pretty hardhitting 'be warned' DVDs available - all very professionally produced and part of a nationwide campaign to raise awareness amongst parents, teachers and children. Do check it out and spread the link if you can.

Thanks very much guyane.

nancydrew...kids to be kids.... = children not acting like a young adult.

Kids/children = kids that play, kids that talk to each other - face to face, not via the internet/text messages etc, kids that go outside and take part in activities - not spend most of their spare time in front of a laptop or phone, kids that play/interact with their families/siblings....

My eldest DD has spent all day today playing with her sibling who is 7yo...they've done jigsaws, drawn, made a collage out of Christmas cards, done some reading and DD1 even played 'schools' to keep DD2 company (and admitted she enjoyed it!)....

...thats what I mean by kids being kids....

nelehluap Yes I understand what you meant by "kids to be kids" and as I say you are being unrealsitic about what kids "used" to be like.

When I was at school much of the communication between girls was by letter/note. We were always writing each other letters, pouring out our hearts, discussing things that we couldn't/wouldn't "say out loud". It was bitchy/mean/spiteful as often as it was supportive/friendly/kind and certainly allowed us to get away with behaviour that wouldn't have been permitted "in public". FB has just moved that on a step.

The only way to protect your children is to accept the sort of material that they will be exposed to, talk to them, let them know you are an open door and to inspire confidence and self worth in themselves. Trying to hide the world from them never works.

I am not trying to 'hide' anything from DD1...it would be impossible to do so and would never dream of even trying.

I work in a sec school and have a dd 11 and despair that there are so many girls acting like this. dd is simply still a child and not because I have tried to 'baby' her, I can talk to her about adult subjects but she is just not interested in all these things...she wears whatever comes first out of the wardrobe, and plays with her little sister and just likes having fun and there's nothing wrong with that and I don't in any way think she is vastly different from a lot of the girls in her yeargroup (she has plenty of like-minded friends).
She is just her own person and I have always encouraged her to be that. People should encourage their daughters to think for themselves and not always go along with the crowd.

I can clearly remember being 11 - me and my friends would have little clubs, collect things, spend our pocket money on pens and pencils. All innocent stuff and that was only 15 years ago. However there were still 11 year olds at the same school that had sex (awful I know) drank, smoke etc - it's just we didn't get involved in that kind of thing. Your daughter sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders thanks to a stable upbringing and a caring mum. Sadly the type of kids that weren't so innocent were the kind with parents that couldn't give a shit. On another note my young cousins are on FB and I find this relentless picture taking thing creepy.

I had reached puberty when I was 11 and entertained passionate fantasies about my handsome sailing instructor. So nothing much changing there. But there was not the temptation to lay these idiotic thoughts bare to the wider world- so no harm was done.

But then no harm has been done to my own dd from that source either as it was completely clear to her that she will not be going on a website that clearly states an age limit until she has actually reached that age.