..to be absolutely horrified at what I see some 11yr old girls post on facebook?? ...

[nelehluap]

My eldest DD is 12yrs old. A lot of her mates are still 11. These same 'mates' have facebook. like DD1 does. DD1 rarely goes on her facebook because she finds it all rather boring and all too easy to see friends fall out because of comments put on there and she hates being dragged into fall-outs.

Last night I decided to have a look around her facebook (she knows I do this and because she rarely goes on it she's not that bothered that I do, and even asks me to have a look)....

I was SHOCKED.....some of her 'friends' on there (girls she knows from school but not exactly close friends) have photos of themselves (bearing in mind they're only 11yrs old) - somewhere in the region of 200 photos each - of just themselves - taken with the use of mirrors in various rooms (ie photos of them holding their cameras/phones using reflections from mirrors) wearing the skimpiest, shortest, most revealing outfits and standing in some of the most provocative poses I've seen from such young individuals. One girl - she has about 187 photos of just her...wearing really tight extremely low cut tops (she is well developed) with the pictures of just her breasts...pictures of her in tiny short black dresses holding up the hem of her dress (more like a t-shirt) with nothing on her legs....and the make-up is plastered all over her face...

I see photos of girls taken in changing rooms of places such as primark - whereby they choose clothing off the rails, go to the changing rooms, get changed and take photos, only to get changed again with another outfit (you can see piles of clothes in the changing room) and then walk out in their own stuff, leaving the piles in the changing rooms.

The language that is used on facebook between themselves is shocking also....words such as 'biaatch', the f-word gets used a great deal too and is often seen used in 'rofl', 'wtf', 'lmfao'....AND THEY ARE 11? I even saw one girl say to a friend 'oh, did you suck him off then?' ....

I will be talking to DD1 this morning with the view of pressing the delete button a few times on her facebook today...to remove some of these so called friends that she knows at school....but I'm half afraid it'll only leave her with a handful of friends on there...the classic comment that I saw last night was....'hurry up crimbo, I want my stuff'....how rude and disrespectful is that? I'm the least religious person out there but is that how they see Christmas? Clearly it is.

What has happened to the kids in them? What has happened to the nice, sweet, innocent, naive kids? I was too busy out there playing, making dens, having fun, CHATTING to my mates.... Or am I just becoming very old-fashioned???

This isn't about FB though, is it? it's the fact that women are still being brainwashed into thinking that how they look is the most important thing in their lives.

i agree annoyingdevil..but its also how girls wish to be seen by not only how they look but by their demeneour - ie what they say, how they say it and how they deal with conflicts between friends...which is where the swearing comes in, bitchiness, speaking to adults and then falling into the drinking/smoking social aspect of it all.

The problem is that parents are often a bit dim & naive about FB etc.

The pastoral team at the school where I teach often ring home about cyber-bullying. A standard response is: 'Oh no, it can't be dd. I wouldn't allow her to have a FB account!'.

Ah OK - but she's got one, & she's using it to terrorise half her year group...

Much better IMO to supervise your dc's use of these things, as OP is very sensibly doing.

& yes, I know FB's t&c say you have to be 13, but that's simply to cover themselves re: data collection rules - I monitor ds's, & the email address it's linked to is one I set up.

Short of joining an Amish community, there's not really any way you can effectively ban your secondary age child from using networking sites - much better to teach them about safe internet use (ie. not posting pictures or comments which they wouldn't want their grandma/head teacher/future employer to see).

I do blame the media eg the recent porn show which was Rhianna etc on X factor and the likes of Katie Price who is nothing short of a whore and looks like one.

I try to introduce my kids to positive role models and of course that includes the way I am. It must be hard for some children though.

I think you are BU and a hypocrite. You've let your DDhave afacebook account even though she isn't old enough, but are horrified by what others `allow' their DC to post. You and others like you are encouraging this behaviour.

mselletoe...me? a hypocrite? umm..I don't think so...yes I allow my DD to have facebook, like millions of other parents but I also monitor what she does, unlike millions of other parents....that does not make me a hypocrite.

And I am most certainly NOT encouraging this behaviour....take on look at my DD's photos on there and you'll see photos of her pets, holidays, hobbies...nothing that shows a pair of breasts, no pouting, no short skimpy dresses, no sucking of fingers and certainly no swearing, abbreviated words, sexual references etc etc...she would know better than to do that....

Perhaps I can be called a prying-old-fashioned-Mum...but I watch all that she does on the laptop...no, I don't sit on her shoulder but she uses it in the kitchen and I'm usually floating around...I also ask who has texted her when her phone buzzes - I don't ask her to tell me word for word what the messages say but she does tend to tell me herself what someone has texted her about....

When you compare all that I do to a Mum whose daughter who is of the same age, with almost 200 photos of herself in sexual poses, swearing and bitching about others...I really don't think you can call me a hypocrite....yes I allow DD1 to use facebook but like I have already said she has my email attached to it, she knows I check it and knows I monitor all that is put on there....I don't need to give my reasons for allowing her to use it but at the same time nor have I criticised the fact that kids can be on it - its HOW they use FB that is my major concern.

That's the reason there is an age limit, because 11 year old girls arent the most sensible types and they don't understand what they are doing when they post such pictures. it is sad, you're right.

I made a point of explaining to every parent in my class exactly what facebook is, why I wouldn't be their friend(parent or child)and how they could ensure they were safe online. In my limited opinion it was the older parents who didn't have a clue, they were incredibly out of touch with technology, music and the language children use. This isn't aimed at anyone here, but the parents who ban everything 'for dc own good' at home were very often suprised that their children were buying, watching, fbing away at their friends! And it was these chn who would come to me when it all went wrong because they couldnt talk to their parents...

Amen to that weedle my ds can always talk to me about fb and msn bullying because he knows I'm internet savvy

and I'm an older parent

Yup, hypocritical, she shouldn't be on there with or without your supervision, neither should the other children.

People let their children grow up too fast (or are too scared to say no) by allowing them access to age inappropriate films and activities and then are at the adult themes/behavours that the children copy.

mselletoe...thats your opinion, fine....you're entitled to your opinion, i simply don't agree with it.

And following on from the parents being up with internet etc...I agree...and I've alredy given an example of that with the Dad of the girl who my DH spoke to - he had no idea, he doesn't even know anything about FB and nor, tbh, was he even interested....he admitted, hands up, that he hadn't a clue what his DD got up to on it/on her mobile...but it hasn't stopped him from allowing her on it...she is still posting comments such as...'you sexy hot biaatch' on her friends photos...how do I know this? Because I can see the comments left by others on photos who belong to friends of DD1. Again....shocking comments from an 11yr old. And, bearing in mind her Dad now knows what she gets up to, by virtue of the fact that my DH has told him, it really did do the trick making him aware wasn't it? Yeah, worked a treat...

..and before I'm slated for allowing DD1's facebook pages to contain such comments...the 'delete' button has been used 80 times today...with all those that do and have made such comments deleted.

Thing is, you can't have problems with a facebook profile your daughter does not have.

I also have to wonder what drama is going to made out of "nelehluap's daughter deleted me as a friend" at school.

Again, none of this would be a problem if she wasn't on the blasted site.

Nelehulap - yes we will agree to differ. My DD is 8 and already some of her friends have FB accounts - it makes me despair. Mumsnet backs the let girls be girls campaign, but some parents some hellbent on propelling thir children on a premature trip to adulthood, I just don't get it. One friend is despairing because her 7 year old DD wants another doll for Xmas they are buying her a netbook.

jessiealbright - I agree with you - well said.

11 year olds are in high school, and most of them have started puberty.

At 11 I certainly wasnt playing with Sindy or Sylvanian Families. In fact I do believe I was (gasp) smoking and (shock, horror) kissing boys. I wasnt a naughty child either.

I'm all for "keep kids kids" but stop trying to baby teenagers. And preteens.

I'm just deperately hoping that when my 5 year old DD reaches the appropriate age, this Facebook thing will be totally passe (sorry, cannot manage an acute accent on my laptop!!) Mind you, something equally ghastly and generally banal will have taken its place, I have NO doubt.

jessiealbright....i doubt they'd even notice when you see how many 'friends' they have on their individual facebook accounts...most of which are in the region of 3-400 people...one less won't make any difference at all and it'd take hours to see which '1' has come off...

Funny how at the end of the day, after all these posts, in response to my OP that its turned circle and I'm reading comments about me allowing my DD on facebook...which, if you read my OP, wasn't what I was talking about...I was questioning the content of what some 11yr olds are putting on the internet, my concern about the quite explicit photos, my concern about their language and my concern about the nastiness/bitchiness that goes on...

NONE of which my DD takes part in.

Yes I allow her to go onto FB...thats my choice and hers but the big point I'm trying to make is why do parents allow or simply choose to ignore what they're kids are doing on the internet? What has happened to kids being kids? I really don't see my DD asking her friends how they are is anything to be concerned about...my photos of boobs, bums and seeing sexual comments most definitely is.

...and also, FB has its uses...its a great way to keep in touch with friends you no longer see and, also, in the case of DD1 who has been off school for the last month with glandular fever it has allowed her the ability to keep in touch with her close friends from school, swap ideas for homework etc...without having to use a phone which she couldn't do.

What, you mean they might have to put some work into creating the drama? I really, really, really hope you're right.

However, if one girl was going to the depth of hijacking your daughter's account, and posting offensive messages in order to create scandal, it seems deleted friends and any deleted comments might get noticed.

FB is EVIL, didnt you get the memo?

Incidentally, well done on stopping that girl. I'm pretty sure you've already told your daughter this, but on the slim offchance you haven't: don't leave a computer, for any site, logged in somewhere public. Change passwords regularly.

jessiealbright...i doubt a drama would ensue....and even if it did my DD would rise above it and ignore any comments made..she certainly wouldn't stoop to their level and bite back, causing the said 'drama'....

jessie..thank you...and yes DD did stupidly leave her password on the friend's laptop...she now realises how stupid it was and yes she has now changed it...and will continue to change it on a monthly basis. When inputting your details on FB it asks if you wish to 'save your password' and she obviously clicked yes...and for all we know the girl has been able to access DD1's FB for a very long time...but not now, thankfully.

It wasn't an easy task for DH to ring her parents but we did so with DD1's agreement and DH spoke to the girl's Dad in such a way that we were not criticising him in anyway for not knowing what his DD was doing but perhaps suggesting that she should be more aware....and the call ended quite amicably, as far as I know, atleast at this end of the phone it was.

that should've read 'he should be more aware'...not 'she' in my last post...

Could be a bit unpleasant, though, if they did notice, yes? Loads of sillies coming up and whinging about being deleted.

Hopefully, the other girl's parents are keeping a much better eye on her now. That was very sly and deceitful of her with the log-in stealing.

I don't really understand why parents accept their own children or other children as friends A woman I know has accepted her 10 year old son as a friend. He then is able to see all her posts, for example, recently someone posted a photo of her obviously drunk and her son commented on it. She did delete her son's comments as they were less than complimentary.

Thankfully, my son has no interest in FB, which saves me the bother of not allowing him to join.