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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman just announced in front of Dd that there isn't really a Father Christmas.

54 replies

hmmSleep · 20/12/2010 18:08

Think I over-reacted.

I was queing in a shop with Dd (4yrs), the woman in front is talking to the woman behind the cash desk in a big booming voice, one of those voices you can't really ignore.

'...well I'm so fed up of being the one buying the presents and wrapping them but not getting any thanks that I just told the children there is no Santa and it's me that does it all!'

I ahem'd and nodded towards my daughter who was looking up at her with a slightly baffled expression, the silly woman then started going on, 'oh he only doesn't come to our house because I'm a bad Mummy, blah blah blah'. I told her to 'just stop talking' Blush. I actually felt a bit tearful and am suprised I reacted so rudely. Thankfully the sales assistant was wonderful and told Dd that Father Christmas always goes to her house and she knew he was coming to ours too.

Tell me I wasn't too rude, I'm sure the poor woman wasn't meaning to spoil the magic for a 4 yr old, just a bit careless!

OP posts:
backwardpossom · 20/12/2010 18:09

I don't think you were rude at all. She was just digging a hole for herself - you did her a favour! Don't give it a second thought.

AnyoneforTurps · 20/12/2010 18:10

I'd have been upset too though - to be fair to the woman - it does sound as if she tried (ineptly) to make amends.

I wouldn't worry about upsetting her - people like that usually have very thick skins.

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 20/12/2010 18:10

oh dear. I actually feel a bit sorry for her. Grin it's one of those foot in mouth moments. I am sure she didn't see your daughter and when you coughed and she realised, she was frantically trying to dig a way out of it!

AnyoneforTurps · 20/12/2010 18:10

I'd have been upset if I were you, I mean.

FairyTaleOfNewYork · 20/12/2010 18:10

you werent too rude.

but remind your dd that father christmas only comes to people who really belive.

and if you havent got any, get some green/gold glitter to sprinkle around a few gifts to make it extra magical.

BelligerentYhoULE · 20/12/2010 18:12

Agree with Hec. I think you did over-react a bit and she was clearly trying to reassure your dd, once she realised she was there and listening.

StuffingGoldBrass · 20/12/2010 18:12

You weren't too rude, and the woman probably felt awful anyway as she undoubtedly hadn't seen your DD and was just ranting at her mate.

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice · 20/12/2010 18:12

what a sweet shop assistant though - to say that to a little girl

Original poster
hmmSleep · 20/12/2010 18:13

Thank you, I did just want her to stop talking before she said anything else to make things worse, I just think I could have gone about it less abruptly.

OP posts:
coraltoes · 20/12/2010 18:13

Ah well you can tell DD that the lady is right, for rude, naughty, mean people there is no santa is there! Just a man who delivers a lump of coal on christmas day. Clearly this ,lady has never been on santa's good list! Pretty easy to get out of.

Merry Christmas btw!

hairyfairylights · 20/12/2010 18:16

YANBU. What on earth was she talking about??? No FC? Tut tut.

Ladies who tell lies don't get a visit, obviously !!!

TheCrackFox · 20/12/2010 18:16

She deserves to not have Santa visiting her house as she sounds like she is very naughty. Wink

TBH it just sounds like one of those unfortunate foot in mouth moments. However, I would have been upset too.

claig · 20/12/2010 18:16

hmmSleep, you were a bit rude, as she was trying to reassure your DD. But the woman will have understood. These things happen.

ElbowFan · 20/12/2010 18:22

...maybe lady luck doesn't exist either, or the good fairy who sometimes just appears at the time when you need her...
We all need the magic - your DD will believe for as long as she needs/wants to. Just because you can't see it, it doesn't exist doesn't always ring true does it? Anyone seen God lately?

RevoltingPeasant · 20/12/2010 19:23

coraltoes Shock

'for rude, naughty, mean people'??

The woman was in a public place having an acceptable adult conversation. The fact that she didn't see a small child behind her doesn't make her the wicked witch of the west!! And she tried to make amends, at which point the OP effectively told her to shut up!

tbh, donning flameproof suit here, but... if you are going to tell your children fairy stories you can't expect the rest of the world to corroborate. I get that it is a sweet thing for children to believe but you cannot expect adult strangers to be shamed into not talking in public because of what you have brought your DC up to believe.

YABU, big style, and v rude to boot.

swanandduck · 20/12/2010 19:24

YAB a bit U

The poor woman did her best to back track. Give her a break. We all make mistakes.

SeaTrek · 20/12/2010 19:27

I have never given my child presents from 'santa' and he knows that each and everyone come from a specific person.

He has asked a lot of questions about santa over the years.

I have talked about 'santa' being the idea of giving at Christmas and that the man in a red outfit etc is just a visual representation of that and a bit of fun.

I have asked him to question why he and his other lucky friends that already have a roomful of toys get even more yet children in other parts of the world get none, even though they have been just as good.

Despite all of this is still believes that Santa is real - reindeer and all (he is six). He really, really believes no matter what I tell him.

LetThereBeRock · 20/12/2010 19:41

You were rude. I'm with Revolting on this. It's not other people's job to continue the myth for your dd.

That's not to say they should deliberately tell a child that Santa isn't real,but they shouldn't have to avoid discussing the topic with others, or changing the topic because you think it's their responsibility of continuing the myth.

I'm not sure the god example works either,Elbowfan. To me god is as real as Santa,that is not at all.

TheMonster · 20/12/2010 19:42

You were a bit rude, although I understand why.

Original poster
hmmSleep · 20/12/2010 20:16

I do actually agree I was rude, not entirely sure what came over me. When I told her to stop talking though it was because I felt she was making the situation worse with a rather fumbled explanation, poor woman. I handled the situation badly. (how long can you get away with blaming new baby hormones and tiredness?)

OP posts:
RevoltingPeasant · 20/12/2010 20:57

Never mind, OP :) We all do stuff like that sometimes. Guessing from your name that you've been missing out on sleep. Maybe Santa will bring you a lie-in for Xmas!

claig · 20/12/2010 22:21

yes it doesn't matter hmmSleep. The woman understood why you reacted the way you did. She was sorry that she had said it and was trying to convince your DD that Santa was still coming. Hopefully, he has got a big sack of presents for her.

StayingFatherChristmasGirl · 21/12/2010 10:34

RevoltingPeasant - I do see what you are saying, but Father Christmas widely believed-in, and I personally would not want to destroy that belief for a child.

You don't have to 'continue the myth' or corroborate their beliefs, but it is not unreasonable to expect adults to be careful what they say around small children, so as not to let the cat out of the bag.

I am careful what I say about FC in public, and wouldn't talk about my role in his work unless I was sure there were no small ears in the vicinity.

And had I slipped up, I would have understood the OP's reaction and would not have considered her rude.

rainbowinthesky · 21/12/2010 10:41

Yes, you overreacted. Adults are allowed to have adult conversations. Poor woman. You were rude to her when she tried to make amends.

MaudOHara · 21/12/2010 10:47

I agree with revoltingpeasant and rainbowinthesky - just cos you choose to tell your DC a story doesn't mean everyone has to perpetuate the myth.