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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Woman just announced in front of Dd that there isn't really a Father Christmas.

54 replies

hmmSleep · 20/12/2010 18:08

Think I over-reacted.

I was queing in a shop with Dd (4yrs), the woman in front is talking to the woman behind the cash desk in a big booming voice, one of those voices you can't really ignore.

'...well I'm so fed up of being the one buying the presents and wrapping them but not getting any thanks that I just told the children there is no Santa and it's me that does it all!'

I ahem'd and nodded towards my daughter who was looking up at her with a slightly baffled expression, the silly woman then started going on, 'oh he only doesn't come to our house because I'm a bad Mummy, blah blah blah'. I told her to 'just stop talking' . I actually felt a bit tearful and am suprised I reacted so rudely. Thankfully the sales assistant was wonderful and told Dd that Father Christmas always goes to her house and she knew he was coming to ours too.

Tell me I wasn't too rude, I'm sure the poor woman wasn't meaning to spoil the magic for a 4 yr old, just a bit careless!

OP posts:

StayingFatherChristmasGirl · 21/12/2010 11:09

Maud - there's a difference between perpetuating the myth - which is active, and just being careful not to destroy the myth, which is more passive. The OP wasn't expecting all the adults she encountered to corroborate the FC story, just to be a bit careful of what they said around a small child.

What is so difficult about that? Or so unreasonable?

Most children love the FC thing - they look forward to it and it gives a bit of magic - what is wrong with wanting the adults to take a bit of care so that children get to keep this fun part of childhood a bit longer?

VallhalaLalalalalalalalaaaaaa · 21/12/2010 11:19

Goodness. An adult stated a fact in a public place. Call child protection now!

YABU. You were rude. The world will not end because a child is told that Santa doesn't exist... what gets into all these crazy people who think we must censor our conversations and even our forum posts lest their children learn the truth?

But hey, you know you made an error of judgement, it's all over now so there's no point atressing. Just be careful never to tell ME to be quiet-- :o

nightshade · 21/12/2010 11:19

of ffs! let's just put ear muffs on all our children for the whole of the christmas season!!!

the political brigade gone mad again!

he's not real, deal with it!!!

you would be better placed to talk to your child about the good deeds that saint nicholas carried out and encourage the idea of helping others at this time of year, rather than buying into getting treats for good behaviour!!

dd1 believes in santa but i certainly do not encourage or perpetuate it.

VallhalaLalalalalalalalaaaaaa · 21/12/2010 11:20

Oh bugger, I made a hash of that, didn't I? :o

edam · 21/12/2010 11:24

Blimey, some people on this thread are really harsh.

It wasn't an adult conversation between adults, it was a conversation in a public place where anyone with an ounce of awareness knows full well small children may be listening. Stupid thing of the woman to do.

The OP isn't expecting other people to corroborate the myth, she's just expecting, fairly naturally in our society where most people do FC for their kids, that adults in public places will have a bit of common sense.

StayingFatherChristmasGirl · 21/12/2010 11:25

So - those of you who think it is reasonable to talk about this in public, as loud as you want - how would you feel if you debunked the FC story in public and saw a toddler burst into tears because they'd heard you?

I would feel really guilty at having upset a child like that. Yes, the world won't have ended, but it might feel like that to the child concerned - I'd rather be that bit careful about what I say when little children might be around than cause upset like that.

Of course children are going to learn the truth eventually, but I'd rather it dawned gradually than that they heard in such a blunt way in the supermarket.

I do agree, though, that it is unreasonable to expect people to censor what they write on a website meant for adults.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/12/2010 11:26

lol at 'stop talking'

I wish someone would say that to me when I utter one of my frequent foot in mouth monologues.

LetThereBeRock · 21/12/2010 11:31

I think the gesture towards her dd was fine,but it wasn't fine to effectively tell the woman to shut up.

Anyway the OP knows she was being unreasonable and overreacted now. We all make mistakes.

Fenouille · 21/12/2010 11:32

YAB a little bit U but as you haven't slept in 7 weeks it's understandable Poor woman probably saw the insanity sleep deprivation in your eyes and just started digging. The shop assistant sounds lovely though :)

wammyzammy1 · 21/12/2010 12:17

Oh dear what a load of fuss over nothing and yes nothing. If she was talking about her faith and it was not the same as yours you would not have given it a second thought.
How hypocritical are people you teach your kids not to talk to strangers But when some bloke in a dodgy white beard and red suit shows up your all telling them what a wonderful man this is and you even sit your kids on his knee (errr yeah) he even breaks into your house once a year and leaves them a gift and you tell your kids its normal (way to go on the truth job eh??) And you tell them that you even feed this convict who has just broken into your house. Come on get real this is a free speach country if people want to discuss how errr your FC is not real then so be it , its your belief not everyones. I buy my thngs and i'm damed sure i am not letting some fictitious person take the credit for me spending my money.

edam · 21/12/2010 12:34

wammy - you do understand how stories, myths and legends work, don't you? Typically they aren't literally true...

StealthPolarBear · 21/12/2010 12:39

Some people have really either not read or completely misunderstood the OP. She isn't coming on saying AIBU because I don't think I am. She's saying WIBU - I think I might have been. So ffs and the general scorn on this thread is really uncalled for - she agrees with you.

StealthPolarBear · 21/12/2010 12:39

Please try to
a) read the thread or at least the OP properly (I know "read the thread" isn't always practical)
b) think before you post

TandB · 21/12/2010 12:47

You were a teeny bit rude OP, but I can see why!

To those who think that it is entirely unreasonable for adults to be a bit careful about what they say, why? Why on earth can't people, just at this one time of the year, collude a little in order to keep some of the magic alive for children? Why can't children be protected from losing some of that magic? When I was a child, I think the woman would have been pelted with snowballs and run out of town for outing the big secret like that!

To quote "A Miracle on 34th Street" (and yes I know it is schmaltz but I am unrepentent - the bit where the guy hangs out of window and shouts "Santa Claus is real" and everyone cheers gets me every time)
"What is worse, a lie that draws a smile, or a truth that draws a tear?"

wammyzammy1 · 21/12/2010 12:50

Then why teach kids not to lie , then you lie to them. Stories , myths and legends thats exactly what they are there's no truth to them, so why try and make them a reality.
But you telling your child that its perfectly ok to go sit on a total strangers knee to justify your myth , story or legend and the sad thing about it is as i walk through my local center the amount of people with kids waiting for upto an hour to see some fraudulant person imitating some fictitious person oh yeah and you even pay the guy as well to do it.

StayingFatherChristmasGirl · 21/12/2010 12:53

Do you have children, wammyzammy? And if so, what have you told them about Christmas and Father Christmas?

sleighBELLasringing · 21/12/2010 12:53

I am with Revolting too.

wammyzammy1 · 21/12/2010 12:56

A lie may draw a smile but when the lie is found out then you draw the tear so you might as well of told the Truth 1st.

TheProvincialLady · 21/12/2010 12:58

Yeah and I have even heard of people watching these things on the telly, having paid for a TV license, what are not even true

TheProvincialLady · 21/12/2010 12:58

I over use that grin. Must be the mulled wine.

wammyzammy1 · 21/12/2010 12:59

Whether I have children or not is not the issue STAYING the issue is truth or lie, myth, stories legends or reality. ????

TandB · 21/12/2010 13:02

Oh FFS. If no-one in the world ever said/pretended/acted anything that wasn't strictly true what a sad place the world would be.

I sometimes say that I would rather eat my own head than do xyz. It's not strictly speaking true but it usually makes people laugh.

jinglesticks · 21/12/2010 13:03

I think you were just rude enough - exactly the right amount of rudeness for this situation. Well done!

wammyzammy1 · 21/12/2010 13:03

Bit off course there Provincial where did tv come into the conversation ???

hotchristmasbunny · 21/12/2010 13:06

OP - I think how you reacted was understandable and I'm sure the woman did too. You've no doubt put a lot of effort into buying the presents for the shopping, and are looking forward to your Dd's wide eyed joy on Chritsmas Day. The magic of believing in Santa is so so special and fleeting that I'd do a lot to preserve it. So, I think I'd have reacted in exactly the same way

BTW, talking to a stranger is a completely different thing. We take our children to meet Father Christmas - he doesn't search them out - and we stay with them for the visit. It's no different to talking to the butcher, postman etc. My dd knows not to talk to strangers when I'm not there, but she knows it's polite to talk if I say it's OK.

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